POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXXIII, Issue 96, 24 April 1942, Page 4

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

America continues to come down in our world, thank heaven. .* • * * When our fighters reach full power . Then comes Zero's zero hour! « * * The trouble with all these peace offensives is that they are intended to promote such an offensive peace. * * * ■> Bish (Marton): Do ask our dear friend Melisande if the mailman delivers the men who are posted to camp. * # ♦ vy Add howlers: Queen Margaret's great innovation was the introduction of the observance of the Sabbath on Sunday. * * * -REPLY. Two Polish officers had had their meal in a local cafe and sat chatting to pass the time away. The waitress became impatient, and with the idea of speeding their departure interrupted their conversation, with the inquiry: "Check, sir?" . "No, Poles," was the polite reply, and they resumed their talk. * * # NEW FEEDING BOTTLE. Here's a mistake to end all mistakes, said the columnist in the Ogden (Utah) "Standard-Examiner," as he published the following directions for using a new feeding bottle for infants: "When a baby is done drinking it must be unscrewed and laid in a cool place under the hydrant for a while. If the baby does not thrive on fresh milk, it should be boiled." * * * ANZAC. A gleaming white memorial, a crowd By mem'ry hushed; the autumn wind with loud, t Sharp breath sways drying leaves; the sun slants down; 'Tis Anzac Day in a New Zealand town. The dahlias in the tended beds are red, And pink and white; ah! far-off, silent dead, What can you hear? What can you watching see? The trumpets gay, the flags of victory? RIORDAN HASTINGS. * * * "CANNY SCOT." Dear Mr. Flage,—l think it occurred in the lang toon o' Kircaldy, though it may have been in its neighbour Dunfermline—they are unco panky folk in both places. When Andrew Carnegie's father decided to emigrate to the U.S.A., his brother aided him financially towards that end. Dame Fortune did not treat the elder Carnegie too well, and the debt remained unpaid, but when young Andrew found his feet, he remembered the favour, and made his uncle a handsome. allowance per week. Visiting his uncle one day he remarked: "Well, uncle, it's a long time ago since you lent my father that money, and now it's about time I repaid it." "Na, na, laddie, dinna fash about the principle. I'm rale contented wi' the interest." • Yours, etc., J.H.D. * * # A TRANSPORT ALGEBRAINWAVE. Let x equal, one seat, z one-strap, and x equal 2z. Therefore 31x plus 13z equals 57 passengers. If 31x minus 6x plus 13z plus 12z equals. 75 passengers, therefore 31x minus 31x plus 13z plus 62z equals 150 head of cattle—which is to be demonstrated. Let t equal one tram and p one passenger. Therefore 196t x 57p equals one incomplete, unsatisfactory, and exasperating service. But 196t x 150p equals IOOt too many. Commending this logical solution to the authorities responsible for our service. 6 MILE-Z-HANGER. * * * GERM WARFARE. Already the Japanese are threatening the Allies in Burma with gas. It was several months ago that an American correspondent In the Far East reported that the Japanese were engaging in bacteriological warfare. The campaign started, he stated,, when, a single plane appeared over Changteh, north-west of Changsha, in the Chinese province of Honan. In an hour's flight over the city the plane dropped no bombs, but later the streets were found sprinkled with grains of rice in which were embedded tufts of cotton. Laboratory examination revealed that both, rice and cotton contained cultures of bubonic plague. Within a week there were cases of bubonic plague in Changteh—the first that had been known in China. In December Japanese planes over the province of Chekiang left a trail of what appeared to be white fumes. This proved to be, according to the correspondent, living fleas and fish eggs infected with cultures of bubonic plague and typhus. It was hoped thus to infect rats, the main spreaders of the diseases. * * * THOUGHTS ON A SPRING MORNING. . This soft, primrose morningMists rising from the stream, Birds' joyous singing— Like the tissue of a dream. Light on the willows Transforming each new leaf, The poplars' glinting movement— Earth has no time for grief. But for you who fight Half the world away In desert sands and heat, What brings the opening day? There man's perverting war And death, careless of direction, Mock the age-old law Of life renewed and resurrection. HELEN BRETHERTON. * * * IMPERATIVE INJUNCTION. Dear Mr. Flage,—Moved by a pressing invitation to a free cinema show, I attended the display of a film prepared "for your instruction, not for your entertainment," by the National Emergency Services Council of New South Wales, where one was told in print, and then shown in pictures, how to face the emergency of an air raid; "how to face UP TO an emergency" was the way the film put it, the scriptwriter being inclined to squander prepositions in the style of the United States of North America. What particularly impressed me was the imperative injunction: "In the open lay prone in the gutter." Wonderful people these New South Welshmen; they lay; in particular, the males lay t for straight after the printed direction we were shown a young man doing it. Unfortunately, however, I could not see what it was he was laying. I have kept ducks that did this sort of thing, but I neveivknew a New Zealander, male or female, with the same gift. I think the Government ought to stop showing this film, or have it censored. It only makes us envious of Aussie skill and resourcefulness. Also, it is hard to obey the injunction to be in* structed without being entertained.— Yours truly, ON-LOOKES.