REMINISCENCES 0’ A GLESCA CALLANT.

Evening Star, Issue 7307, 3 September 1887, Page 6 (Supplement)

REMINISCENCES 0’ A GLESCA CALLANT.

NO. III.—“ SCHULE.”

There’s an awfu’ haverin’ gaun on thae days aboot “ free cddication,” and a maist tremendous lot o’ rubbish talkit on the subjeck ; in fac’ when ony cuddie wants tae be thooht a wise man he’s only to stairt aff uphaudin’ “free cddication,” an’ hes pit doon as a “ gran’ thinker,” and sic like. Ye’ll hear o’ some folks haverin’ aboot “eddicatin’ the masses” an’ “compulsory laws,” an’ things o’ that ilk, that widna gie A jfardin’ tae some wee stairvin hauf-cled callant selliu’ claes-poles at the back door because he ocht tae be at the schulo bein’ “ eddicated,” whan maybe he’s no had ony breakfast, an’ disna’ ken whaur he’s gaun tae fin’ his dinner, Noo, tae ma mind, this is a’ a wheen trash, for I’rn gey share that whits no worth peyin’ for is no muckle worth hae’in; an’ if folks ’ll no pey tae teach their ain callants, they should jist be let tae dae the ither thing. I’m share ye canna fin’ ony kin’ o’ folks wi’ mair gumption than Glesca duels, and the lave o’ them wull baud their ain as faur as cddication gangs, wi’ onybody, an’ they paid fur whit they got. Lang ago there wis twa verra important things that helpit tae this en’—the Bible and the tawse—the first wis gude for influencin’ the weel-inclined laddies, and the tither had a michty effec’ on the rowdy callants ; but, I’m sorry tae say that the ane’s ab’eadist oot our schules, an’ the ither’s gaun fast the same gate. Noo, altho’ I wadna gang jist sae far as tho auld wumman, wha said tae the schulemaister whan she brooht her wee laddie tae the schule for the first time, “ Here’s oot Jock, raaister; see an’ thrash him weel!” as if that wis the ae thing needful, I wad say that if thae twa things I’m speakin’ o’ is Eit oot o’ the schules, we canna raise ony thin’ it a wheen gowks and gomerils. This is ma views on cddication, an’ I feel rael relievit like tae hand forth on the subjeck—mair especially as I ken no mony folks ’ll gree wi’ me; so we’ll win on tae the subjeck in han’. Weel, I used tae gang tae a wheen different schules, as ye may jalouse, but the ane I had the best time at wis the N . But I’m no gaun tae gie ye the rael name o’t, so we’ll jist ca’it the “Big Schule,” fur it was a big ane an’ no mistake. Whan I stairted out upon ma skolastic career I wis sent tae the “ Reverend Mr Jeduthan Lugclouter’s Seminary fur Young Gentlemen.” I didna like this schule, fur I never could get ony o’ the laddies tae fecht wi’ me; they wad gapg insteed an’ “ clyp” tae the maister, an’ I wis aye bein’ hud up fur palmies ; but wi’ a’ its faults it had ae gude pint; fur its a michty bad thing that husna somethin’ gude aboot it (like masel’, for instance), and the ane at this schule wis the lashins o’ prizes, Maist everbudy got a prize. There wis prizes gie’n fur Catechism, gude behavior, sayin’ psaulma aff by hert, punctuality, gude mainners, an’ I dinna ken whit no’. I ance got ane masel’ fur “ gude conduck ” —aboot the only ane I ever got for this subjeck—an' as I had been gettin’ palmied every day, an’sometimes mair than ance in ae day, fur nearly three weeks afore the examination, I thocht it wis very thochtfu’ o’ the maister tae try an’ make up fur his soottiuess in this wey. I min’ I got anither ane the nex’ year fur jografy cae’d ‘ Wanderins Amang the Ruins o’ Babylon,’ a maist interestin’ book—tho’ I never read it—but as there wis only twa ither chaps in ma class, an’ the ane wis awa’ fur mair than twa months wi’ the meezles, an’ the ither fellow wis only at the schule on dry days, mebbe I better no’ say muckle aboot it.

Aifter gettin’ on gey an’ weel, I took a scunner at the hale rick-ma-tick, thro’ no bein’ made a moniter, an’ hevin’ a slight misunderstan’in’ wi the maister, I thocht it beet tae leave, cover’t wi honors an’ thrashings. Weel, as I wis sayin’ the big schule wis faur the best, fur forby the eddicatioual advantages there wis aye some fechts gaun on tae keep things cheery ; fur onybody kens that cheerfulness is the best condition o’ mind tae learn in.

