THAT DOOR-SPRING.

Evening Star, Issue 7093, 23 December 1886, Page 1 (Supplement)

THAT DOOR-SPRING.

He slid quietly into a Jefferson avenue hardware store yesterday forenoon, unrolled a paper on the counter, and, as he held up a patent door-spring, he said : “ I buy him two days ago, und I like to exchange him for a vhetstone.” “ What’s the matter ? ” “ Vhell, I can’t make him fit on my screen door.”

“Why, that’s the easiest thing in the world. See here. This end screws on the door, and that end on the casing.” “ I tried him dot vhay, und he doant vork.”

“ When it is on, you take this metal pin and turn the spring. See the holes there ? ” “ I does dot vhay, und my screen door flies open.” “ You turned the wrong way.” “ I turns him eafery way. Sometimes der door vhas wide open, und all der flies in Michigan go in; und sometimes he vhas shut oop so tight I can’t get in my own house. I begin on him in der morning, und I doan’ leave off till night, but he won’t work right.” “ That’s curious. What tools did you have?”

“ I use a hammer, uad a screw-drifer, und a ahisel, und saw, und auger, und coalbar, und lots of more, but he doan’ spring for me. My wife works at him too, und my hired man he lose half a day, und I vhas discouraged. I guess I trade him for a vhetstone.”

“ Well, I’ll exchange with you, but I’m sure I can show you how to adjust it.” “ I guess I doan try any more. You see my life was short, und I can’t spare so mooch time mit machinery. If I gets a vehtstone I doan’ have to screw him on nor turn him round, Dere vhas no pins or ratchets in his stomach. He vhas all right both ends oop, Maype he doan’ keep oudt flies, but he makes no troubles for me.” The exchange was made, and the man went away light-hearted, calling back from the door:

“ I can make oudt a vehtstone all right, und I was obliged mit you. A vehtstone winds oop only one vhay.”