FLASHES OF FUN

Evening Star, Issue 19161, 30 January 1926, Page 10

FLASHES OF FUN

NO NEED TO. ' Two ladies in, the bus were chatting together. “ My husband goes out every evening for a little constitutional,” said one. “Does yours?” "No” said the other; “ my husband always keeps it in the house.” * * * * BETTER NOT. The philosopher, Bias, was once overtaken by a storm on shipboard. Among his companions were some very bad characters, who began to call on the gods for .hxjjp. Bias said: “Hold your tongues: don’t let them know you are on board.” * * * * THE REASON WHY. A Sunday school teacher asked a pupil why Ananias was so severely pnnThe little one thought a minute. then answered: “Please, teacher, they weren’t so used to lying in those days.” „ , » » * * IN THE SAME WAY. Bobbie was reading historyand, looking up suddenly, asked: “What is beheaded, mother?” , ~ “Having his head cut off, darling, she replied. _ , “ After a thoughtful moment, Bobbie remarked: “I suppose defeated if having his feet cut off?” » * « * SINGERS—AND SINGERS. Rossini, the great Italian composer, was as much a wit as an epicure, and on one occasion he thus addressed some of his pupils ; , “Mv children.” said he, “there are three 'kinds of singers—(l) Those who have a voice but do not know how_ to sing; (2) those who know how to sing but have no voice; and (3) those who have neither a voice nor the knowledge of how to sing.”—“lkke Spot, in the ‘ Scottish Musical Magazine. # * * * HARD LINES. Annie was obviously sleepy, and if was getting late. “ Come to bed now, darling.” said mother. “Bother it!” was Annie’s answer, “I’m too little to stay up at nighty and too big to stay in bed in the moriv hlg! ” .* * * * STRANGE, ISN’T IT? Father had been telling Willie about, the sun being millions of miles away from the earth. “What I can’t understand,” said the boy, “ is how the sun’s light manages to get her© so early in the morning without travelling at night. * * * * NOT ASLEEP THEN. Visitor: “Why, this is the fourth time I’ve called ‘to see the baby, and each time he’s been asleep.” Fond Father (grimly): ‘H m. You’d better come at about 2 o clock in the morning!” 1 j» # * « DIPLOMACY. Wife: “I can’t understand, John, why vou alwavs sit on the piano stool when‘ we have company. Everyone knows you can’t play a note. Husband; “I'm well aware of that, clear. Neither can anybody else when I am sitting there.”

FAIR-MINDED. “I forsrot myself to-day and spoke sharply to my wife.” “Did she resent it?” , ! “ For a moment she did. But Maria is a fair-minded woman. After she had thought it over, she shook hands with me and congratulated me on my j P luck -” . * * * * i CHANGED HIS MIND. The manager of a large warehouse in Glasgow, who was much disliked, received an offer from an English firm and had all but decided to give up his Glasgow job. His fellow-employees thereupon collected a purse of money and presented it to him as a thankoffering on the occasion of his departure. “ Weel, weel,” said Scottie as he took the purse. “I never thocht ye liket me sae weel; but noo that I see ye’re sae vexed at mo gaun’ awa’, I think I’ll no gang, hut jist hide whaur I am.”—‘ Montreal Witness.’ » * * ONE FOR HIM. The referee did not please the home supporters. After the match be was approached by a red-faced man. who asked sarcastically : “Kef., long ran a man live without brains?” “I don’t know,’’ replied the referee. “ How old are you?” • * • • j THE RIGHT PERSON. The old lady was feeling ill, so th« maid scut for the doctor. “What’s the matter with your mistress?” he inquired. “ I don't know, sir,” answered fne maid, “hut she says she wants to die.” “Ah.” said the doctor, “then roa did quite right to send for me.”

BY NO MEANS CERTAIN. Following a dinner of savants, a certain professor of psychology thought ho would test a colored cloak room attendant as to his memory. Although the professor pretended to have mislaid his ticket, the boy without hesitation handed him the right hat. “ How do yon know this one wii mine?” asked the* learned man. . “ All don’t, know dat, snh,” “Then why do you give it to me?’ 1 “ ’Cause you give it to me when yon come in, sub.”- ‘Royal Magazine.’ * # * * “Yes.” the teacher explained, “ quite a number of plants and flowers have the prefix ' dog.’ For instance, the dog-rose and dog-violet are well known. Can any of you name another?” There was silence, then a happy look illuminated the face of a boy at the back of the class. “Please, miss.” he called out, proud of his knowledge, “collie-flowers!”— ‘ The Progressive Grocer.’