THE FELLOW LODGERS.

Evening Star, Issue 14053, 7 May 1909, Page 10

THE FELLOW LODGERS.

[All Rights Reserved,]

By W. E. Noeris -(Author of ‘The Square Peg,’ etc.), Arthur Bertram, out of all patience, pimped up and rang the bell violently. For more than an hour the lady upstairs had been practising violin exercises, and during '.he whole of that time he had been sighing, burying his head in his hands, and distractedly rumpling his hair in the vain endeavor to put final polish on an article or which copy had to be delivered the next morning. Forbearance and courtesy must have limits, and, after all, when one takes rooms in the extremest outskirts of West Kensington, it is precisely in order to escape the hideous din of modern traffic, not in order to have one’s nerves set on edge by the caterwauling of contiguous catgut. So when stout Mrs Stone, his landlady, appeared he said : “ Please present my compliments to Miss Whafs-her-name, and say that, since she must scrape that accursed instrument at a time of night which is most inconvenient to me, I should esteem it a personal favor if she could manage not to play a quartertone flat.” He looked so agonised and so fierce that Mrs Stone abstained from conciliatory words, though anxious to utter them, and only said she would give Miss Foster the message. Bertram heard her creaking upstairs, heard her enter the room overhead, and then heard no more, for prompt silence ensued. Well, if you are making a noise, and are asked, no matter how rudely, to stop, you cannot very well go on. But none the leas was Gladys Foster furious. She had not been playing false. It was. that grubby pld penny-a-liner’s accusation that was ialsc, and it rankled. She had never seen Bertram (who, as a mere matter of fact; was neither old nor grubby). She had not been long established in the modest second-floor apartments which surmounted his more pretentious suite. All she knew about her neighbor was that he pursued literature as an avocation, and that he smoked a-great deal. This latter circumstance afforded her an opening for the retaliation which self-respect demanded. IV hen Mrs Stone came to clear away her breakfast on the following morning she said, blandly;

“ My compliments to the gentleman downstairs, please, and since he must smoke at a time of night which is most inconvenient to me, I should esteem it a personal favor if he could manage to refrain from the use of shag.” - «

This time Airs Stone felt that she really must intervene. She had let lodgings for many years, and by means of tact had .-verted more than one threatened quarrel between the inmates of her restricted premises.

" i act. miss,” she began—for she was proud of possessing that quality, and fond p: inculcating it—“tact, you may depend, hj what is wanted in an establishment like th;s. As I was saying to Stone only this .morning, there must be give and take ” - here shall.” interrupted iMiss Foster. " B;- sure. Mrs Stone, that I shall always

;:;yo as much as I take, and perhaps a t.’iio more, so as to be on the safe side.” “Yes, miss, but ” “ Be so good as to deliver my message,” said .Mbs Foster, briskly. Mrs Stone withdrew. She was a little afraid of this very resolute and independent young lady, who knew the exact price of food and whose eves were quick to detect every speck of dust. On the other hand,. she was not in awe of Mr Bertram, who paid a much higher rent for his rooms, neyer examined the items in his weekly bill, and did not notice dust. Of the two lodgers it would certainly be less distressing to Jose Miss Foster than Mr Bertram; bnt why part with either? It was in the interests of both alike, not to mention her own, that Mis Stone decided to keep to herself certain remarks which fell from Mr Bertram on the receipt of Miss Foster’s counterblast. Naturally, a young gentleman does not like to be charged with using common, coarse tobacco. Neither would such a thoroughly nice young gentleman as Mr Bertram like, any lady to be told what be had said in the heat of the moment about her manners and veracity. For the rest Bertram, who, when not molested in the throes of composition, was good-humored enough, might have overlooked that insult about the tobacco if the form of its conveyance had not been so deliberately insulting. His own message, it was true, had not been too civilly worded; but then his grievance had been a genuine one, whereas Miss Foster could not really have been incommoded by his smoking with the door shut and the window open. _ So, although for several nights in succession never a squeak from the fiddle upstairs vexed his ears, he did not

