POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXXII, Issue 37, 12 August 1941, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

i Today the Vichy Government carries [two V's: they stand for Vac Victis! * * * ■ Trust' the Italians to keep footing it: they are now concentrating on running ! commentaries. | # # ♦ ! We are waiting to hear Goebbels condemn the Russian air-f|ghters over Berlin as crude impropagandists. * * • I. B. Dam: Russia has taken the rush out of the Germans, but HiJtler has not taken the hit out of the Rttssians. * * * Mussolini: "My heart goes with my warriors." It doesn't; it is always in his mouth. ' » « * TAXES. • Britain's Prime Minister, Winston Churchill, receives a salary of £10,000 a year. After paying taxes be is left £3168. To give him £10,000 a year clear, his salary would need to be £266,960.. ■::- » ,- • LIMERICK LINES. There was a young man from En Zed Who believed all the war news he read, So when two tales conflicted, And were each contradicted. This young man went out of his head. ■X- « * i INQUIRY. Dear Persiflage,—l saw in a newspaper recently an advertisement for a "Russian collie." None of my reference books on dogs mentions such a breed. Perhaps one of your readers could give a description of this type of collie. With thanks in anticipation; MAC. * * # informationl I shall be pleased if you will settle a dispute for me. The question is whether a submarine with engines' stopped requires to remain on the surface or rest on the bottom, or whether the vessel can remain at any intermediate depth required. I am N. If the motors are stopped and the submarine is left to behave as it likes it will inevitably either float or sink; but by operating pumps to adjust its buoyancy from time to time it could be kept more or less at the same depth. ■» * *■" i ■ WHEN ADOLF FAINTED. News recently reached the ineffable Himmler from Paris of the arrest of Dr. Martin Buechler, formerly Hitler's dental surgeon, whose subsequent attacks on the Nazis enraged the' Fuhrer. The dentist's connection with the Fuhrer dates back many years when Buechler examined the carious teeth of a man in a. dirty raincoat and split shoes in his Friedrichstrasse consulting room, Munich. The patient was .the beer garden orator, Hitler. Another of Buechler's patients was Goebbels, who refused to pay his bills. Another was Ernst Roehm. It was owing to his connection with Roehm (whom Hitler "bumped off"), that the dentist had to flee Germany in 1934. He went to France and added to the gaiety of nations by describing Hitler's cowardice when copfronted with forceps; hbw he fainted at the sight of an injection needle, and many other incidents With that ghoulish humour for which he is famous, Himmler is charging the dentist with having embezzled money in 1934. *. ■.»... • « .: UNSOLICITED TESTIMONIAL. Smelly Sandy writes: An Auckland friend who was in England on a business visit shortly after the last war told us this story. He had to attend a conference in a certain street and, finding that time was running short and that he was likely to be late, he stopped and asked a policeman if there was any short cut he could take -which would bring him to his destination, more quickly. The Bobby began a wordy explanation, but the Aucklander interrupted and said: 'If I ever begin to follow your directions I'll get bushed for sure, and lost altogether." He began to turn away but "Robert" grabbed him by the arm and said: "Where do you come from? Australia? New Zealand? that you use the word 'bushed'?" The Aucklander explained that he was from New Zealand. The policeman said: "I would like to shake hands with you, sir; your New Zealand soldiers were 'the gentlemen of the Army/ " An unsolicited testimonial, and the Aucklander arrived late for the conference after all, but was he proud! -..*•■■ *" • * * CURRENT EVENTS. The criminals and conchies have got a cushy job . ' . And all the Government can do is just sit down and sob. /Their tale is so pathetic that it really makes it plain That everyone obeying laws is looked on as insane. If you can hit a warder very hard upon the head Or can convert a motor while the owner, is in bed Or beat up a civilian to enhance your selfish ends '-■._*.«_ Or swear that you will never fight the Devil and his friends Then you're coddled up and petted as you never were before And those of us who keep the laws are feeling very sore. ■* : * . *■'■■•■ "NEW ORDER." Dear Percy Flage,—The gent responsible for that quaint slogan, If the mountain will not come to Mahomet, Mahomet must go to the mountain," would have seen a practical demonstration of his theory had he handled a handle with me at my favourite pub last Saturday As a student in the science of numberf I used to try out a system at various "pakapoo joints" in We Haiiung-Tara-naki-Tory Streets area, but, whenjan unsympathetic S.M. awarded «£ cobber "Ned" two quid (one atlhtfhl had to find) for being "found on the premises» I reluctantly relinquished my studies in this direction. Last Saturday opportunity knocked again at my door. An enterprising Chinese, enSraged no doubt by f the^ample set by the promoters of the recent Queen Carnival, operated in the pub-, lie bar and the brazen effrontery with which his "paraphernalia" wou£ havTcaused any local "bookie" S fare t? the '.'joint" and untold mental anguish while there lest I be ?ound" and then fined. Its extension should suit the police, as they could then discard pneumatic drills, crowbars, and wire cutters now .used gain entrance to get their man. If I collect, you and I are each on a new hat • My wife flatly refuses to be seen down town with me in my present headgear. Womenfolk, at times, are rather unreasonable, I think. Here* hoprng-Your* .^^