POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXXVIII, Issue 137, 7 December 1944, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comhieni

Spartans in .400 B.C. used "wood smoke as a form of gas warfare. ■* * * M.E.T. says: There will be very little Hamra left for the Huns this Christmas. * « ■» "What will be the end of Hitler?" echoed • Bernard Shaw a trifle testily. "Why, he'll end up in the Viceregal Lodge in Dublin, of course." « « ■& Women in Court: When I asked what act of courage deserved the highest award, he said: "Marrying a woman." * * « WINDS. Dear Percy Flage,—These few line* are prompted by the recent winds'. Wellington Oh, Winds blow. Please excuse Dustbin refuse Going hence Over fence. "PRONTO." --- -» « LISTEN "Lend me twopence, John. I want to telephone to find oot if the McNaba are name." "Losh, wumman, dinna be estrava-" gant. Juist ask the lassie for the number, an' when she gets it and tells ye tae put in twa pennies—hang up ' an' come oot." 'GIANT PLANE. The Brabazon airliner to be built at Bristol will probably be jet propelled. The proposed route for this giant plane is London—Montreal—New ¥ork, with all-the-year-round crossings completed in fifteen hours. A Bristol Aircraft Company official, who made these forecasts, added that the Brabazon would bt the biggest, heaviest, most expensive, most luxurious, and fastest airliner in the world. It would be the Queen Mary of the air. "At present America has nothing to compete with it, nothing approaching it," he declared. * «■ «■ HOLDING HIS BABY. He was a young soldier and his face looked red and earnest when he came into the Red Cross Canteen in Los Angeles. Would he like some doughnuts and coffee? "No, thank you." Cigarettes? No. Stationery? No. Still he lingered, his face getting redder. "I wonder "he finally blurted. "Well, it's this. Four weeks ago my wife had a baby and I've never seen it. I'd just kinda like to hold a baby for a little to see what it would be like. I thought maybe you folks could get one for me." Within an hour the soldier sat contentedly holding a baby —exactly four weeks old. Contributor: "Old Soldier." * * * PANIC REPLACES APATHY. Apathy in Vienna has given way to panic, according to reports from Zurich, and fear.s are expressed that the capital will be within stoking distance of the Russian armies much sooner than anticipated. The "Daily Telegraph's" correspondent in Zurich says the number of people impressed by the Germans for labour on earthworks and entrenchments is tremendous, but there is no confidence that the works will be of any use. Privileged classes are fleeing from the city, and this is causing widespread discontent. The Zurich newspaper "Volksstecht" says there is not a farmstead in the country which is not overpopulated with Germans. Now to these compulsory guests are added streams of Hungarian and German refugees. * * * SOME TIME AGO. A letter came from a young woman survivor from the Egyptian liner ZamZam, sunk by a German raider, in April, 1940. The first shell killed her husband. In prison camp, in December, a baby girl was born. "Frances Winifred Joan," she wrote, "has put on 61b since birth, and grown a fine crop of very fair hair. VTien I reached the prison camp the other women survivors took special care of me, and went without extra food and clothing to give it to me. They have knitted baby coats, bootees, and leggings from wool unravelled from their own jump- - ers." She was specially grateful for a complete layette, sleeping bag, and tins of milk sent by the Red Cross. * -R- * TEAR IT UP. When you've shaped that pretty ditty-v Tear it up. Ten to one it's not so witty— Tear it up. For he's hard to please, is Percy; If it's weak, he'll show no mercy, But will flay you, sharp and tersy. Tear it up. And that billet-doux to Tilly— Tear it up. Pause, don't post it, silly-billy— Tear it up. .. When you've cooled and married Milly, There will be a tearful Tilly, And she'll sting you with that billetTear it up. That fine road that's sealed no nicely— Tear it up. Says the Council—not so wisely— Tear it up. Though it's good for years of taxis, And cost heaps in loans and taxes, \ Out with shovel, drill, pickaxes— Tear it up. C.V LISTEN TO THIS. Biologists believe that the natural term of life for any given animal is five times the period needed for that animal to come to maturity. If this be true, man should live, accidents barred, to 105. One thing is certain, , the average expectation of life is appreciably greater now than it was even a few decades ago, and anyone born today can reasonably expect to live into the eighties. This prognosis is based on the actuarial figures of the insurance companies. It is. estimated .. that, in every million people, 223 live to the age of a hundred, or 1 in 4484, and that of these 223 two-thirds are women and one-third men. No satisfactory explanation has ever been put forward to account for this preponderance of females except that, on tha whole, they lead more sheltered lives. • «■ *- * SMART DRESSING. ; Believing a young man must be smartly dressed to get into the Navy, John Green, aged 17, of Wing, Bucks, put on a blue, pin-striped suit, and a shirt belonging to a lodger at his home, and was on his way to London by bus to join up when a police officer arrested him because the clothing had been reported stolen, says the "Evening Standard." This was told at Linslade, Bucks, when Green was bound over for six months on a charge of stealing clothing valued at £7 10s. "It was my intention to join the Navy, and I wanted to look as smart as possible," he told the police officer. A probation officer asked for Green to stay at an approved home so he could have a medical examination, training for the Navy, and be called up at 18. The. Magistrate agreed. «• •::- * ROME'S Aachen once vied with Rome as the capital of Europe. It was Charlemagne's favourite city and his seat of Empire. In the cathedra! is the tomb of tnat champion of Christendom, who, according to tradition, was buried seated in his chair of State. A thousand and more years have passed since, then, but Aachen has never quite recovered its Carolingian splendour. In 1562 it finally lost its place as the Reims of the Holy Roman Empire where the Emperors were crowned. At that time the rise of France had made' Aachen almost a frontier town. Maximilian II moved the place of his election and coronation to Frankfurt. Aachen to the people of Western Europe has been known in modern times by its French name of Aix-la-Chapelle. Three European Congresses, those of 1668, 1748, and 1818, bear its name. Every schoolboy will recall how evanescent were their decisions. For a brief period at the beginning of. the last century Aachen was also offi- ' daily Aix-la-Chapelle.