MR DOOLEY ON THE PRINCE OF WALES

Evening Star, Issue 17394, 2 July 1920, Page 2

MR DOOLEY ON THE PRINCE OF WALES

[By "F.G.ISV in 'Melbourne Age.'] "So we want me on th' Prince iv Wales, misther raypoorther?" "If you pleis3, Mr Dooley.'' "Shure, it's a pleasure, me ]a-ad. Tis up to me f'r to spot a few wurrads on this suspicious akashion. Me rilitives in Ameriky will be pleased to hear from me agin' through ye'er gr-reat journal. An' what ia it ye wish me to say, ire la-ad?" "What do I think iv th' Prince? Shuie, he's a gr-and la-ad. Th' ri-right inan-an in the r-right place. I seen that much fr'm th' balcony iv the Gr-rand HoteL Whin I seen liim passui' through th' gr-reat multitood iv people, bowi'n' an' smilin' so pleasant, I said to mesilf: ' He's t* ma-an f'r ye-ers thruly, Daniel Dooley, American bor-rn, though ye be. Lift ye'er lid, ma-an.* And lift me lid I did, as I niver lifted it in me life to amvy president iv th' American raypooblic. "Yo see, misther raypoorter, though I'm nob much throubled be lickrachoor, bavin.' manny worries iv me own, I'm as quick as arsjy wan to rikognise a natur'l bor-rnt-uler Iv men whin I clap eyes on 'im. Me obs«rvashion powers is nat'rally sthromg. Whin I heerd ye'er Prince iv Wales oomin' up Bourke street, preparat'ry to passin' xindher me own eves, and heerd th' tumultous cheerin' fr'm tin thousand throats, without wan single hoot. I says: 'Daniel Dooley, what.' is the Prisidint iv th' gre-reat American raypooblic alongside this ma-an? Where is he to-day? What is he doin'? A par-rty ma-an, sittin' in sackcloth an' ashes, a dar-rk political sorrow knawin' at his bosom, readin.' in a voice broken be tears, the treaty iv the League iv Nations iy the worruld that th' Senate wudden't an' the draft iv the Armenyan mandate that was tor-rn in pieces be an overmijoxity. That's th' gr-reat American raypooblic f'r ye, Daniel Dooley. That's the head iv all the Americans— Scandinavians, Rooshans, Hungarians, Joos, Poles, Germans, an' English eating people, and others. The gr-reat nation that wan the war-r. and thiu raytired fr'm the bloody battlefield iv progriss to let th' smaller nations fight it out among thimeelves. I will not attimpt, misther raypoorter, to dispute tli' merits iv th' manny gallant British an' French aojers, statesmen, correspondents, an' kinetoposcope men who claim th' distinction i'r their- own but I tell ye confident'aily that its's me own firm-rm kinviction that hist'ry will record th' fact that it was the Gr-reat American Raypooblic that wan th' war-r—and lost it.'

"But to come back to me subjikt—th' Prince iv Wales, Duke iv Cornwall, Gr-reat .Steward iv th' Scottish, fens, etc. He ' is' a ruler, me la-ad. Th' gr-reat rayciption that he got in Melbourne proves it. The rayciption that ye'er Prima Ministher and the other salary-grabbin' poilvticians got aocinted it. Ye can't" be a pollvtieian an' a rale ruler at wan an' th' same time, Misther Raypocrther. The hist'ry iv the Gr-reat American Pi-aypooblic dimonstrates that pint most kinclusivly. A Raypooblic —'spee'ly a Dimmycratfc Bavpooblic— is all har-rt an' ideals, but no head. Thepeople thimselves hav heads enough, but whin they come together an' start mixing thim there's got to be a scatter—par-rt iv th' heads bein' strewn on wan side iv th' fence, and th' other par-rt on the other side iv th* fence. That's where th' advantage iv a cr-rowned head comes in. He kin come along aftherwurrds an' gather up a bagful iv th' heads from either sido iv th' bloody battlefield iv pollytics, en' retire to his castle that's as big as an hotel, where nobody gees in excipt thim that's ast, an' not all iv those, an' in th' privacy iv his own bedchamber he kin consult with th' editors iv th' gr-reat noospa-apers, the jooks. the Archbishop iv Canterbury, an' annybody else he takes a notion to kinsult, and u"fther sleepin' on it overnight, he kin decide whether the game _is bein' played accordin' to the rules_ iv the Constitocshion, and give his verdict. An whichiver way he gives his verdict, he's bound to have a big lump iv the people with him, whilst those who don't agree with_ him have got to lump it, and be the time they have daycided how they will get rid "iv the crowned autycrat their political animosity has calmed down, and they decide it's best to lave things as they be—their turn will come next, they say in iffict. "But look at th' President iv Ameriky. be comparison. Whin there's a political scrap on, he's got to hav' a posy iv polls to kape his opponents fr'm rushing his bed. Fr'm th' momint he becomes Prisidint, there's a dozen men afther his job. They roar an' bellow at him from a hundred 'strong posts.' Fr'm the day he becomes Prisidint to the day he's "shot, or gits kicked ignominyusly out iv office, he's a marked man by wan half iv th' nation. If he's a Dimmycrat. the Raypooblicans hate him fr'm the start.. If he's a Raypooblican the Dimmyerats try to pison him. • The eounthry's Presidential election expenses alone is ton times the cost iv all the revenues iv ye're kings and queens, princes and jooks, and what does the counthry c;it out iv the traymindyus ixspence—a day's beer and full hospitals. An' now. judgm* be the noos in the noospapers, they won't even git the beer in Ameriky—the eounthry's gone over to lemonade an' sugar candv. The divile it has!

" To kinclude. Misther Raypoorther, because I know ye're space is precious, an* I can see ye'er getting impatient, ye kin talk as ye like about t' effete monarchies iv Europe, an' no wan will walk on ye'er toes; but I tell ye he's a bold man aiid a bad wan who says that th* monarchy iv the TSritisli Empire, in which. I'm proud to be temp-Vily residin', is an effete institution. The monarchy iv the British Empire is the gr-rer.test dimmyeratie institootion the wumild has iver seen. Take a *Raypoobliean's advice, and niver part with it. The day ye replace ye'er King with a pollytician, with the bedrock idea iv makin' ivry ma-an his own fxvtman, ye'er mighty Imperial wnrniks will begin to ;ro to Australia. Canada. South Africa would niver rikognise th.' authority iv a Lloyd George or an A«quith. Ye'er gr-reat Indian Empire would niver be persuaded to sav its prayers befure Ben TilIrtt. No. take me wurnird for it, Misthe-r Raypoorther, ye'er monarchial-raypoobli-can form iv govemmint is a wonderful mixture; but it suits ye. So do°s ye'er 'Prince iv Wales. Have a seegar. ilisther Ravooorther."