CHARACTER STUDY.

Evening Post, Volume CXXVIII, Issue 103, 28 October 1939, Page 19

CHARACTER STUDY.

She (to husband after employing a gardener): Why did you want me lo hire the short man? The tall man had such a kind face. Husband: My dear, when you pick a man to work in your garden, judge him by his overalls. If they're patched on his knees, you want him; if they're patched on the seat, you don't. "PLEASE GO 'WAY AND LET ME SLEEP." "What is the hardest part of your work as a lecturer?" asked the man designated as toastrriaster. "As a rule," replied the other, "the hardest part of my work is waking up the audience after the man who introduces me has concluded his remarks." FULL OF PEP. "What do you sell?" "Salt." "I'm a salt seller, too." "Shake." NOT A COURT OF JUSTICE. A long-haired youth entered a music publisher's office carrying under his arm a small roll of paper. "Good afternoon!" said the publisher, "what can I do for you?" "Well—er—l have a song here," he began, "and I was wondering if you would publish it. Er—shall I sing it?" "Oh, yes, let's hear it!" said the publisher; and the youth burst forth. "Well," asked the young man, "what do I get for it?" "Oh," replied the other, with an air of resignation. "I'm a publisher, not a magistrate." HM-M. "That suit you're wearing is certainly a credit to your tailor." "Debit, old man, debit."

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER. It was 3 o'clock in the morning and the guard was rather suspicious of the man in evening clothes who walked slowly along the street, crossing and I recrossing the road. "Out rather late, aren't you?" askfd the guard. "Perhaps it is a little late," agreed the man, "but it's about the only chance a pedestrian has these days." SPECIALISED. Jones: He got rich in six months by writing poetry! .. Miss Brown: Indeed! • . Jones: Yes; he wrote love sonnets to a rich widow! HORN BLOWING. ■'' Traveller: "In Guatemala, the, driver who blows his. horn the loudest has .th- right-of-way. Historian: In parts of Europe this is, called diplomacy. Smith: Where did James get all his money? . Brown: Oh, he's ia the hold-up business. Smith: What? Brown: Yes, he manufactures braces. "This is the third time my bicycle has been stolen whilst I was having my hair cut." "Wouldn't it be cheaper to grow a, beard?" ! PROGRESS. "How is your son making out with his violin lessons?" "Fine! We can tell when he's tuning it now." VALUE FOR MONEY. After buying a sixpenny novel from the bookstall assistant, the man from Aberdeen said: "I'll put the book m my pocket, but you might wrap the uniform in a piece of paper." "Uniform, sir? What uniform?" asked the yourig man. The buyer, opened the book and held it out. .„''.,. "It says here, 'Uniform with this volume."' A GOOD CLAIM. "I insured my voice," stated the famous singer, "for £50,000." "And what," asked his rival, "have you done with the money?" SHE WAS INTERESTED. Husband (arriving home last): Can't you guess where I've been, dear? j Wife: I can—but go on with your story. WELL WORN. Customer: How much is that secondhand suit in the window? Shopkeeper: What do you • mean? That's a new suit. ■'..,- Customer: Well, that fellow m the window has worn it for the last three months. HAD SOME PRIDE. i Pat turned up in the office one morning with a large tear in the sleeve of his coat. "Look here, Pat," said his boss, "why don't you get that hole mended?" "Faith!" replied Pat, ."not Oi. A hole j may be the result, iv an accident, but, sure, a patch is a sartin sign of poverty." Q.E.D. "Where are some good places to stop on this trip?" asked the prospective automobile tourist. "At all railroad crossings," replied the clerk in the tourist bureau. VERY. Lady Customer: Are you positive that this is the finest, freshest hamburger you could possibly sell me? Butcher: Yes, ma'am, I went to special pains to pick out the finest j piece of beef in the store to grind up j for you. Lady Customer: Well, I'm certainly glad. Our cat is- awfully particular. SUNSHINE AND SHADOW. The minister illustrated a point on his sermon by saying: "We plant roses in the sunshine, but if we want fuchsias to grow we must keep them in a shady place." Following the service he was approached by one of the women of his congregation; her face was beaming. "Oh, I can't tell you how much I appreciated that sermon!" she said, snaking his hand. At last it seemed his efforts were appreciated. "Yes," she went on, "I never did know before what, was the matter with my fuchsias." PATIENT. A clerk in a large office ventured to approach the manager with a plea for promotion, "I've been in my present position since the time you became manager, sir," the clerk began. "I know it—l know it," responded the great one, waving him away. "I have a reputation for being a patient and considerate man."