POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXXVIII, Issue 156, 30 December 1944, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

and Continent

BY PERCY FLAGE

First American national flag Avas a. Union Jack in the top left-hand corner and 13 horizontal red and white stripes. » » * Wife (at court): My husband says that living next door to a publichouse enables him" to seize the-most opportune time to go in with a,certainty that he won't have to buy the first rounds. " ' - . ■ A Chinese mandarin of lofty rank attended a dance. He looked on for some time at the contortions and kicks of the perspiring young men and women; then he turned to his hostess, and said in a tone of mild astonishment: "Can't you get your servants to do this for you?" * ". ♦ ' * NOTEBOOKS. An Englishwoman having looked in vain for a certain kind of noteboofcin the big stores of pre-war Hong Kong, came upon a tiny, grimy stationer's shop. Entering, she asked the Chinese proprietor: "Have got notebook? All little hole along topside." The reply was: "I have several notebooks, madam, of different sizes, with perforated pages." c- ■ *.-:■■■; « CLEVER? A man who was always being sponged upon for cigarettes hit upon the idea of carrying two cases. One which he kept empty be named "The World." The. other, full, he named "Providence." When asked for a cigarette he would reply: "I haven't one in the world." "What.do you do for a smoke?" was the query. "Oh, I just trust to Providence.* TO THE UNDERGROUND. With you we faced the terror of th« night;. \ But now, where once the evil legions trod, ....-• The sword of wrath is in the hands of God, The dawn is here, and all the landii bright. . , • —Gustav Davidson* '-V ■ - ;-"';-.'«•■ ■'•.■-♦" - ..-*.•■ ■,■ -... NEAT PARTING. During the breaching of the Siegfried Line, as the American; troop* crossed a stream and a railway in the face of very heavy fire, a private was shot through the helmet. The bullet passed right through it, but only parted the soldier's hair. When.they cam* to a bit of cover and there was '*. short check, his friend turned to him. "Boy," he said, "when I saw that helmet I sure thought you was a dead man walking." . . : ■ 'FAN IN A FIX.. ■; A pretty girl stopped a well-known actor outside the theatre and asked for his autograph. She had a short chat with him, gave him a winning smile, and left. _ .**; Next day he received a letter from the fan. She reminded him of their romantic meeting, and added: "To mark the occasion, perhaps, you could oblige" me with a couple of seats?" .' . The actor replied: "I should love to send you two seats as. a memento,, but unfortunately I find upon examination that they are all screwed down." ■»:.'-■■#•;■ ♦".. ■ ■ •■ ORIGINAL TRAIN-BUSTER. . Train-busting, that honourable and exciting, task so brilliantly performed by Allied airmen, is no new thing. The originator of this particular sport was the celebrated Lawrence'of Arabia.' During the last war the railway line from Damascus to Mecca was in enemy hands, and Lawrence, single-handed, made it his job to see that the care-fully-guarded line did not operate. The weapon he used was a mine buried in the track and detonated a hundred yards away.-In-eighteen months he "bagged"' 79 locomotives, destroyed 57 bridges; and tore up 15,000 lengths of rail. The Arabs nicknamed him "the destroyer of engines." No one ever saw Lawrence at work. , . •*' •• ■ •» '■ •«, . ■ : : PEACE. ■ Now, God .be thanked Who has matched us with His hour, And caught our youth, and wakened us from sleeping, With hand made sure, clear eye, and sharpened power, To turn, as swimmers into cleanness leaping,. Glad from a world grown old and cold and weary. • - . • . Leave the sick hearts that honour could not move. And half-men, and their dirty songs arid dreary, . And all the little emptiness of love! Oh! we, who have known shame, we have found release there, Where's ■■thefe no ill, no grief, but sleep has mending, Naught broken save this body, lost but breath; Nothing to shake the laughing heart*. long peace there But only agony, and that has ending; And the worst friend and enemy is but Death, —RUPERT BROOKE. ■*■■ • . • CHAPLAIN LAUGHS. "Occasionally we get a good laugh out of our missions to the front line, said the Rev. L. J. B. Snell, seniof chaplain of a division in Normandy. "There was an occasion when I was with the fellows of a regiment who had taken advantage of a quiet spell to wash and dean up. "Out of the blue came a German plane and began to machine-gun us. The only sensible thing to do was to take cover. . "I dived head-first into the nearest slit trench. "Only when I arrived at the; bottom did I realise there was already an occupant—a small Lancashire lad. "I apologised for nearly squashing him to death—l'm over 14st " "That's all right,* he, mumbled. *I don't mind how many —- jump on top of me when those Germans are machine-gunning on top.'" ■ ■» , * • . *. PRECEPTS OF NATURE. I have just been reading Mia Dorothy Sayers's latest book, "Evek the Parrot"—a cryptic title for an. exercise in ironic humour as little like a Wimsey detective story as itds like the religious drama that has. more lately engaged the author's versatile talent. The book consists of a series of "exemplary conversations for enlightened childre*" in the early Victorian manner, with Nurse Nature explaining the mysteries of Natural History to : Master Archibald and Miss Matilda. Typical of her precepts is the exnlana- . tion of the salutary effects of the black-' out, with its creation of the darkness and stuffiness in which animals find the secret of natural sleep. "Howgrateful we should be to Herr Hitler/ exclaims Miss Matilda, "for imposing this excellent rule upon us, and thus improving our health and comfort!" > PETERBOROUGH. * ■. ♦ ♦ ! U.S. ELECTION WHIM. Mrs. Eleanor Roosevelt was walking in the grounds of White House,, when she encountered a pretty little girl, who had as company two little kit- -, tens. "Good morning, dear," said the First Lady in the land. "What pretty little kittens you have there. I wonder what sort of kittens they are?" "Oh, these are nice Democrat kittens. You would love them." "When Mrs. R. arrived back at White House she told Franklin D. of the incident, and he said he must see this sweet little girl later on. Half an hour later whilst being pushed round the drive the President met the little girl and her kittens. "Hullo, little girl! You are a nice little girl, aren't you? And what lovely kittens. Now, I wonder what sort of kittens they would be?" "Oh, these are very nice Republican kittens." "But you told Mrs. Roosevelt half an hour ago that they were Democrat kittens. They could not change -so soon." 'That was half an hour ago," replied the girl. "Their eyes have - opened since then."