POSTSCRIPTS.

Evening Star, Issue 5073, 9 June 1879, Page 3

POSTSCRIPTS.

During Mr Bowen's speech at Rangiora recently, whilst severely criticising the provisions of the land tax, and the many mistakes that had been made in filling up the forms supplied by the valuers, he stated that he knew a gentleman who had filled up a form in such a way as actually to bring the Government in debt to him, and who was prepared to argue the case in a law court, and to substantiate his claim. The following new definition of " drunk " was given at the Christehurch Police Court on Monday :—A man who was brought up on a first charge of drunkenness, pleaded not guilty in a most determined manner. The in-resting constable said he had picked the man up near the Colombo street Bridge "in a state of drink." The accused queried, " You say you picked me up on this side of the bridge?" "Yes," said the constable, wuh emphasis, " This side of the bridge." "Then," said the accused, "I plead guilty to being drunk." Mr Mellish : "You are lined &a, sir, for being this side of the bridge." The spectators enjoyed the joke, but the accused appeared somewhat taken aback.

One moonlight evening a short time ago a Grahamstown gentleman saw a young lady home. On arriving at the young lady's residence the gentleman detained the fair one at the gate breathing soft nothings into her ear, but would not go into the house, as by some means or other he had incurred the resentment of papa. While the loving pair were enjoying the tetc-a-tctc inside tho. gate, the lady's indignant parent spotted the youth, and the next thin- the latter experienced was bein» seized by the scruff of the neck and the seat of tho unmentionables, and lifted clean over the fence. Tlds sad story is eaid to be strictly true. A correspondent of thcTnaiv/ahua ' Times' baa filleii foul of tho 'Lynll A trw*,' and thus Mils InrHi him Imm-v :—"T ne editor of 1 ho ' ' „n : tii.Uv.ii b *i j„iH . l;il ii 4 <r e against me, because in my last l«fcfc«i; J suggested, as he was going to the Sydney. Exhibition, the

Commissioners ought tp preserve a special case for liiia (I meant a case of Hennessy), whereupon bo used some of hia choicest language, taken from the Billingsgato dictionary, and likened me to the connecting link. In returning compliments to his sickly, production, I would prefer being considered the connecting link to a veritable ape.,' " yEgles " says that a reverend gentleman, with an excellent opinion of himself, meeting an acquaintance the other day, said'with a somewhat lofty air, "Ah, what are you doing now ? " The gentleman interrogated, who has lately undertaken an insurance agency, replied, "Oh, I have gone into much the same business as yourself." " What is that—how is that? I don't understand." " Well, you see, I am an insurance agent—we both insure against fire. There is certainly this difference, my guarantees are always carried out—can you say as much for yours ?" The conversation was not prolonged. Inspector James, whilst conducting the Kaiwarra arson case, after examining a witness as to the origin of the fire, put the question, " Now do you remember anything unusual about thja particular morning ?" The reply was, "Yes", Bir, the fire was very unusual." The inspector looked at the floor, and hastened to hia next question not apparently seeing the joke, which set the Uaurt in a roar.

A youth who was locked up at Stawell (Victoria) on a recent Saturday for insulting behaviour in the public street, asked next morning to be released as he wished to attend church ! This piece of Colonial impudence is on a par with the impertinence of the larrikin who was fined 40s at Ballarat last week, and demanded a receipt for the money.

A rather amusing dialogue occurred at the Temuka Resident Magistrate's Court the other day between a lawyer and a witness who hailed from the Emerald Isle. It transpired that he and Daly were the only actors when the alleged " planting " of the horses, for which Daly was being prosecuted, took place. The witness, in his quaint humorous style, told how the horses were " planted" on the river terrace. " Where about did you plant them ? ' asked the attorney. "In a clump of treeß"said the witness. "Where all the world could see them?" "Yes, sor." "What," said counsel, " where anyone could see them, do you say ?" "Yes, sor." "Do you mean to swear, sir, they could be seen by everyone ?" " Yea, sor," reiterated the witness, with stolid gravity. "Now, sir, you are on your oath ; you say these horses were tied to a clump of treoa. Do you repeat, sir, that they could be seen by everyone ? " " Yes, sor," slowly replied the witness, and then he added, quite innocently, "if they were near enough."

Tightness of the citest fc»osetary) prompts a Gisborne residcet fc* vrrito as follows to a looal paper :—" Sir,~As I find that 'concerts in aid' are all the fashion now-a-days, I would suggest that one he given each "week for the benefit of tho«e who among us have —and who have not ?—bills to meet. The co-operative principle could not be better carried into the practice of everyday life, and we should be fulfilling the scriptural injunction by 'bearing ©ae another's burden.' Miss Jennie Nye—bless her heart—had a capital ' house 'of some 1/36, We are invited te ' look out' for the boat club conoert, which will probably net something handsome ; and now I have before me a Southern paper, in which it is stated that' a lady and her family' are promised a * complimentary ' concert on the eve of their departure for England. I therefore think if entertainments were held weekly during the winter months, and the proceeds set apart to the object I hive indicated, we might draw lots for priority of selection, and much personal financial pressure would be removed.—Yours, etc., Overdraft. "