POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXXI, Issue 83, 8 April 1941, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronide and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Henry-—Schoolboy's definition: A dogma is the mother of puppies. * * *

There is an Empire army in Greece, and here's hoping that the Nazis down there will soon be in the soup.

A revenue surplus for the Government nowadays means a deficit for hordes of taxpayers like ourselves.

Hot news: The sheet-draped Mahatma Gandhi carries his false teeth in his loincloth until meal time comes around.

"If a colloquialism is permissible in the circumstances," comments St. Louis "Post-Dispatch," "Roosevelt spat in Hitler's eye."

North China "Daily News" ad.: Lost —Will gentleman who picked up fur coat Manhattan Bar. please return blonde, who was in it. No questions asked.

"LES MISERABLES." . A German film star visited Hollywood. She met a famous director. "Do you know." she said, "that we have just produced a film in Germany with a cast of 30,000?" "That's nothing." declared the American. "We often make films with 50.000 people in the cast.-' The film star was silent, but on her return to the Reich she told Hitler about it—and annoyed the Fuhrer very much. "Why didn't you answer the fellow?" he cried. "You should have told him that in Germany we are making 'Les Miserables' with a cast of 80,000,000.'' -* * * "BLACK MARIA." Writes A.J.C.: "Will you answer this one? How did Black Maria come into being? Where? And when?" In 1790 an old woman named Maria Dobson. who was something of a character in the neighbourhood of Drury Lane, often assisted the Bow Street runners by lending them her black dogcart for the conveyance of prisoners to the court. The vehicle was so often in request that official authority was given for the purchase of three more to be used exclusively for the transport of prisoners and they were always known as Black Marias. In Paris, prison vans are (or were) known as "Salad Bowls." in Berlin as "Judas Wagons," and in Vienna as "Green Henrys." The 150 th anniversary of Black Maria was celebrated recently by a party given at Bow Street police station. DIMBLEBEH! . Dear Flage,—The following incident lightened the labours of the Karori Home Guard's weekend camp:— The attack was sweeping by in waves, each man seeking any available cover, when the Company Wit. temporarily out of action, was noticed standing in the midst of it all ralmly observing operations. "Hey—what'yer doin' standing there?" he was asked. "I'm Richard Dimblebeh," he replied in the very best manner. J.H. Curiously enough, we had a friend from Auckland at our whare some I time ago who found a lot of fun in fooling with the name Dimbleby—a name which we ourselves regarded as something lifted out of one of Dickens's works. It was only the other day, after a considerable absence, that Mr. Dimbleby returned to the radio.

NEWS ODDITIES,

A Japanese concern is reported to have succeeded in evolving a hemp substitute from banana skins, and to be installing fibre-extracting machinery, which will make possible the production of 4,000.0001b of the substitute

a year

A long walk to enlist was undertaken by Australian W. J. Anderson. Living at Bourke. he set out afoot for Sydney. 513 miles away, rejected all lifts offered by passing motorists, reached the city in sixteen days. In that time he ate only six substantial meals —but he passed the Army doctor as Al.

Eton's Hogging block, on which hundreds of Etonians—including statesmen and princes—have been punished, has disappeared. It was in part of the college which was bombed, and the authorities think it has either been blown to pieces or that a boy got there before the salvage squad. The birches have been unearthed among the debris.

BEWARE! Swearing hard at Berlin, Ridiculing Rome—

Have we plainly asked ourselves, How are things at home? Worthy Messrs. Robinson, Smith and Brown and Jones, Living in glasshouses, Are we throwing stones? Gambling on our safety, Talking loud and long, Will some beery babbler Sell us for a song? Drift along to chaos. Chuck about your pay. Never mind the warnings Of a rainy day." Let the thunder mutter. Let the lightning flash! Never heed the omens' Of the threatened crash. Cursing hard at Hitler, Jeering at old Rome — Stop a moment, ask yourself. How are things at home?

WAR NERVES,

This clipping comes from "Pommie" (a ladyr). who believes that sensitive readers will find in it something to keep their nerves from cracking.

Adjustment to war conditions is bound to test the nerves. Keep them nourished and in control; then they will stand up to sudden and unexpected demands. If you can eat well, so much the better, but if the strain prevents hearty eating, take a blood and nerve tonic for a month or so, also glucose. Take light, small meals at regular times, and at least a pint of milk daily. Worry and fear can ruin the finest digestion. Try not to go to bed with a "Take cover" warning in your mind. It may not come, and thinking about it prevents complete relaxation and keeps' the subconscious far too active. Restful sleep is a nerve tonic beyond compare. Prepare for it by ridding the mind of possible jolts. If you cannot sleep restfully, try a walk before the black-out. Just before retiring take a hot bath, and when in bed sip a tumblerful of hot milk or malted food. Keep a flask of milk, milk coffee, or tea, and a few biscuits by the bedside. Light nourishment will often court sleep again after a break. Slip the flask into a flannel bag to keep the contents thoroughly hot. Anything that saves wear and tear, worry and irritation, will spare your nerves. .. .