BY THE WAY

Evening Star, Issue 18333, 21 July 1923, Page 2

BY THE WAY

[By Q.V.]

The time has come, the Walrus said, To talk of many things.

The House of Clergy, drawing up proposed alterations to the Church of England Prayer Book, has “ decided not to tamper with the Ten Commandments.” Thanks be! You never know what might have been done these times in tho way of “ making tho Bible conform to the modern world” (ns a member put it sarcastically and protcstingly). Gigantic possibilities wore there, in'view of the modern ideas concerning, say, tho Fourth, 1* ifth, •Seventh, and Tenth Commandments, and alterations might have been made that would have converted the series into a “But” that might havo_ stood with Kipling’s “ If.” Which reminds me of a- story. It was a well-known literary man who was being shown over the parish church, in which the Commandments wore set out on tablets placed on either side of tho chancel windows. Tho visitor gazed upon them intently, bat reverently. "I always think,” he said, “that there is something lacking there.” Tho verger was apologetically horrified. “ But, sir ”he began. “What I mean -to cay is,” hastened the visitor, “ that there should be a lino added, as in ' the examination papers of one s youthful days, elating ‘ Any six of these may ho attempted.’ ” * * Any reference to amendments at once suggests Cr MacMareos, who has already established his right to the title of “Tho Amendment King.” That ho rarely or never gets one seconded, and still more rarely gets one accepted, is nothing to the earnest and untiring “Mac.” By the way, the ‘ Nobody.loves me” attitude adopted by the average Labor advocate leads sometimes to lost opportunities. It is akin to the appalling experience of tho Scotsman who w'oro earflaps to hie cap, and as a consequence didn’t hear an invitation (o “ha’e a woo drappio.” A case in point: At tho meeting of the Drainage Board (which i.s, for ail practical purposes, the City Council) on Wednesday Mr MacManne moved the first of numerous amendments with which he had 1 come prepared, and the chairman (Deputy Mayor Douglas! declared it carried on tho voices. “ Mac,” busy with the preparation of the next amendment, failed to grasp the fact that at last something had been decided in his favor. He took it for granted that the chairman's announcement was the usual one of “Amendment lost,” and simply took the next step in what had become to him a mechanical process. “I call for a division,” he cried. The division was taken, and lo! the voting was four to three against him: the voice test had been misleading. “You fell in. Mac.,” whispered the deputy mayor. “I’d ruled that your amendment had been carried.” “Thought yon said I’d lost, as usual,” replied Mac. sadly, and busied himself in his “ further amendments.” « « » » Decently a nowsuapsr devoted a whole column to the subject of luck", with a woeful extravagance of words, space, and the reader’s time—all of which might have been obviated bad tho writer simply stated that luck resulted from sub-con-scious exercise of ihe ratiocinative faculty in the process of the establishment of causal relationship, and that really Our acts our angels are, an good or ill, The-fatal shadows that walk by us still. We have read:

Lo l the poor Indian, whoso untutored mind Secs God in storms and hears Him on the wind. This is hut another instance of the unsophisticated attributing to supernatural agency phenomena for which lie could not account. Probably Mrs Lo would attribute .any erratic movements and stormy behaviour on the part of Lo to the operation of spirits aJso. Mrs Bouncer changed her mind, and would take a ticket in the art union if Mr Bings could let hcrjia/e No. 28. He could. Some weeks subsequently, presenting her ticket, she claimed the prize. Mr Bings congratulated her on her “ good luck." “That’s you men every lime; if a man does it it’s good judgment, lie’s clever; if a woman, it’s luck. Oh, it makes mo sick !” said she.

