IN LIGHTER VEIN.

Evening Star, Issue 14185, 9 October 1909, Page 11

IN LIGHTER VEIN.

PROOF THAT FLIES DON’T TALK. The. littlo boy was looking at a fly-trap —one of these green, woven wire, sagar-loaf-shaped affairs into which flies crawl at the bottom, and from which they never find any way of escape. It was half-full of the buzzing insects, and others still were entering. “I’ve found out one thing about flies, anyhow,” ho said. “ What is that, Benny?” asked his mother. “I’ve found that they don’t know how to talk to each other.” “ How do you know that?’ “Don’t '•mi suppose those flies on the inside of that trap know they are caught and cannot get out? Of course they do. And if they could talk to ono another, don’t you suppose they would tell the flics on tho outside to go away, and not try to get in? Of course they would. They would not be mean enough to want their friends to be trapped just because they were.” BOY WANTED. J ho average boy is not a wonder of wit and wisdom, but most of them know a good thing when they see it. Also the contrary. _ Not long ago one of them saw a, notice in front of the shop: “ Boy wanted.” He was looking for something of that kind, and walked in. There was nobody in sight, and he stood gazing. Presently the proprietor, a somewhat ill-natured person, appeared. “ What do you want here?” ho inquired. “Well,” replied tho boy, disturbed by the man’s manner, and hesitating, “do you want a hoy hero?” “ That’s what the ticket says, don’t it?” snapped the man. “Yes,” responded the boy, getting his second wind. “Then wo want a boy.” “ All right,” grinned the boy, backing away, “you git one; you can’t have me,” and, his thumb being placed in conjunction with his nose, ’ho wriggled his fingers at tho man and retired with some haste. NO RETURN JOURNEY. While ou the new Man boat a Burnley man, who suffered severely from mal do m-er, was heard to say to his son: “ Jimmy, I’ve gotten a stick wi’ a silver knob ■ on’t a’ whonm. Tha con have it. There’s two or three quid i’ th’ bank, an’ it’s for t’ berrln. And, Jimmy, bury me in t’ Isle o’ Man. I can’t stand this trip agen, alivo or dead.” NOT WHAT THEY USED TO BE. The old gentleman who was always declaring that boys were not what they used to be stopped in front of the smart child. “Well, Buddy,” greeted the old gentleman, “how are you to-day?” “Very well, sir,” responded the smart child, shyly. “And do yon ever think what you are going to be when you are a great big man?” “ No—no, sir.” “Ah, I knew it. Children are so shiftless these times I And why don’t you give it any thought?” “B—because I am a little girl, sir.” A GREATER SURPRISE. The infant mind has much to learn in order to comprehend the English language or tho mysteries of etiquette. It frequently puts its constructor in a difficult pcsitkm, especially if, as in a case quoted in a well-known magazine, the instructor he a mother, ready to go out, with a wait- ■ ing and impatient husband downstairs. “Where are you going, mat” asked the youngest of the three children from his bed. | “ I’m going to a surprise party, ray dear,” ; answered the mother. “Can't we go, too?” “No, dear; you weren’t invited.” After a few moments of deep thought, during which tho mother was bidding the others “Good-night”: “ Say, ma, don’t you think they’d be lots more surprised if you took us all?” ONLY A TRAP. A gentleman was walking down a street, when he saw a boy place a large apple on some steps and then retire some distance away. The gentleman went up to him and said: “My boy, do you not know that you are doing very wrong in placing that apple on those steps? Some poor boy might be tempted to steal it.” “ That’s what I want him to do,” said Tommy. “Why?” said the gentleman. “Because,” said Tommy, “Tve hollowed the inside out and filled it with mustard.” A LESSON IN ASTRONOMY.. “Papa, how many stars are there in the sky?” “Millions, my son.” “ Millions, papa ?” “Yes, millions and millions.” “How do you know?” “Astronomers tell us.” “ Who are they ?” “Learned men who find out such things.” “How do they find out?” “ With telescopes.” “ What’s them?” “Long metal tubes with glasses at the ends. ” “And can they see that many stars with them?” “Yes, my son.” “ I guess they must he beer glasses, ain’t they, papa?” ALL SERENE. Pat got a job moving some kegs of powder, and, to the alarm of the foreman, was discovered smoking at his work. , “Gracious!” exclaimed the forenjan. Do you know what happened when a man smoked at this jcb some years ago? There was an explosion which blew up a dozen men.” That couldn’t happen here,” returned Pat, “’cos theres only me and you!” Side by Side at the Seaside.—Athletic Bather: “ I just doto on Browning, don’t you. Fair Bather: “ I don’t mind browning ns long as it doesn’t freckle." The Kind He Was.—A kindly lady evinces great interest in the personal welfare of her servants—-an interest which led her not long since to moke inquiry of a new maid-of-a.ll-work touching the latter’s domestic felicities. “I understand, Nora.” said she. “ that yon have a model husband ” “Shure, mum, he’s the foinert a gyurl could have,” was the enthusiastic response. “If ye could sec th’ way he trates me. mum. vrid be Mther savin’ he were a frind inrtid of a husband ” "