POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVIII, Issue 132, 1 December 1939, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY aAGB

Stockholm newspaper: "We shall soon know whether we Swedes ara Germans or Russians." H.W.8.: Hitler and Company seem to be infatuated with totals. They're setting .out to make this a total war. Let's supply them with a total defeat —they should be delighted. #.' # . * Cleanliness: It seems as though the governing powers have put out of action another home industry, viz., laundries. As much dirty linen gets washed oh Sunday nights, there seems ■ to be small need for a bag-wash. . ' * -» » A Scotsman who had lost his way ia the Alps was found by one of the St. Bernard dogs. He helped himself to the flask; of brandy, patted the dog, and, settling himself comfortably, said: f "bNoo, gang and bring me' the whole' pack!" WE ARE REVEALED! Mr. Flage,—l was lighting the fire , with you last night and I saw a word 'A "quarry" that I missed. All right, I was the quarry, but I didn't know. Long ago you might have heard a cry: "Gone to earth." So what is the use of beating the bushes.' Here is; my last poem for> you: I do not like old Father Flage; His ears are long, his nose is large, His heart is false, his eyes are odd—. He thinks he knows as much as God. RUTH. ■if * • *". MISPRINTS. Dear Flage,—What about starting a competition for curious or humorous misprints? Here is a sample:— Plas Newydd is today a very interesting, curious, and beautiful abode in ■ Llangollen, North Wales. Once the home of two famous maiden ladies of the early nineteenth century; it is now , a kind of private museum. In its catalogue occurs this entry: Acorn-pattern Gilt Spurs worn at the Ascension. •' ■ At the end of the catalogue on« reads: Errata Pg. 38—For Ascensioa read Accession. R.J.P. * * « HEARD THIS ONE?. A German citizen, feeling somewhat depressed, decided to commit suicide. He trieki to hang himself, but the rope was "ersatz" (German.word for "substitute"), and it broke. He then tried to poison himself, but the poison, too, - was ersatz, and had n6 effect. In desperation, he attempted to shoot himself, but his cartridges were ersatz, and would not fire. ' Thinking that, perhaps, he was destined to live, and, deciding to try life again, he went into a hotel to overcome his misery by having a really good feed, but, unfortunatly, the food was ersatz, and he died. \ ' • _ . - - . . . • MRS. EINSTEIN'S THEORY. Sir Arthur Eddington, the scientist, told this story when he opened a new - observatory at Glasgow: . When Mrs. Einstein visited the Mount Wilson Observatory in California, she was shown the gigantic 100-inch telescope with all its elaborate equipment and devices. ■ After duly admiring and marvelling at it, she asked: "What is it used for?" They told her that one of the main purposes was to find out the shape of the universe. \ "Oh," said Mrs. Einstein, "my husband does that on the back of an old envelope." ' ■ ■ ~- # * * BRAIN-TEASERS. , ' A slight f alling-off in solutions this week. Which is not surprising, considering local and oversea distractions many and varied. The game, however, goes on,' war or no war, Governmental dark threats, or no dark threats^ directed at Inky Way hikers. (We hope we are not on the black list!) However— ■ „•'-."" Here are the answers for this week:— No. 1: Six daughters and thirty-six pearls. No. 2: A, elk, moles, caribou, alligator, marabou, otter, dog, r. Substitutes such as echidna, bulls, gorilla, and cow are, of course, admitted. Overtoun, M.M., Wcdestown, and Carry On (a newcomer) clued out the both problems. Sparks (Featherston), Ross, A.M A., Too Easy, and Jane managed No. 1, and Alice, R.G. (Plimmerton), Leslie L., Nice Idea, W., and Mother's Boy No. 2. There will be another diamond (18 carat) 'tomorrow as well as the usual arithmetical problem. So long for the moment. * * * THE BAGPIPES. A friend in Scotland sent this' verse to Junette, who passed it on to Col. 8 (one stanza omitted). Frae the distant purple hillside sadly. sweet the pipes' lament Came a-floatin' on the simmer evenin' air,* .--.'. i An' the cryin' o' the curlews wi' the hauntin' strains was blent , v An' peace wi' folded wings seemed restip' there; ' ■ ' . An' all my world was happy, an' my he'rt wi' joy was fu' As the sinkin' sun gowd-tipped the taw'rin' ben . That echoed back the music that for ever I will lo'e, O' the bagpipes in my native Highland glen. j . ■ Where the brainchless trees in Flanders cried in anguish to the , sky ■ • And a' the earth was racked an' torn in pain, The remnants o' a gallant band in sheepkskins" staggered by An' there I heard the magic sounds again: An' the bowed-doon heids were lifted , as the pipes began to play, A glow came o'er the cheeks o* wearied men, An' my een welled up wi' teardrops, an' I saw sac far away The wee hoose in my native Highland glen. —MATT. FREELAND. ■■ ■■ * „ . #■ * "-.' ■ BUDGETING. This is not new; nevertheless, it ii worth repeating. Sender: Somebody. Herb, earns £6 a week—a weekly budget made out by himself to assist his wife: ■ i £ s. d. Beer and whisky 12 6 Mid-week beer 0 18 0 Wife's beer 0 5 0 Rent (leave till next week) Tobacco i. 0 2 6 Wife's cigarettes i- 00 6 Groceries (try for credit) .. -, Hot tip on horse ........ i 0 0 Dog certainties ..... .... 1 0 0 Wife's pocket-money 0 2 0 Vegetables and fruit—food delicacies for wife ........ 0 12 0 Dog food \\A 0 17 6 £6 0 0 If there is any dittiL-uiy in finding these amounts \ cut out ,wife!s heer.