There used tae be a “denominational” schule owerby wha wir lookit on as bein’ sworn enemies, for whit reason I never could fin oot richtly, but I think it was maistly because they happent to be nearly a’ Irish laddies wha gaed till’t. Their playtime jist begude aboot the time oor’s wis up, an’ they used tae come and “ Ha ! ha !” at us, pit their fingers tae their nose, heave stanes, and sic like, because they kenned we had nae time tae go fur them. Hooever, we happened tae get a haufholiday ae day, an’ it wis agree’t that the best thing we could dae wis tae hae a “ big fecht ” wi’ the opposition schule. So away we nearly the hale “department" — mairched up the hill, prepared fur the battle, wi’ a big followin’ o’ the lasses tae see the fun. The “ Irish ” schule, as we ca’ed it, stood in big grunds, wi’ a wall roon it an’ porter’s ludge just at the side o’ the big gate. When we win there aboot fifty o’ us got inta a lang row, when, aifter yellin’ tae the man in the wee house tae “tell the chaps tae come oot an’ fecht us noo, if they daur,” we begude the performance. Each ano o’ us went up in front o’ the door wi’ wir bag o’ books, or strap wi’ the twabits o’ wud tap an’ bottom, and twirling them roun’ an’ roun’ hauf a dizzen o’ times, let them drive wi’ a bang agin the door, an’ os one boy steppit up whan the ither had flung his, we kep up the siege gey week We had knockit through twa panels o’ the door, an’, of course, lost twa bags o’ books, and just beginnen’ tae get tired for the want o’ opposition, when a funny sort o’ thing took place. The wee man in the hoose begude tae get feart, and thocht he wud open the door an’ hae a peep, but the loonie opened it at the wrang time, fur a bag fu’ o’ books jist happen’t tae be on the road fur the door, whan of coorse whan he opened it his stamaek cam’ richt against thae books, an’ they dung him clean ower. It wis a pity fur the books, fur the wee laddie never got them back again. By-an’-bye, when ane o! the teachers wis sent fur a bobby, we thocbt it best tae gang hame tae oor lessons ; but fur a’ that, whan their heed-maister cam’ doon complainin’ tae oormaister, we lost oor “piece-time” the next day in consequence. Ye may guess it wis a lang time afore wo stopped talkin’ aboot the “ big fecht.” Mon, it’s a gran' thing tae be wee; then’s the time tae enjoy life in a’ its best, wi’out bein’ fasht wi’ thochts o’ whit’s gaun’na be “the morn” or hoo things is gaun tae “ turn oot ” or hoo ye’re gaun’na manage this, that, or the ither thing. I canna bide tbae folks that’s aye scoldin’ an’ skelpln’ and scoulin’ at their weans as if they could na thole tae see the licht-bearted-ness o’ the callants. Siccan sour aviced folks maist gie mo the scunner. If wee laddies hinna some spunk an’ mischief in them whan their young ye’ll fin’ they’ll no turn oot ony great shakes whan they grow up ; but for a’ that they should aye be weel lookit aifter—noo frinstance. Every mornin* afore wo set aff for schule we maist a’ got a “ piece ” wi’ us an’ a penny forby, so as we could buy milk or twa scones an’ treacle frae the wee wife whasell’t them, or sio like; but there wis a wheen o’ us laddies wha thocht we could pit wir pennies tae a better use, as weel as buyin’ somethin’ mair tae oor minds than scones an’ treacle, so this wis hoo we did :

Aifter eatin’ wir “ piece,” we wad gang doon tae a wee Johnnie-a’-sort’s shop and spekelate, each 0’ us, in a clay pipe, a fardin’; a box 0’ spunks, a lardin'; and a hapna’ worth 0’ tobacco, and then ye might ha seen aboot sax 0’ us stannin’ in some wide pen reekin’ away like Auld Harry ; no sa’ muckle because we liket it as that we kenned it was against a’ rules an’ regelations, an’ made us feel independent like—mair like men.

Noo ye see the rael advantage o’ this wey o’ daen’ things wis that. whan we wir finished smokin’ we could fling awa’ the pipes an’ naebody wis a haet the wiser ; for. be the time wo had drunk aboot four cups 0’ waiter apiece ye couldna’ feel ony waff 0 smell at a’. .. _ , . . A bae min’ 0 ae time I bocht a braw biiar-root, and, aifter I wis dune smokin', went doon a close and hid it in a durk “ dunna,” but whan I gaed fur it the next

