IN NEW HOMES

Evening Post, Volume CXXX, Issue 107, 1 November 1940, Page 4

IN NEW HOMES

BRITISH CHILDREN

ADVICE TO FOSTER-PARENTS

EASING THE CHANGE

"To die," said Peter Pan, "will be an awfully big adventure." To leave father, mother, . sisters, and brothers behind in peril and cross 12,000 miles of.sea to •security for themselves, as our Little Britons have done, is an awfully -big adventure too, says a bulletin issued by the New Education Fellowship, Wellington. ' It is bigger than most of us in our unimaginative way realise —so big, in fact, for children of their ages that strains and stresses of varying degrees of intensity must be set up in many of them. Safe for the time being here in this country of comparative prosperity they have to adjust themselves to a situation in which they have lost one home and gained another. The loss will in many cases prevent the gain from seeming as real and satisfying as it deserves to be. For the homes and environment they have had to leave were those which gave them the love, protection, and security they needed and taught them their standards of manners, behaviour, and speech. So, whenever there are marked differences between the old and the new homes and parents, most of the children will inevitably tend to make comparisons unfavourable to the new. Not always, of course, but more often than not.

A boy sent from London to the country, asked to say what he missed most, drew the picture of father and mother, brothers and sisters roasting chestnuts by the fireside on a Saturdayevening; "and it does not matter how much mess you make as long as you brush it all up afterwards." Feelings of this kind among those of our fosterchildren who come from the less prosperous homes can be expected if too high a standard of tidiness and of respect for the sitting-room furniture is askedof them. It may indeed lead to an active resentment that will cause serious difficulties in management. The foster-parent who is aware of the dangers here will wisely relax her standards and for the time being adopt a cautious, go-slow policy, realising that in comparison with the welfare and happiness of her charge some domestic disorder ■is of little consequence—especially as to permit it (within- limits,- of course) is to make a demonstration of love that will help to compensate for the affection that underlay' being allowed to make a "mess,"' and now temporarily lost. , SMALL CHANGES ARE IMPORTANT. To the child it is the little things, that buik large. Even when he is, anchored safely in his own home, small i changes in routine, diet, and dress may for a. time make the world seem a loveless place. Instead of occasional changes many of our foster-children are being faced with a large number, i enough under the special circumstances | of war and the loss of their parents to make large demands on the powers of adaptation possessed even by the most stable and intelligent of them. To switch from white bread, margarine and tea, fish and chips, something out of a tin, to brown bread, butter, milk, rump steak, greens, and raw fruit may be difficult and painful the more so because the new food is prepared and served to them by a comparative stranger and not by the loved and trusted mother of the old home. "The food which mother gave was good partly because mother gave it." The transition to the new diet will be eased if the foster-parent is again prepared to relax her standards. Fish and chips may be an unhealthy diet for a child, but, if he has been used to it at home, he ought to get it here too, not necessarily when he wants it, but certainly with reasonable frequency. Spiritual and mental well-being is for the moment more important than physical. It is, of course, unlikely that a' child who who has eaten large quantities of fish and chips in the past will suffer much physical ill-effect from having some more now. Too big a break with the past is bad for anyone; with these children we must see that it is reduced to as. small an extent as possible at first, and any changes we wish to make for their welfare introduced slowly and cautiously. TOO MUCH INDULGENCE. The importance of not asking too much in the way of adaptation from the evacuated child, who needs above all to be made to feel secure and wanted, has already been emphasised: it is equally important not to be too indulgent. There are probably some of the children who are demanding things they didn't have before and- behaving in ways not at all usual for them when they were at home in Britain. Such behaviour, if it occurs, should not be looked on as something that will necessarily be permanent i£ it is not dealt with directly. Very frequently, to ignore these symptoms— for that is what they are—symptoms of homesickness, fear, anxiety, etc.— will be sufficient, provided that the foster-parents strive to make their " feel secure and wanted. It is not always easy to ignore; fosterparents saddled with a child who wets j his bed may naturally enough think | he is badly trained and needs immediate and drastic treatment. But one striking result of the evacuation of children from the cities in Britain was the marked increase in the amount of bed-wetting that occurred before they had fully settled down in their new homes and had grown sure of the affection of their foster-parents. When the emotional disturbance subsided, the bed-wetting in many cases decreased or stopped altogether. But while it is not weakly indulging a child to ignore such behaviour in the meantime, in general over-indulg-ence, in which may be included overstimulation caused by too much attention and fuss, is as bad as excessive firmness and all but the abnormal children unconsciously know it. With those who are showing signs of unhappiness through the symptoms described above, the enforced observance of a few fundamental rules will probably prove in the long run the most effective method, particularly if they are enforced with consistency, good temper, and reasonableness, and if the children are in other respects given a good measure of freedom. . ■ SOME SIMPLE RULES. A few such rules might be: (1) A regular hour for going to bed, modified only on very especial occasions; (2) no fuss about, dallying over, or toying with food—no high jinks by either adults or children at meal times. As much as possible of the good food the child likes should be given to him. When he dislikes anything he should not be made or anxiously coaxed to eat it; but he either eats what is there or goes without, and what is uneaten after a reasonable time is taken away; (3) regular performance of one or two simple household tasks cheerfully requested and fairly shared with the other members of the family. This will probably help him to settle down and feel himself one of the family; (4) if he makes a mess in his play, he should clear it away when he has finished playing^.