POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXX, Issue 76, 26 September 1940, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

A bombin' nation. * * * W.R. Hitler! — helter — skelter— shelter! * * ♦ Gordon: The way I work out the compulsory loan, friend Nash owes me quite a few bob. * * ■ ♦ Child Lover: The Bible Quotes: Suffer little children. Hitler quotes: Let little children suffer. ■» * . * L.D.A.: When that blessed day arrives that shall see vast British armies sweeping the invaders oum> of conquered territories, no doubt Mr. Churchill will receive a telegram from the Prince of Denmark worded thus: "For this relief much tanks." * * * • LINGUAL LAPSE. .• The parson on Sunday was preaching a vehement sermon in which he roundly condemned the Nazi methods of indiscriminate bombing. "The bucking of Bombington Palace was dastardly," he said, unconsciously imitating Dr. - Spooner, and why the congregation tittered he did not discover until one of his churchwardens told him afterwards of his lingual lapse. HENRY. *** , . ■ DREAM ABROAD. Dear Flage,—Had a letter from Bill two days out at sea. Said how strange it seemed tossing about in a big ship for the first time. Had a most peculiar dream (Bill's name ends with Lee). Thought he was John Lee on a stormy sea. Then somehow he semed to be <"St.) George Lee:— Who had a flaming sword, But had no flamin' clothes; He had a dragon on its back And held him by his nose. And then he woke up with a Chinese steward saying, "You likee coffee allee same six o'clock reveillee." WILL-GEE. DENTAL CARE, In a letter from England I learn of an exceedingly interesting effort to avoid ruin from Hitler's. hailstones of hats*. A friend has two sets of den-, tures which he uses alternately. He lives under constant air raids, so when he goes to bed he parks one set in the bathroom and one set in a dugout specially provided in the garden! By and by, I expect, he will train the garden set up to rush out and make a gnashing noise at the gate if German is spoken in the lane. J.M.M. * * * ■ INFORMATION DEPARTMENT. Dear Flage,—l would be deeply grate* ful if you could find space for your decision on the following matter in that much cherished column of yours. My friend says that Eire is" a neutral State, and that citizens of Eire now in New Zealand will not be conscripted for tha fighting services. Is she right? "■ ' B. { Your friend is wrong. Those living in New Zealand who were born in the Irish Free State (which is neutral) are legally national-born British subjects. Those of the age from 19 to 45 inclusive will be members of the First Division of the General Reserve, and as such will be included. We are obliged to the National Service Department for this information. '. * '" ' * * MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE.. I'm glad that summer's came, ain't i you? It's clear as clear the birds are, too. T've 'card 'em titterin' at' 7. Liftin.' their little throats to 'eaven, •An' if they're mothers yet to be. Findin' a nest-place upper tree, ■Where they can set down on their eggs. Without a tirin' uv their legs. The flase* put on their summer dress, The slugs into the lettuce press, The tuis—but you know all that— The 'edga'og an' the tommy cat 'Aye' lots a fun beneath the stars ' (The hsarwigs don't), .an' lovers' cars Get 'ome late, an' from dust to dawn Somewhere another child is born, ■ Though not so fsst in France, for which She ended 'eadfirst in the ditch. That larst verse 'aven't much to do With summer, but 'tween me-'n'-you, The poicks gotta licence dear, Though not for sellin' gin-'n'-beer,' What ain't exactly in their line, Though many of them gouge in wine,. But they 'aye got to buy it first. (Or cadge it) for to wet their thirst. But let us talk uv 'igher things, Not lower, .such as angels' wings, The largest tree, the tallest man, The straitasphere, where no one can Fly into an' come down alright, Them 'Urrycanes who take the fight Straight from the ennermy; an' love As gentle as a turkaldove, An' truth-'n'-beauty underfiled .... Who made the poick Oscar wild? ♦Flowers? sr * * # 'FLU. 'Orace, that ever-bright soul, passed this story along. Our old friend Henare Hapuka spat more viciously than usual as we bumped into him at the Rutland corner. "Tenakoe, Poss, what you tink? I jus* go into ket te long peer an' te parry pub he shut. By korri, I feel 1 like I trink te parraful, too. When he open again, you know? T'is fruenza no tarn goot. You know where I peen, ah? Up te river, nurse te sick Maori. He no look after hisself at all; Me jan' Pita Ruarua we go up Saturday, Koroniti, Ranana, all over. We haf te hard time. We take up prenty te kai, only we forget to take-up te— what you call him? —you know te feller, rike what you take te temmerata when te sick man werry hot —oh yes, te paromita. We go up one whare on te hill, by Tehofe, he te werry pad Maori in there. We tink he nearly pukaru. Pita say he take his temmeramint, only we not have " te paromita. T'en py korry he see te one hang en te wall, you know, rike what you tell te werra with when it goin' to rain. It had te whisky 'vertisem.ent on. Te Maori say he pinch it from te pub at Turakina. He te werry pig paromita too. We take all our time to get it down his t'roat. I hold te Maori and Pita' take his temmeramint. Pye and pye we take- it ' out. Te paromita he say "werry dry," •so we give him te whisky, half te ■ bottle. Py kripes, tat Maori he get : better five minutes. He get up and 1 run rike te taipo ofer te hill. We : toan know where he gone, but we tink he arright. T'en we go ofer to see 1 Rangi Ramihana. T'ey say he te werry sick. You know Rangi? Py kosh he te pig Maori, twenny stone. He werry pad w'en we get there, free Maori try to hold him down. We shove te paromita in his mouth, an' he yell rike prazes. He kick out an' kick two Maori in te pukenui. T'en he jump i up an' smash te paromita ofer Pita's .' head. Fy korri, I get out before he • start on me I toan know but I tink • te paromita he say "Werry stormy" at te time.