POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXIX, Issue 64, 15 March 1940, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and. Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Janet: Is "civiliesation" an alternative term? * * ♦ Bigamy, comments Ray, is a case of two rites making a wrong. ■» ■_".*■ • Camou: It's a safe bet that Ribbentrop found it much easier to sell champagne'than peace propaganda. Of the lady with the too magnetic personally, Slim Jim writes: "She needs de-gaussing." * * • In reply to J.H.: You won the dollar. "Charley's Aunt" was written by Brandon Thomas—not A. W. Pinero. *. * » Begorra: Then there was the Irishman '; who saw the church with the green doors and jumped to the conclusion that it must be St. Patrick's Church. . * ■ ' ■*.-.'' ,■■' ■# crib. :■: Dear Sir, —Referring to Postscripts in your column of the "Evening Post" of recent dates: While playing crib the other evening I had the following hand:—Five hearts, five spades, ten diamonds, Jack clubs,, five clubs tikried up. I counted the score of this hand as 19 and should be pleased to be advised if this is incorrect. ' CRIB BEGINNEF The score is 21. ■ •. »..•■ .- INTIMATION. A.S.: The "L" of a difference quip appeared in this feature a week or two ago. (Gran) Pop: Looks jolly interesting and stimulating to us. The boys will like 'it. Heading for print. Long Tom: When sitting in the stand at Trentham watching th\e races you are facing practically dead east Column B'fan wants to know where he can procure the poem tMan Kno\v Thyself." (We have not heard; of it.) ■■ ;-.(■■ ■;. ■:■■■' ■■:■■:■'- ■■•'.:■■' .• : "Sunisa" ("A Few' Fallacies"): You are a trier, anyhow. Hope you will make the grade one of these fine days. Joker (Hastings): Letter neceived, but verse missing. Whaffor? Malaprop: That highly-publicised gentleman has no entree to this feature. #. ■» * SCIENCE NOTE. Dear Flage,— - The mystery hitherto surrounding the life processes of the Snivelling Snufflebuster appears now to stand revealed. An eminent authority states that they have cocoons, and that they have the ability to crawl back into them. This backward crawl is,' of course, a complete reversal of the caterpillar method, and may necessitate the inclusion of the species in the bulldozer genera. From this it would seem a quite reasonable inference that the Snarling Humpbacked Critic may indeed prove to be the reincarnation of the Snivelling Snufflebuster itself. Perhaps some of your learned correspondents may be able to verify this. Yours in the cause of science ; ; PET ONI * • *■.■■•■■■. • GERMAN AIRMEN'S SLANG. More examples of German airmen's slang; the first, bunch appeared in our war notes feature recently. '•■ Some of this slang is so cynical that it may cause the authorities a little anxiety. The term "flying brick" is used to describe a Messerschnutt. Other terms used to describe aircraft are "canoe" (Kahn), "trunk" (Kiste), or Molle, which is the name given to a large-size glass in the Berlin restaurants. An altanetal aircraft is a "brass donkey" (Blechesel), and a worn-out plane is called "Klamotte," i.e., "junk." An observer is "Franz," or a "staffrgoggles" (Gemesalstabrille). A young airman is a "hare," an ace pilot is a "cannon" (Kanone). An old pilot is called Friedensemil (literally "peaceful Emil"), and a crew is dubbed a Fliegereke, meaning more or less a flying family. Bombs are "eggs" or "cigars" (Eier 6r Ziarren). To open, fire with a machine-gun is "to bleat" (annerhern). A flight over the enemy lines is a Froutbummel (Bummel means a joy-ride or a "spree," and to be shot down in flames is "dismount hot" (abmontieren warm). a # ♦ MACBETH'S SOLILOQUY. (Shakespeare must have known something!) Tomorrow, and tomorrow and tomorrow ' • Creeps in this petty pace from day to day To the last syllable of recorded time. And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty Death. Out, out brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player That struts and frets his hour upon the stage And then is heard no more. It is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and furySignifying nothing. If Shakespeare had lived today he would have varied it slightly—as thus: THE TAXPAYER'S SOLILOQUY. To borrow, and to borrow and to borrow With ne'er, it seems, a promise t* repay ■ To the last penny and the hard-won dime ■ •■ And all our holidays are sacrificed*. To pay for Public Works. Out, out with taxes Plans of a walking shadow, a politician Who struts* and frets his hour upon the stage And then is heard no more. His is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury : Signifying nothing. , I think he managed to cram quite a lot of sense into those last three lines. JAYBEE. Northland. * ..*■■■• "LOST" COLUMN. Flage,—Apropos 'Column 8, "Post," 11/3/40, the "Lost" Column is always interesting to me. Tonight I see that a 10s note and a £1 note have been lost. . Small amounts to seek, maybe, and yet to the losers perhaps as much as the fat wallets lost on Trentham racecourse. A family can get an hour's amusement and entertainment out of studying the advertising columns of "The Post." There is pathos, too! A "gentleman with college education. Home and colonial experience, etc., willing to accept any work, etc." "Lady wants washing," "House to let with hot and cold folding doors, etc." Then there was a neat example of'th* complex ad. which told of an unfurnished flat beautifully furnished, and an ambiguous reference to a brick garage. This latter sounds like the old lady with carved legs about to cross the Channel in a piano case. You know that one? .Cheerio! E.C.R Kilbirnie. i