FLASHES OF FUN

Evening Star, Issue 19388, 23 October 1926, Page 19

FLASHES OF FUN

MANAGER’S INSPIRATION. Manager: I’ve had Jones in three departments, and yet he sleeps all day. Shop Assistant: Put him on the pyjama counter, and pin this card on hmi: “ Our pyjamas are so comfortable that even the man who sells them cannot keep awake.” * .« * * A PROMISING YOUTH. “Suppose,” said the new teacher, “ a man, working on a bridge, lost his hold and fell into the river. Unable to swim, ho would be in danger of drowning. “Picture the scene, hoys! Tho mans sudden fall, his frantic cries for help. His wife hearing the screams, and realising full well his peril, rushes to the barm. Why docs she rush to the bank?” A dramatic pause. Then a thin, piping voice: ‘‘P-please sir, to draw the insurance money!” -V. TRAGEDY. A woman ran screaming out of her house. “Fire! Murder!” she cried wildly. A passer sprang to her aid. “ Where is tho fire?” he asked. She only gasped. “Who tried to murder you?” he insisted. “Oh, I didn’t mean that,” she said; “ but you should have seen the big rat oilr cat chased through the kitchen!” « * * * UP-TO-DATE. Conductor: How old are you, little girl? Little Girl (haughtily); If the railway company doesn’t object, I prefer to pay full faro and keep my own statistics. » * * ■* THE RIGHT CAREER. “ You know how we all thought young Brown would never get on because ho was such a chatterbox?” “ Yes. How did he get on?” “ Wonderfully. He became the announcer at a broadcasting station.” •»**■» FROM THE SUBLIME. They’ve a story going tho rounds in London concerning a British tourist who journeyed from Cairo to the Pyramide. Fired by romantic tales he felt sure he had reached the land where crass Occidental life is unknown, and nothing savoring of Western “ civilisation ” would bo allowed to disturb the Arabian Nights’ atmosphere. When he reached the Pyramids and was hoisted to a camel by an exceeding picturesque Arab, he quivered with delight. But he had a rude awakening. “What’s your camel’s name?” he asked the Arab. “Mery Pickford,” was the answer, ft » ft ft ENGLISH AS IT IS SPOKEN. Teacher (meeting pupil in street): And how is your brother? AVillio: Please, ma’am, I haven’t no brother. Teacher: AVillie, where’s your grammar P Willie: She went down town last week. * * * ft “ IF ONLY I COULD.” A rather stout man was having difficulties under his car when ha looked out and saw a boy sitting on the fence. “ What are you doing there?” he asked. “ I was just watchin ,” replied the hoy. “And if ” “And if what?” “And if I could run faster I’d laugh.” » « « ft DAILY CONTRIBUTIONS. A certain literary celebrity went to the United States on a lecturing tour, j Unfortunately ho was no sailor, and' during tho voyage, he suffered acutely from mal de mer. On arrival at New York he was mot by a member of the staff of _ the ‘ Atlantic Monthly,’ who asked him to contribute to that distinguished journal during his stay in America. “No, thank you,” replied the other, gravely, “ I have already contributed to the Atlantic daily,”