"MR DOOLEY" ON SWEARING.

Evening Star, Issue 11776, 5 January 1903, Page 3

"MR DOOLEY" ON SWEARING.

“Mr Dooley” (J. P. Dunne), the American ‘humorist, thus amusingly discourses on swearing in the ‘Winnipeg Tribune.’: “ I don’t believe in profanity, Hinnissy—not as a. reg’lar thing. But it has its rises an’ its place. F’r instance, it is issintial to some thrados. No man can be a printer without swearxu,’. ’Tis impossible. I mind wanst- I wint to a printin’ office where a frind iv mine be th’ name iv Donovan held cases an’-I heerd th’ foreman say: ‘What gintleman is setting A thirty? ’he says. ‘ I am,’ says a pale gintleman with black whiskers who was atin’ tobacco in th’ roar iv th’ room. ‘Thin,’ says th’ foreman, ‘ye blan-kety-blank blacksmith, got a move on ye. D’ye think this is a annyooal incyclopcjee? ’ he says. Ivrybody Swore at ivrybody else. Th’ little boys runnin’ with type prattled innocent profanity, an’ afther awhile th’ iditor come in an’ he swore more thin annybody else. But ’twas aisy to see he’d*not lamed th’ thrade iv printer. He swore with th’ anthusyasm an’ inacc’racy iv an amachoor, though I mus’ say he had his good pints. I wishfc I cud raymimber what it was he called the Czar of Rooshyr f’r dyin’ jus’ as th’ paper was goin’ to press. “ I cud’ve often used it since. But it’s slipped me mind.

“Swearia’ belongs to some thrades like printin’, bricklayin’, an’ plumbin'. It is no help at all, at all, to tailors, shoemakers, hairdressers, dintists, authors. A surgeon needs it, but a doctor niver. It is a great help in unloadin’ a ship, an’ sailor men always swear—the cap’n an’ mate whin wumik goin’ on an’ th’ men before tho mast at meals. Sojers mus’ swear. They’se no way out iv it. It’s as much th’ equipment iv a sojer cartridges. In vigorous spoort it is niciss ry, but niver at checkers or cliiss,

an’ sildom at dominoes. Cowboys are compelled to use it. No wan cud rope a cow or cinch a pony without swearin’. A sthrict hringin’ up is th’ same as havin’ a wooden leg on th’ plains. Profanity shad be used sparingly, if at all, on childer—especi- , ally girls—an’ sildom on women, though I've ■ known an occasional domestic ‘Dam ye’er eyes.’ to wnrmk wondhers in reg-latm’ a family. Women can’t swear. They have th’ feeling, but not th’ means. Weethem men swear betther thin Eastern men, though I mus’ say th’ mos’. lib’ral swearers I iver knew come fr’m Boston. | “ But it don’t do to use pro-fanity th’ way i ye wnd ordin’ry wnrmds. No, sir. Ye’ve j got to save it up an’ invist it at th’ right I time or got nawthin’ fr’m it. It’s betther i thin a doctor fr a stubbed toe, but it niver cured a broken leg. It’s a kind iv a first aid to th’ injured. It seems to deaden th’ pain. Women an’ childer ciy or faint I whin they’re hurt. That’s because i haven’t th’ gift iv sweatin’. But as I j tell ye, they 1 sc no good wasting it. Th' l man that swears at ivrything has nawthin’ j to say whin rale troubles come. I hate to j hear annywan spillin’ out th’ valyablc wnri ruds that he ought to save to be used whin ! th’ shtovepipc comes down. Not -that it , shocks me. I’m a dimmycrat. But I know | th’ foolish man is hurtin’ himself. Put a j little profanity by fr rainy day, says I. Ye j won’t miss it, an’ at th’ end iv th’ year, j whin ye renew ye’er lease, ye’ll be surprised 1 to find out how much ye have on band. But if yo hurl it broadcast, if ivry time ye open ye’er mouth a hot wan lapes out, th’ time will come whin ye’ll want to say something scorchm’ an ye’ll have nawthin’'to sav that ye haven’t said f r fun. I’d as soon think iv swearin’ fr pleasure as iv lindin’ money fr pleasure, “ I “over knew Father Kelly to swear but wanst. ’Twas a little wan, Hnnrissv. Dhropped fr’m th’ lips iv a polisman it

wntTro sounded like a ‘thank ye kindly.’ Bet, be Hxvins when I heerd it I thought i 'snia fall down on th* head iv ScajiJim that he was fhrying to show th’ evil iv bis ways. Meha Mnrdher, but it was gran'. They was more varchue in, that wan damn thin in a. fastin’ prayer. Scanlan wint to wnrmk th’ next day, an’ he hasn’t tasted a dhrop since. “But th’ best thing about a little judicyons sweaxin’ is that it keeps th’ temper. ’Twas intinded as a compromise between namin’ away an’ fightin’. Before it was invinted they was on’y th’ two ways out iv an argymint”