POTTED CYNICISMS

Evening Star, Issue 19615, 22 July 1927, Page 10

POTTED CYNICISMS

MILTON HAYES .SNAPS OUT A

FEW SENTENCES. Milton Haves—monologuist, vaudeville ' artist,' traveller, raconteur, writer, composer, humorist—lias been giving some reflections on Australia, to audiences in England. The following are some:—

, Australia is overrun by politicians, rabbits, and journalists. I didn’t see any rabbits. Osprey featbors arc not allowed to bo taken into the country. They are very fashionable. Use tbo word “colony” and you start a riot. Sydney Harbor is full of sharks; there arc a lot of money-lenders in Melbourne, too. Men who wear spats arc regarded as lunatics or criminals, and certainly English. Each State has its own Premier, whoso business it is to collect statistics proving, that the exports and imports exceed each other, and vice versa. A sheep farm is called a station. The up-country farmers are very hospitable. They always invito you to help yourself to any liorso in the paddock. No paddock is less in size than Yorkshire. The men never stay out late. There is nowhere to stay, and the daily round is so exacting that a farm hand getting up in the morning often meets himself returning from the previous day’s toil. On such occasions he invariably raises his hat. Australians try to despise England. But even after four or five generations tbey still call it “home.” Sydney made a terriffic fuss over the visiting American fleet—banners, streamers, brass bands, red carpets, free drinks, everything—until the U.S. sailors began to explain exactly who did win the war. Englislusaiiors don t make that sort of mistake. They know Australia won jt, and that England only paid for it. 'They arc all very keen on advertising Australia. I asked them if they wauled to sell it.. They said they’d give it to anyone who’d take one or two politicians -with it.