POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXX, Issue 26, 30 July 1940, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle . and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGB

Military pacts these days mean, sooner or later, military impacts. « * * If ever Hitler should come by starvation his best plan would be to eat his words. * * f ■ Kurt von Stutjerheim (in "The Two JGermanys"): "The English nation is never stronger than when Fate is tearing at its nerves." » * * Our ineffable Melisande wants to know if (1) when, (2) how, and (3) why quartz is a number of pints. Will someone oblige? •:t * * ECONOMIC TYRANNY. i Wolsey was the great Minister of a | great King who was described by the first Chinese Consul to New Zealand as one of the two greatest tyrants known to history. When war broke out with France he attempted to exact one-tenth of all incomes, and the result was revolt, and a not too favourable peace. Our Government is exacting more than one-tenth —and not all for war purposes. There will be no revolts here, but their severest condemnation will be for the extent of their peace ex-actions in time of war. TAKAKA. * * •» ; FUN" IN THE NEWS. "A process has been invented which, it is claimed, 'ages' distilled liquor overnight."—"Scientific American." — And what will it do to the consumer? "A novel feature of the High School Pageant this past summer was the beautiful outdoor petting, for which, the big trees of Dalton's grove were selected."—Cartarez (Calif.) "Times." —Sounds simply ideal. "Joe Louis is described by one enthusiastic sports writer as 'the magician of the squared circle.' "—"Sports Digest."—And the most remarkable fact is that he does his sleight-of-hand stunts wearing six-ounce gloves. WELLS. «• # ♦ DR. JOHNSON—PR6PHET. J.W.J. sent us this note —with the , following comment: "Dr. Johnson was a forward-looker. There was the prediction of his you: quoted. Here's another: — Dr. Johnson, looking from his dim Bolt Court window, saw the slovenly lamp-lighter of those days ascend a ladder (just as Hogarth has drawn him in the "Rake's Progress") and fill the little receptacle in the globular lamp with detestable whale-oil. Just as he got down the ladder tha dull light wavered out. Skipping up the ladder again, the man lifted tha cover, thrust the torch he carried into the heated vapour rising from th« wick, and instantly the ready flame sprang restarted to life. "Ah," said Dr. Johnson, "one of these days the streets of London will be lighted by smoke." "PUNCH" BOWL—I9I4-18. "The enemy made attacks, but each effort was repulsed with great laugh-ter."—-"Star." . , ■ . ; ■ ( ...... A Cynic sends us a tip for the recruiting of our army. "Why go for the single man?" he asks. "We mayexpect just as much courage from the married man; he has already proved his pluck." She: Oh, was that a bomb? He: Yes, I think it was. But if it was as- near as it sounded it would have been very much louder. "My boy's been out there twelve months without a scratch." "Good Heavens! What insect powder does he use?" Medical Officer (London practitioner in private life): Would you come to me with such a trivial complaint in civil life? , Private: No, sir. I should send for you. ■ Young Officer (back home from the trenches on leave): IThis is horriblehaving to take all your clothes off and get between cold sheets! (Via "J.M.") **. » ' ENEMY WITHIN THE CAMP. (SOS from First Echelon Lads, Egypt.)" Please will someone send some * That these flies will have to quit Making free. Their tantrums long Make the lads give vent to song; Make them stamp and curse and swear, Throw their arms full length in air, Clench their fists, then strive again, Pad on knee, a note to pen! YeS) it's « "•/That is the word, Though it surely sounds absurd When our hearts cry out for cake, Rich with fruit, like mothers make; And some " "t for this grime We adhere to in this clime Would be useful, too, I think (Blast that fly! It made me blinktt And "Colonial Duck" would be Quite a treat. (I'll say) to me. (There' You cursed fly—get out!) Ski said! but lamb I'll And boys, oh, boys, what of green peas? Thanks, and mint sauce, if you-please. Cheerio now, everyone. HaS these flies. They take the bun. * and t—Free ads. "Where your thoughts are, there> wU ,r^,,y hpart be also." Looks as if tne Ses £e game, anyhow, but doubtless odds are against them, for it is well Sown a mfn's heart is in his stomach. It is pleasing to hear that the lads itt iLypt are quite normal in this respect SyP WHO WINS. Northland. , ** * s DEAR OLD LADY RELATES AN ANECDOTE. The good old lady speaks:—My dear, stay, and while knitting, I'll tell you about the burglar. Frightened?-yes, and nearly killed! If the police hadn t come _! it was that lovely old chair, that grandfather gave grandmother on their wedding day. Ah many a tame has Granny said to me, "Nellie, she d sav "I'd rather lose anything than that chair." Come nearer the fire. There's no heat in this coal—can you get good coal? But about the burglar. Im still a bit shaky; but that ginger wine is wonderful for the nerves. Remind me to give you the recipe. Don t put in too much sugar. But the burglar. It's a queer thing, all the years we ve lived here, that was the first night I left the latchkey outside. Every night about half-past ten, or it may be a quarter to eleven, we finish .supper, and I put out old Tommy the cat, and take in the key. Well, that night I didn't. It must have been because Mary's two boys were here. They re both in the Air Force. Their Uncle George was here too. He was through, the Great War, so you can imagine the talk. Thought I, ah, poor lads, they shall have a hot supper—who knows what may happen? My dear, you're not going! I'm just coming to the burglar. So when they went, what with everything, I forgot the key. Of the two boys, Harry is keen to go, but Leslie, not. You can't fool me, it's a girl, that Ethel, a nice girl, too. I was afraid it was the sister, but Fm glad it's Ethel. Oh, don't go: I hava ! not told you about the burglar.