forgive the fair fiddler, nor did he believe } that she had forgivea him. If 'it had been his privilege to be ! acquainted with Miss Gladys Foster, he jwould have been quite sure that she had j not. Left an orphan, with a very small in- j come, that typical feminine product of to- j day had declined the offer of a home ex- I tended to . her by anxious relatives, and had .proclaimed her intention, as well as her entire capacity, to take care of herself.’ Hence the .second: floor in West Kensingnebulous projects of becoming a professional violinist, more or less successful work as' a miniature painter, altogether successful play at golf, lawn tennis, and hockey, and other kindred developments? Miss Gladys liked to describe herself as a bachelor girl, enjoyed a wide popularity amongst her congeners, and passed for being—as, in the main, she was—a “good sort. However, she could not endure to be told that she played out of tune, nor could she flatter herself that she had got quite even with Mr Bertram by her tautological retort. She practised no more at night (because it is .a sorry task to cast pearls before swine and be grunted at for your pains), but lest this abstention should be misconstrued into an act of surrender, it seemed good to her to assert in some unequivocal fashion her right to do what she pleased in her own rooms. One evening, therefore, she assembled half a dozen of her girl friends and encouraged them to engage in athletic contests on a small scale. They fenced with the fire-irons, which was great sport; they put on the gloves and had some merry bouts: finally. a steeplechase on all fours was arranged over cushions .and other obstacles, which naturally resulted in croppers, screams, and much shrill laughter. The party broke up about midnight, and the hostess, rubbing her hands, wondered how the old curmudgeon downstairs had liked that'.

He disappointed her by despatching no overt protest; bnt on the following evening, just as she was settling down to serious study of a work on missal painting in the middle ages, there arose from below such an uproar that she was fain to drop her book and thrust her fingers into her ears. She had not until then been aware that Mr Bertram owned a piano; but it seemed that he did, and that somebody else possessed a cornet, while a third person could a drum at irregular intervals with a vigor worthy of better employment. this was terrible; hut it was almost worse when the revellers began to sing. There were choruses, „there were solos, there were outbursts of full-throated masculine hilarity, compared with which the poor little cachinnations of Miss Foster’s lady friends had been but a whisper. The hubbub, too, was prolonged until a much later hour than hers had been, and when at length it ceased, she had to acknowledge, as she lay with her mortified head smothered beneath the bedclothes, that she had been over-trumped. Of course either she or Mr Bertram -would have to go. It was hateful to own defeat ;but it was impossible to dwell any long-er under the same roof with a doubledistilled brute. It might not be impossible, though, to inflict some punishment upon him. The outcome of protracted reflection during breakfast the next morning was that she decided to take the opinion of a solicitor with whom she was acquainted, and she was about to set forth on that errand when she espied the disturber of her peace emerging on the landing beneath her. The steep, narrow staircase was rather dark, so that she could not see him very distinctly; bnt she received the impression that his shoulders were shaking, as with silent laughter, and what more natural than that she should at once toss up her chin? Natural, but under the conditions unwise, and poor Miss Foster’s pride was promptly followed by the proverbial fall. She missed the first step, clutched wildly at the banister, which eluded her grasp, and was precipitated down to the first floor, humping her head, losing her hat, and—worst humiliation of all—being picked up by Mr Bertram, who hoped, in accents of deep concern, that she was not much hurt. Save for a few contusions, she was not hurt at all; but she was dazed, shaken, and dreadfully afraid that she might be going to cry. How it came to pass that she found herself reclining in Mr Bertram’s arm chair, with a bottle of salts in one hand and a tall glass of whisky and soda in the other, she could not afterwards have explained; but there she was, and as soon as she felt sure of being able to control her voice she said : '

Sorry to have behaved, in such an idiotic way. Where’s my hat?” “Close beside you; but please don’t stir until you feel a llttle better,” answered the young man considerately. She noticed that he was a young man, and a -sliin, trim, nice-looking young man to boot. She may also have noticed upon his face a reflection of the surprise which she could not help displaying in her own, for he had pictured Miss Foster to himself ias a plain-featured, big-limbed virago, whereas the small person who was doing him the honor to occupy his chair had the bluest eyes, the whitest teeth, and the most charming bronze-colored hair that he had ever beheld in all his days. He was to find out presently, though, that her speech could be a good deal less engaging than her aspect.

“1. need scarcely tell you,” she began, after swallowing a mouthful of the whisky and soda and handing him the glass, “that I did not plunge down two flights of stairs head first, for the pleasure of introducing myself to yon; but, since we have met, I should like just to say that I thought your message of the other day rather clumsily discourteous. Although I am anything but a first-rate violinist, it so happens that'l am never—all my masters have remarked it —never off the note.”

" Aren’t you?” asked Bertram, suavely. “Then let me hasten to withdraw. It so happens that I'never, never smoke sha v; but such details are very, unimportant. a I trust that you have not been annoyed again dnce you remonstrated.”