day an’ couldn’ fin’ it, I gied ower siccan i extravagance. ; Woo, I’ll no say a’this wis Jist the fair ( jag ; but its a’ by noo. 1 Amang the maist nobby times we used tae ] hao wis whan we got the singing’ lesson at schule ance a week. Noo, ye’ll mind that it ' wis nae cuddy that used tao teach us, but < ane o’ the maist talented musicians in i Glesca; but he had ae’ faut—he used to i tae tak owre muckle “droogan,” and mony’s the day whan he cam tac schule he wis sent : hame again on this account. Hoo’ever, < whan lie wis only a wee bit cantie we wad i get oor lesson ; an’ o’ sic fun ! 1 _ He had a temper (like maist gude musicians) like the verra deil himsel’, an’ whan : he did happen tae be a wee bit on he wad be either awfu’ nice or maist awfu’—the ither wey. This used tae be his style :—ln a voice 0’ thunder: “ That wee laddie in the tap raw, stan’ up.” Wi’ fear an’ tremblin’ the callant wad slither on his legs ; then, turnin’ savagely tae the black-board, auld L wad gie twa or three dabs wi’ his bit chalk, syne yell oot at the pitch o’ his vice : “ Noo whit’s this black man wi’ the a’e leg ?” “A crotchet.” “Verra gude. Noo whit’s this roon heed wi’ nae inside intil’t ?” “ A semibreve.” “ Ay, ay. Noo whit’s this man wi’ the black heed, the a’e leg an’ the twa tails?” “A semiquaver.” “Mon, that’s gran’!” An’, divin’ doon in his pooch, he wad bring oot some siller an’ say tae a callant in the front raw : “ Here, ma boy, gang oot an’ get me twa hap’nies fur that penny ; an’ if ye canna’ get that, bring back fardins'’; yellin’ oot aifter the boy in a voice fit to waukin the deid By-an’-by aifter gettin’ the play-grun’ door unlockit, the wee billie wad come back, “Please, sir, I couldn’a get hap’nies sol brocht fardins.” “ It’ll dae, it’ll due; noo, stan’ up the boy that answered a’ the questions. Come doon; here, see there’s twa fardins tae ye fur ye’re cleverness ; ye’ll be a great man yet; ye’re a rael smart chiel; gang back tae ye’re seat.” The poor boy wadna hae sat down right ’afore the thunder wad roll oot again.” “Stan’ up, an’ tell this widden-heeded cauf whit the black man wi’ ae’ leg an’ three tails stan’s for.” “Please, sir, a demi semi-demi-quaver.” “ Ademi aemi-demi cuddie, ye staumrel; a’ wunner ye’re no blate tae open yer mooth; an’ aifter tea prize I gien ye.” Then with a verra demon’s voice, “Gie’ me back the fardins this verra mennit; gie’ m’ them back ; what wad folks say if the ken’t I gied a prize tae a brosy-looking, greasy-pouched, curmudgeon like you. Don’t lauch at me, sir, or I’ll hae ye expelled the schule.” An’ afore the wee chap wad ken w 7 har he wis he wad fin’ himsel’ ane 0’ a dizzen stannin’ in the middle 0’ the flair to get the tawse frae the maister, as “ misbehavin’ durin’ the lesson,” whan auld L was gone. He was a wunnerfu’ man; a gran’ teacher, but whan his dander got up it wis an “education” in braid Scotch tae hear him speakin’, Aff coorse yo may jalouse we wirna a hate ahint other schules in oor “eneetation” rites and ceremonies, an’ mony’s the boy I’ve helpit tao baud under the pump whan he wis bein’ “pit through”—the waiter gangin’ in at his neck, an’ cornin’ oot at his shaes. These performances aye took place at four o’clock, aifter the schule had scaled, when the callant could gang hame and dry himsel. So ye’ll see this wis verra thochtfu’ on oor Sairt. Sometimes, hooever, the new boys idna like it. Ane in ma ain class I hae mind o’, whase mither went an’ seen the head maister ower the heed o’t, the consequence bein’ that aboot three dizzen 0’ us a’ got six liffys a piece. Woel, this laddie wis an awfu’ goodlookin’, gentle, meek boy, an’ it’s maist painfu’ tae relate that, twa or three days aifter, whan he was stannin’ up sayin’ his jografy, somehoo or ither a bit preen happened tae get stuck on the seat wi’ a bit cobbler’s wax, an’ puir Tummas jist sat doon on it. I don’t think masel’ he could hae noticed it, Ony wey, ho lets a yowl oot like a pig gettin’ kill’t, an’ went straucht awa hame, girnin’ the hale wey. Of coorse his mither had tae come and see the held maister again, but as naebody could imagine boo the preen could hae gotten there, we had a’ tae stey in an’ learn ae page 0’ spells aff by heart. Hooever, we pey’d 1 him oot fur it, fur nearly sax weeks aifter, 1 whan ony laddie had naethin’ to play at at “ piece-time,” he amused himsel’ by speirin’ at Tummas gin he could len’ him a preen. But whit Scotch schuleboy could ever ‘ think tae win on in the warl’ wi’oot the I Question-book hevin’ been weel drummed intil him. I can min’ the time weel when 1 “ Effectual callin’’ meant three liffys, an’ I “ Original sin” wis equal tae bein’ kep’ in hauf an hour. Somehoo I never got through ma questions wi’oot stickin’ at some o’ them, an’ in the eyes of the Rev. Jeduthan 1 Lugclouter a boy that couldna’ say his “ questions ” wis worse than ane that couldna’ spell. Altho’ I dinna’ haud a’ thegither wi’ the questions, I maun say this much; that in the minds 0’ maist o’ us youngsters the “Shorter Catechism” had an effec’ that wis for the better an’ no fur the waur. Glesca Jock.