IN LIGHTER VEIN

Evening Star, Issue 17880, 28 January 1922, Page 13

IN LIGHTER VEIN

OUR MISTER JOYCE. I once know a floor-walker named Mister Joyce; • He was a perfect gentleman, but he lost his voice. It happened very sudden on a bargain d a y> Just as ho was saying “ Madam, walk this way.” Ho had got just as far .as “ Madam, walk,” When lie found, to his astonishment, he couldn’t talk. “ What! Lost your voice?” said the manager, aghast. “ You better try and think where you had it last.” “Gislr-gug-gug,” replied Mr Joyce; What else could he say when he’d lost his voice 1 The manager shook his fist. Said he: “Watcher mean talking baby talk to mo?” But all Joyce could answer wass “Gish guggle gish!” “You’re fired!” said the manager, “you poor dumb fish! How can you floor-walk when you’ve lost your wits ?” Poor Mister Joyce could only wave his mitts. At this fatal instant through the revolving door A. fur-batted stranger strode into the store. When he heard Mister Joyce say “ Gish google gee!” Said he: “You’re what I’m lookin’ for. Can you climb a tree? “I’m director of ‘Tarzan’ Picture Com-' panee, An’ I want a movie actor for the chimpanzee. If you can climb that pillar to the mezzanine floor, I’ll give fifty thousand a week or more.” Before tho movie manager could bat an eye, Mister Joyce was well on his way -to the sky. “Catch him!” cried the manager. “intake him in my car!” And that’s how Mister Joyce became S moving picture star. —Oliver Hcrford, in ‘Life.’ PLACING THE BLAME. A well-known novelist was cornered at an afternoon party by an inquisitive lady. “Are you a bachelor from choice?” she asked, severely. “Yes,” came tho prompt answer. , “But isn't that—er—rather ungracious and ungallant?” protested she. “ You must ask tho ladies,” he suggested gently; “it was their choice, not mine.” SENIORITY. A small boy, aged four, had just communicated tho fact to his uncle that ho had started on his school career. “ Indeed,” said his uncle; “why, you must be tho youngest there.” “ Oh, no,” answered the youngster, in a very lofty manner, “there’s another gentleman who comes in a perambulator.” A DOUBLE CROPPER. Two women wore talking together in the Union station in Chicago. “My sister and me,” said one, “wo ain’t no more alike than if we wasn’t us. Yes, ma’am; olio’s just as different as I be, only tho other way.” THE ONLY WAY. There arose such a din in tho nursery that the mother hastened thither to ascertain the trouble. She found tho baby crying lustily while the new nursemaid sat calmy by. “ What a terrible racket, Mary!” exclaimed the mother. “'What on earth is tho matter? Is there no way yon can keep the baby quiet?” “Sure an’ there is, mum,” said Mary, “an’ I’m doing it. I can’t kapo that baby quiet unless I let him make a noise, mum.” WHY HE WON. At an election in .a Yorkshire manufacturing own one of tho candidates was a local mill owner, and, being a hard master, his opponent was congratulating himself that ho would obtain tho votes of the mill owner’s workpeople. Tho result of tho poll, however, was a victory for the latter. Suspecting bribery, the defeated candidate employed an agent to make inquiries. It being evident that the mill people had voted solid for their employer, the agent made a bee-line for tho place, and inquired of, a group of men how it was that wherf" they so disliked their master they had given him their votes. “Well, ye see, lad,” said one, “wc doan’t want ’ini ’ere, son. we’ve sent Tin to Parli’ment aht o’ t’ road.” Peter (after harvest thanksgiving service) ; “ Mummy, what are they going to do with all those apples?” Mother: “ Thev’ro going to the poor people at the hosmlals, darling.” Peter (recollecting a recent orgy): “But 1 thought people went to hospital to be cured of tummypain!” Doting Father: “What, my dear, a new gown and outfit for your confirmation? Won’t your last drees do well enough?” Wheedling Daughter; “Now, papa, dear, how could you think of it? Surely you wouldn’t have your little pot confirmed in her old habits!”