POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVIII, Issue 105, 31 October 1939, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY fLAGB

War is hell, but neutrality is no lotus land either. «*• ■ * Why is Hitler like one of our top-of-column southerlies? Both are blowhards. * * * It is the chap with the swelleC head (Stalin, for example) who gives the other fellows' a headache. « ♦ ♦ Some people, writes Albert Debourget, are so infernally busy thinking of getting ahead that they actually get in their own way. There's a local politician, for example. ■■■•'. * *.' ; A.H.B.—A provincial newspaper editor received a letter from a correspondent asking for the meaning of the word "Mahjong." The editor's reply was perfectly clear. He s'aid that the word "Mahjong" is derived from the Chinese word "Mahjong," meaning "Mahjong." « a * NO PROFIT IN WAR. Voltaire wrote: The victorious nation never profits from the spoils of the conquered; it pays for everything; it suffers as much when its armies arcs successful as when they are beaten; and peace is almost as necessary after the greatest victory as when the enemy has captured its frontier \towns. • •' • . SUBMARINES. Dear Flage,—Your interesting notes on submarines recalled to my mind a talk by Sir Hubert Wilkins, the great explorer, at a dinner given in his honour during his visit to New Zealand a few years ago. He outlined his plan to reach the North Pole by submarine, travelling under the ice. In a description of the submarine and its development he astonished everyone by stating that it dated . not from the seventeenth century A.D., but from many centuries before Christ. Although no records exist, he said, proving it to have been put into prac-1 tical use until its supposed invention in 1610, plans in detail for.the construction of a vessel capable of submerging and travelling under water were given in a book of the Old Testament. Sir Hubert mentioned the name of the book and the chapter for the benefit of those interested—or sceptical—but, unfortunately, I have forgotten them and have searched long and often Sine* your notes on submarines without . Kindest ««^. GEMDq: • » » » intimation: A Soldier, and Proud of It ("The Joke of the-Week").—We agree with you entirely, but it would be as- much as our job was worth to put it into print. We salute you, and the rest of J.M.—See above. All the best to the gang. . .. . . Mother o' Mine.— Obviously art advertisement, though you may nothave intended it as such. ■■■•/„_ . E ("Over the Odds").—A most appropriate title—so far as we' site, concerned. • , T . Just Me.—Thanks for your note. It is good to know,,that such things are possible. Have fnailed that verse to y°P.F.-T-Jolly outings,. what! At the present concentrating on other people s books, with the aid of a busy publisher, . _...',. i Peace Front.—Generaloberst WUhelm Keitel is "Chief of the Supreme Command of the Defence Forces." Walter yon Brauchitsch, also GeneraloDerst, is rated "Supreme Commander of the Army." A note about them presently. Logos Bay.—Promising debut Keep your adjectives down to the mttuPerce Immon.—Rather fruitless as to ideas. Manuscript has gone back. School Girl.—The word "prestige is derived from the Latin "praestigium, a bandage for blindfolding; thus, anything that blinds or dazzles. AGF.-Thanks for the correction* We do things like that occasionally. * ♦ • GENTLE ZEPHYRS. It was an Old Man Southerly. That lashed the Tasman Sea, . And the U-boat skipper had a torpedo To bear him companyHe sighted a ship on the crest of » wave — ' ' Yes, very much on the crest. Quoth he: "I will send a torpedo up And^the-Fuhrer-takeall the restt* There was spray, in his throat, and hi# nose, and his eyes— He could hardly see where to go, Quoth he: "This Enzed coast has gon« On "The* Reef of Norman's Woe?". , But he fired his torpedo, And what do you think •. - (You know what a southerly is) 7 ■ It was blown right back to th« submarine, ■ Which it struck with a thud and • whiz! And so they submerged, and they stayed down there, All in the cold and wet,— ■ • And Winston C will be glad to hear. They are probably down there yet. A. • • • REAL. LIFE STORY. Dear Flage,—What about awarding a prize.for the best story from;real life? Here's' mine: T Mmrtmr Last Friday morning the chimneysweep arrived at our home Like an obedient husband, -I had rolled up the carpet the previous night and spread copious copies of the. "Evening- Post over the floor in front of the ■ fireplace. And the sweep arrived—prompt, athletic, vigilant little chap-at five to seven! I had given my wife a cup of tea and was just having minejbut. no. he had no time to join me—he had other chimneys to sweep as well as ours! And didn't he go to it! As I stood over him I ventured the -remark that he might bring down _ a bird as they were nesting m the chimney pot. Sure enough, he brought one down— chirp,.chirping as xt came nearer; then the flutter behind his cloth in the grate. "I've got it!'! .he exclaimed—"it's a canary!" Then— "Give me a paper!" And he thrust the bird from his left hand into the paper in his right—which I took and held at his bidding; "get a box—put a lid on it.!"—and off I went outside to put it in a box. While J was there, my wife came out with a message— and her face looked dismay! "Look, dew. there's a cat Ihere too, and it'» Cot kittens! We can hear them mewing!" Our-little friend carte out, expressing the hope that meantime I hadn't let the canary go. We selected a suitable box, placed bird and paper in it, drew the paper out through an opening in the lid—yet we could still hear i.t chirping. But no canary. "It's about your clothes!" said he—"shake your legs!" I did—but still no canary! Flage. we dropped' to it then; our chimney-sweep man was also a magician and a ventriloquist! I'm enclosing his name—if you doubt me. arrange to have him sweep your chimney and see what he qan get from yours!