“ I can’t say that I have observed any smell of smoke since,” Miss Foster reluctantly conceded. - “Of course, there have been other—disturbances.”

“Not of my creating, surely ! You can’t allude to your own—.was it a gymkhana?” J ‘ I allude to your—l’m afraid I can’t think of any name for last night’s horrors.” “Oh, my little conceit? I thought perhaps you, being musical, would enjoy that. Tetrazzini amp Melba threw me over -at the last moment—just like them! But I daresay you recognised Oamso’s voice. It’s a rather penetrating one.” ’ “ It penetrated all right,” answered Miss Foster drily. “So did the orchestra. I have an impression that that sort of thing is actionable; but, not being qnite sure, Pm just going to see my lawyers and find out.”

“Ah, don’t!” pleaded Bertram gently. “ I should hate to think of your running up a lawyer’s bill over a matter which might be so much more ■ pleasantly and inexpensively settled out of court. Wouldn’t the case be met by a full apology on my part arid s adequate damages—say ten pounds down? Then we might-shake hands.” A little against her will, Miss Gladys began to laugh. “I don’t want your ten pounds,” she answered ; “ but I am willing to accept your apology and shake hands if you will promise not to do it ao-ain.” Her band was instantly grasped, and was rather needlessly retained, while Mr Bertram gave the required pledge. He could do so with- all the more readiness, he said, because be would be under no temptation to repeat his offence. “In point of fact, I shall very soon be ckarin" out of this.” , °

“ Oh!” said Miss Gladys; and why an announcement which ought to have been so welcome should have had a suddenly chilling effect upon her is one of those obscure psychological problems which defy analysis.

“Yes,” Bertram went on complacently. “ I’ve had an unexpected stroke of lack. I heard this morning that I had been appointed editor of a rather important Review, and, as this will mean considerable increase of income, I think I shall have to sat iip a house of my own.” Of course, such purely personal affairs could not interest Miss' Foster, who was at a loss to imagine why she should be informed of them. She rose and said: “ Well, good morning. Thank you for picking me up. Also for the pick-me-up.” Bertram opened the door for her, extending his hand again ; but perhaps she thought once was enough, foe sfc© did-not -fe.: -T.:

It was really very odd—or, at any rate, Gladys thought' it so—that the fellowlodgers, who had never: before met face to face, should after this have been perpetually encountering one another dp the stairs. It seemed as if she could neither leave nor return to her rooms without coming across Mr Bertram, and as he was so shortly to depart for ever out of her sight and her life, there was no reason why she 'should not stop and engage in the brief conversations for which, he always appeared to be eager. Nor was there now any reason for denying that be was a pleasant, likeable sort of man, as men go. Furthermore, he had plenty of common sense, which was evidenced by his thirst for advice and docility in accepting it With regard to household economy and furnishing—-sub-jects upon which the competent Miss Foster loved to dilate. The conversations tended to prolong themselves. ‘ Sometimes (for there were questions relating to the removal of bookcases and pictures which could not he answered without personal inspection) they led to Miss Foster’s'spending a little time upon the territory of her former foe. At the end of a fortnight Mrs Stone began to smile and wag her head in an extremely knowing manner. “Tact,” said she to her husband—a heavy, taciturn personage, who ’ earned a little as an occasional waiter-, and habitually minded his own business; “tact, as I always tell you, Stone, will remove mountains. If it hadn't been for me—but there ! I leave you to judge. Look at them two: ready to fly at one another’s throats, as you may say, the other day, and this morn-, ing he was sending flowers up to her. Mark my words, Stone, nidl-e’U eomo of this than what you think.” “ I don’t think nothing about it, Maria,” answered Mr Stone, which was doubtless tame. \

But he had a pertinent comment to make when, a few days later, his wife skipped triumphantly into the kitchen with the announcement that all was happily settled. “ They’re to be married in a month ! I had it from her" own lips, and I says: ‘Well, my dear,’ I says, ‘you owe everything to me. I don’t mind your knowing now,’ I says, ‘ that ’twas me as put him up to raising that awful shindy after you cam© near to bringing the ceiling down on his head. For, mind you,’ I says, ‘them as can look a hit forrard knows that the next best .thing to peace is war.’ And Miss Faster, she says: ‘You’re a wonderful diplomatist, Mrs Stone,’ says she;” “You may be that, Maria,” observed Mr Stone, removing his pipe from his mouth ; “ but what strikes me is this -. If all you get by tact is to lose your first floor and your second at one go, why. you might in future do more justice to yourself and me if you was to give tact a bit of a rest.”