“How did you come to fix on Ho. 28, though?” says Bings. “Just by usin’ me 'brains! For three nights oonsikcu lively I dreamt as ’ow No. 9 won. Then I ca.lkerlatcrl as -lew throe nines is twenty-eight. Luck, eh!” With withering looks she departs. This, having been told to a friend, elicited the remark; “Aye, but three nines is twenty-seven !” “ Good heavens, so it is!” was the perturbed reply. By cablegram we are informed that Canon Green has stated that ‘gambling is only a fool’s game.” By implication it is, therefore, according to Carlyle, well adapted to the human animal, who, he penned at his leisure, “wore mostly fools.” The steps to Avcrnus that seem so suited to the mental development and the rnatcrid resources of the said animal appear to be: 1. rrrnnr.ilorv Grade f M-a Mrs . pi-, ‘ • ( Fenny Surprise i arkels f Famui. s 11. Intermediate -t Art Unions (.X'nggets) I Football ' f Alhlr-lics j Mining Shares a, Sports J Tatis. 1 Equine Contests b Poker A- Two-up f Commodities 111. Scalar* 1 generally S E-sraJ b. Commercial ! tnsurnnec Ships Oiivr necessities s I Bridge s c. Altruistic ... An Hereafter It ’s to Be observed that in this tabulation mankind is according to assumed mentality, occupation, and media for satisfaction of the gambling proclivity. After an exhaustive classification there was a. very small residuum (c), and it was found that oven its’ members speculated on an hereafter. a- * « ■» NURSERY RHYMES UP TO BATE. The City and Clotha they once fell out, And what do you think it was all about? The hospital rating and doctor’s fee, That was the reason they could not agree. And, fanning <l)6 flame of their discontent, Malcolm, their member of Parliament, Wangled an Act, and they now enjoy A hoard of their own—such a nice now toy. But lately some rumors have come along That the City was right, the Clutha wrong; And as for their member—well., his reward Was being bumped out, and they humped him hard. Now, when of electric light they’re in quest, “The City’s supply is by far the best.” At least, so savs Malcolm, iheir exMP, j And on ibis point also they disagree. «• ■» * *

It is a most unusual thing for any corporate body to complain that its presiding officer is really too good at his job; yet that compliment has been paid by no less a body than the House of Representatives to its new Speaker. It appears from the reports to hand that “ Oor Charlie” has taken a firm hold of the reins, and the jerk has brought up the members all standing. Wo in Dunedin who know “ Mr Speaker ” and have learned to admire his fearlessness and his gravity, can imagine the dismay of members from petty partisan to puissant X-trimo Minister when they were gravely informed that interjection and cross-talk-ing must cease. It is good business, but, to use a Scottish expression, the proceedings will be “ gey dreich,” Some of the

interjections of old used to be the very cream of the news, and) many a dull dobate has been enlivened by these bright sallies. But now one can almost hoar some members saying sadly (sotto voce): “Charlie,” said we, “man of iron; Charlie Statham, we’re inquirin’ Must we never shout or banter, or retort across the floor? Must we sit, each silent section, and refrain from interjection? ■May we never have a rumpus, as we used to have of yore?” Quoth the Speaker “Nevermore.”

We have been told that words are fossil poetry; also that, as there are boundless stores of moral and 1 historical truth in words, it is our duty to record and embalm them for the benefit of posterity. Yet the lexicographers appear rather slack in tho revising of the meanings of many of our terms. Philologists assure us that but few terms hold their original significations for very long, quite a numbered®teriorating through bad associations. They have also recorded that often the people's use of a single word will afford a deeper insight into their real condition and habits than whole volumes written for that purpose. From which it is evident that posterity will bo the poorer if something is not done. In obedience to this imperative, a few examples are offered; Parliament—A talk shop, not a work shop. Football —Mimic warfare, ball and players sharing the foot. Tramcar—Movable gymnasium, most elastic, always capable of holding another. Temperance—State of being in a rago with those who temperately enjoy themselves. ' Brewery f Merger—A benevolent institution seeking persona to nurse the baby. Oval—A triangle consecrated to exhibitions of skill and not of commerce. Profiteer’—One who makes pood by stealth. Soldiers’ Memorial—Dunedin's unhonored promissory note. From these few taken at random it is evident that language may bo a vehicle of instruction to future generations ns the embodiment of the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of Dunedin, 1925.