POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXX, Issue 130, 28 November 1940, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

•V PERCY FLAG!

Fred. —The Italians in Albania seem to be on a rout march. * * * Censure for the Home censors—or will they just be censored? * * * Ad. H. —Musso is not the first man to slip and come a cropper thrcx/. treading on Greece. * • . ♦ It has been reported to us that the Home Gardener scheme is spreading like a prairie fire in an oilfield. * • • Then there was the girl (as Phoney relates) who asked the shopkeeper for a tin of brown tan polish wherewith to blacken her shoes. * # ■ • In certain back parts of the Middle West the old proletarian slogan now goes like this:. "You have nothing to lose but your change." * • • MUSSOLINI.. Down Appenines' long western slop* The jackal bounds in fear, The jam-tin fastened to his tail Resounding in his rear. < Time was when wise and valiant raea Built high the fame of Rome: Now, midst the jeers of all the world, The jackal king comes home. * * # CORRECTION. Dear Percy Flage,—Re Roparto Street. I was very pleased to hear today, quite by chance, that Roparto Street has now had a corrected name put up in place of the misspelt one. The pronunciation will now be slightly different from what people have been used to. Before, they put the emphasis upon the middle syllable—now it should be upon the first—viz., "Ro*» (pronounced "raw"). O.M.S. * ♦ » INTIMATION. Several months ago Louis A. Benzoni asked if we could find him- a . copy of the World War marching song, "Good Old New Zealand," of which he was the author. Only now have we been able to meet his requirement: the song was discovered beneath a mole-made mountain of MSS under our crowded desk at home. If Mr. Benzoni" still is anxious to have the copy, will he communicate with us? * • ♦ BLASTIFEROUS! Dear Mr. Flage,—Don't you dare again to make it appear that I use the word "Scotch" when I mean "Scots," or you and I (or me) will part "brass rags," and I'll cut you. off without another line. "Scotch" may and does get past in some quarters, but not amongst true "Scots." sTis more in sorrow than in anger I pen this. —Yours, etc., J.H.D. Personally we never say "Scotch,* unless it has something to do with a well-filled decanter and a glass, of course. * * # PEDIGREE PASTRY. The. Nelson A. and P. Association, has a uniform entry sheet for all sections of the show, columns being provided for sire, tiam, and breeder, but for all that the secretary was n somewhat surprised when one house-- : | ; .; [wife entered her cooking exhibits. a».V^ follows:—Cream puffs (by Cream v' Horn, out of Powder Puff, breeder, .;■ owner); puff pastry (Cornish Pastie— .'^?: Powder Puff, owner); fruit pie (Juicy ; Fruit—Kapai, owner); sausage rolls (Sausage Skin—Rolls Royce, owner); j Meringues (Merino—Dingo, owner); I fruit cake (Juicy Fruit—Cake of Soap, owner). The secretary, however,. ,• rose to the occasion, and in iacknow- >•' ledging the entries wrote: "May I draw : I your attention to discrepancies in your description of exhibits. In my day all these articles were by Light Fingers, out of Mother's Sight, and •were bred by Long Experience."

I MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. So summer's came as I foreseen, . All done up gay, in gold-'n'-green, The which my fav'rit colours areIt was the same for my dear Ma. Early this month an' later on When precious little sun 'ad shone An' rain an' 'igh winds took its plac^ I reckoned 'twas a reel disgrace That in November we should be Torn like a clipper far at sea. But now that things 'as changed I 'ope Storms-'n'-black gales will ant-elope An' take their 'oneymoon away An' stay like that for many a day. You never know you're luck, my dear. In this oncertain city 'ere J.P.* may sudden like go wild An' flood the viled an' undeflled. When Greek meets Greek who win» the pull? They've got the "wopses" by the wool. (If that's slang I'll apollergise With tears jest burstin' from me eyes.) I won't talk war today, unless I 'ear Ad. Itler's in a mess. You know what, if I gotta chance To lead that slitherin' 'ound a dane« (Along with that dumb cluck the Dooce) ! I'd set some Aussie bull-ants loose To pick their skel'tons white-'n*-

black — No need to stretch 'em on the track. Rack, is it, dearie? Never mind, I never 'ope to be defined Like them start-ups who strut-'n'-swank 'Cos they can go inside a bank An' ask them for a doverdraft ... What do you like best—work or graftf *J. Pluvius.

INTIMATION. Boloney: Boloney is the .word for it. P.C.: One stanza — Watch all soldiers from this land, Guide them with your own good hand, And when this world its peace has found Give them back to us safe and sound. Church woman.: Our carelessness. Thanks for your correction. Navilla: Still trying to find put those answers. Keep believing. Abe Lincoln (in spirit): As we never,, never take our politics (such as they are) seriously in this facetious column, our readers would not bother to read them. ?? ("Maledictory"): But we like "inane piffle" for a change—even \* we don't print it. W.G. ("Dinah and Her Garden"): S'* Dinah should do the gardening white Bill goes bowling? Out on you, Bilk J. ("The Jervis Bay"): More than 4 trifle below your best work, whic*touches a high mark. "Rebecca": Quite neatly framed and stated, but So-and-So might not takfc it in the right way. . A.S. ("Wind"): Narrovvlj nisse/t publication. Have another attempt "Biter Bit": One of those awfully clever pars which would send your auntie into ecstasies. Just Me: Thanks for the .letter, which reminds us that we have still to work out that matter for you.