FLASHES OF FUN

Evening Star, Issue 19143, 9 January 1926, Page 18

FLASHES OF FUN

HaroM: “ Who invented the barbedwire fence, mother?” His Mother; “ Oh, some manufacturer of boys’ clothing, 1 suppose.” * * * » Senior: “ How do you like my room, as a whole?” Freshman: “As a hole it’s fine, as a room—not so good.” « * » * “ May I kiss you, just once?” be asked. “ No,” sho replied. “How many times?” he asked, unabashed- * » » » Mother (crossly): “ Tommy, havn’t I told you you must not talk when I am talking?” Tommy; “But, mamma, yon won’t let mo stay up after you go to bed.” * * * * Amateur .Golfer (who has just gone round in 112): “Well, how do you like my game?” His Caddie: “I suppose it’s all right, but I still prefer golf.” * *■ * * * Mrs Upper Ion: “ When I wear ray diamonds, two detectives are always within the sound of my voice. Mrs Cutting: “ Goodness gracious! If I were yon, I would leave off trading with such suspicious instalment linns.” e * * a Higgs (proud of his new wireless): “ And just remember, old fellow, tho wireless is still in its infancy.” Griggs: “ Yes; I notice tho squawks.” * * * ■* Smithers (in a rage); “That man is tho biggest fool in the world.” His' Wife (comfortingly) : “ Henry, Henry, you are forgetting yourself.” * * * * “You say you found this bank note?” “Yes, Your Worship.” “And you did not restore it?” r > “ I. did, Your Worship.” t “To its owner?” “No, Your Worship—to circulation.” •r- * * * Teacher; “Did yon read yonr lesson over to yourself as 1 told you to?” Bobby: “ Yes.” Teacher; “Then bow is it you don’t know it?” Bobby : “ I suppose I can’t have been listening.” * * * * Mrs A.: “ I make it a rule never to ask another to do what I would not do myself.” Mrs B.; “ But, my dear, surely you don’t go to the door yourself and tell your caller you are not at home.” * * * * Mr Crusty; “ No, sir, I think yon’re a fraud. I don’t believe you’re blind at all. The Mendicant: “If I wasn’t blind, do you think Pd ever ask such a miserable looking fellow as you for anything?” “ Do yon think that music is of any practical benefit?” “’Well,” replied the cynic, “judging from Die photographs of eminent musicians, it must keep the hair from falling out!” * * * * The learned counsel glared over his eyeglasses at tho witness. “ Arc you positive, sir,” lie demanded, “ that the prisoner is the man who stole your horse?’’ “Well,” answered tho witness, “I was until you cross-examined me. Now I’m not sure whether I ever had a horse at all.” » « it « A bricklayer and his wife went up north for a holiday. As they were wandering about, a man came up to thorn and began in the usual officious manner: “ This is the famous Roman Wall, begun in A.n. 20.” The astonished couple turned ami regarded tho remnants of tho wall. After a. while, tire wife spoke out. “A.n. 20!” said she. “That’s the sort o’ firm to work for, Joe.” « * * * An Irishwoman was charged with assaulting a neighbor, and pleaded “ Not guilty.” Tho prosecutor leant forward: shook his linger at her, and said, harshly : “If we prove you guilty, as we, shall do, will you tell tho court why you committed this assault?” ‘‘ I will not,” shouted t.ho defendant, hotly. “.1 had mo own reasons.”