HIS MAJESTY THE BABY

Evening Star, Issue 17394, 2 July 1920, Page 6

HIS MAJESTY THE BABY

HOW MOTHERS REGARD OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN. [By Constance Beixhotjsb in tho ' Glasgow Herald.'] One's conduct towards other people's children is a problem requiring to be considered with prayer and fasting if one wishes to live a peaceful life among friends and relatives. It is complicated bv all sorts of unsuspected secondary considerations, and may not bs approached on simple, straightforward lines. You cudgel your brains for something nice to say to brother Tom's wife about that little puckered bit of redness that she tells you is the noblest thing ever invented, and you exhaust yonr vocabulary in the effort to rise to the occasion and satisfy hor rapacious demand for flattery. Presently you have to go through a similar scene with the wife of brother Dick, and you begin to feel a sort of nympathy with the patriarch Isaac when h<; had to interview Esau after having given all hi.s blessing to Jacob. If this "is your "urst experience you will rush into it with thoughtless alacrity. We will assume for a moment that vou have not yet been chastened by experience, and have no prevision of the pitfalls into which you will inevitably flounder. What you said to Tom's wife seemed to give satisfaction, and really sounded quite original. So vou repeat it for the benefit of Mts Dick" If she has heard it before, applied to the earlier infant, she is annoyed, but if it is new to her she is_ pleased with it, and retails it to the circle of relatives, with the result that eventually both Mra Tom. arid Mrs Dick are seriously offended, each beliving that what was gross flattery when applied to the other infant is less than justice when applied to her own, for the rapacity of other people in the matter of flattery concerning their children is insatiable. And not only to you, mere bachelor or spinster, are the young in general of the human species simply other people's children, but the average mother regards the children of other mothers from the same point of view. Only her own can be The Child.

•_ To some maternal temperaments the sight of another mother's child leads inevitably to propaganda work. Her own perfect one flourishes on flannel and milk, and a crusade must be started against the calico and mincemeat of the other people, which is the cause, no doubt, of their child's falling below her standard. She leaves her own child, therefore, to the gentle care of the hireling, and rushes into the highways and hedges to administer advice to other mothers. The other people's child is not a mere distorted view of a being seen through the dimmed eyes of the sour old maid. OX EXHIBITION.

As a curt the child is, like all other cults for which we do not share the enthusiasm of the devotee, a bore. To be interrupted in the midst of some thrilling occupation to look at darling Rupert or hear little Phyllis's latest bon mot is annoying, and repetition soon develops it into a source of boredom. You would not object so .strongly if darling Phyllis and little Rupert were really original, but all the children you know show the same paucity of the genuine'article. The original child is a much greater rarity than is generally realised, and their witticisms savor too much of the parrot—mere echo of the last heard words completely misapplied. They partake too frequently of the nature of impertinence, which is often the only point thev have, and this, unfortunately, is fostered by the indiscretions of the fond parent, to "whom nothing comes amiss. The attitude was admirably summed up in a 'Punch' picture, which showed a lusty infant tugging at the beard of.-an elderly stranger in a railway carrfage, and the mother says: " You won't mind it for a*few minutes, sir. ' His father hasn't got one!" Children as children, considered without the complication 'of ramified ranks of parents and relatives, may be quite interesting, not to say fascinating, creatures, and if you are fortunate enough to be left to yourself with one of them, without any responsiblity for its welfare or good behavior, it will afford as much amusement for a time as a puppy or kitten. But you are seldom believed to be capable of regarding the child of other people intelligently without a showman, and just as the old professor in the museum points out the intricacies of his stuffed monkey, so do other people endeavor to show off the points of their living ones. The vonnger they are the more are they brought forward, bedecked and beribboned in a way only suitable for lapdoes, and against which any self-respecting infant ought to strike. At this stage cries of "Goo-goo!"—" Dad, dad!" are considered the height of wit. This is perhaps inoffensive, but the next stage is not. Here is an example: L'E2JFANT TERRIBLE.

A young other people's child bad returned from school. " Well, darling," said his mother in the regulation showman tone, "tell Uncle Will what you have been doing at school to-day." ""I made an ugly face at teacher." The mother smiled the showman smile as if to stress the cleverness of the answer, and we knew that the face must have been a' superugly one.

"Ts«t what did you learn, darling?" "Oh. we had an old lectcher." " A lecture ? And what was it about ? M " Oh, about the effect of—of—alco, eome« thins. About beer von know." " Alcohol 7 "

" Yes, and what it does to people's bodies. Oh, I say, link Will, yon needn't never tell any more stories 'bout why your nose is red—-I know the truth now." Mot her thinks this clever, and hugs Mm • some of us think he ought to bo spanked, \vnat Uncle Will thinks is unprintable. THE CHILD AS BORN. Of course, we all are thorouehly capable of managing other people's children. If only they could be taken away from their parents and delivered into our own competent, hands they would be really well brought up. With no harshness, no'indulgence would we spoil their natural goodness, but would lead them in the way thev should go by our sweet reasonableness and our choice of the golden mean. Like most proverbs, that concerning " old maid*s children " is founded upon observation and deduction. We forget that never yet was there born a child without a keen instinct for getting its own way, and as children are not hampered by the looking before and after, which* makes cowards of us all, they score heavily against even the most sweetly reasonable person in charge. We forget, too, that children seem to thrive as mcch on their parents' mistakes as upon their wisest endeavors, which is a useful provision on the part of Nature. THE CHILD AS MADE. Other people's children have an uncanny way of knowing what is expected of them. They respond to the showman attitude iii one or two ways. They either sulk and refuse to be put through their paces at all, or they enter into it with the consummate skill of the artist and every appearance of enjoyment. In either "case the child is at its worst under ench conditions. It is made to appear greedy, selfish, vainj egotistical, precocious, and impudent. The mere bachelor might be forgiven if he came to the such attributes formed the sum total of the juvenile composition. But very seldom does the child on exhibition betray a single scrap of its fundamental make-up or of the questions and aspirations which lurk beneath the surface. These things would be out of place among parlor tricks, and must be jealously guarded against betrayal. If you can be with a child under natural conditions and if yon are of the right temperament, you will soon win your way into its confidence and will learn a great deal about a wonderful world in which vou have almost ceased to believe, so far away in tho past does your acquaintance with it seem to have been. Then the child ceases to be another people's child, and you become comrades setting out together on a wonderful adventure.