POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVIII, Issue 73, 23 September 1939, Page 12

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

The Nazis will have to wear more* than waders if they attempt to go

Dutch. ' # # .♦ How do we know that Hitler ha? gone Bolshevik? Well, isn't he paint ing Europe, red? » * ♦ r - » ■ '• Fun in the news:—,„ Our old-time Maoris = had wonderful teeth, evenly spaced arid entirely free from mental decay. ~.!'-■ •■.■ • • ' Centuries ago the swastika was said to bring the wearer good luck. Now you know' why the Poles were sc d ..... d unlucky. **. ♦ / WAR NEWS. Dame Humour, /. Lacking humour, Specialises in the "bloomer." ''- • • v •'•.■■■"■.;• PAP. . ' '■' ' ; "■ ' ' Yesterday morning, so a lady in» formed us over the 'phone, the Berlin radio station, which has a pathetic sense of humour, put over this one: "Britain rules the waves and waive* the rules"! Which is about as funnily crushing as a tipsy white butterfly with the hiccups.. * * • - • \ HE KNEW MORE THAN HITLER. A thoughtful boy said: "Mother, I've been thinking that to tell a lie is worse than to steal." "Why, my boy?" "Well, mother, if I were to steal something I might be sorry and go and put it back. But a. lie, mother, is for ever." So I Have written a verse for propaganda in Germany— Herr Hitler may break and mend a bridge Across .a river, But when he breaks his solemn word He breaks himself for ever- \_ C.W. • » ♦ PSHAW! Says the "New York ' Times* August 28:— Bernard Shaw took a hand in the crisis today, saying in a letter to "Th« Times" that the Russian-German,agre6», mentis "joyful news." "A week ago Dean Inge, writing in the 'Evening Standard,' guessed that Hitler had gone to Canossa," the dramatist wrote. "A few days later the joyful news came .that the Dean , \vas right and that Hitler is under the powerful thumb of Stalin, whose interest in peace is overwhelming. "And everyone except myself is frightened out of his or her wits. "Why? Am I mad? If not, why? Why? Why?" "The Times" printed the letter on .the editorial page with the heading, "Can anyone explain?" • . *i • ■ • BRAIN-TEASERS. This No. 1 comes via Yorky, Palme** ston North. A man possessed a scale that wai not true. When he put 4 apples in one pan they balanced 9 plums in the other; changing the fruit to the opposite pans 2 aoples balanced 2 plums. How many plums would it' take to balance 4 apples on a true scale. A fruity one, this. Oriental Bay- sends us this word square: Nice for. breakfast or supper, is heaven's first law (according to a poet), lovers do this, housemaids do this, birds adore them. These clues may, appear difficult to some, but, a little concentrated thought is all that is necessary to uncover them. Anyhow, they are not so hard to. interpret as much of the war news, or the divagations of the world's No. 1 nuisance—with whom be headache* everlasting. From Jay G.: Solution of last week'i No. 2. SCHOOL'S IN. Do you know that — (1) The barren Sahara supports about two. and a half million persons? , (2) Dorothy Barker, 20-year-old wife of an English road worker, eats'enough food to satisfy ten people, yet she is steadily losing weight? (3) Three years of determined effort by perfume manufacturers produced , only 600 ounces of the rare Benmtda passion flower perfume? (4) Colds were unknown among savage races until the white man brought them along with the other "benefits" of civilisation? . (5) A Londoner named Nybaer recently drank a pint of beer against al> comers in three seconds, which he claims is a world record? (6) Rats are 'one of man's worst animal pests, yet he helped them to populate nearly the entire, world by carrying them in his ships?i (7) Ancient peoples had curious remedies for toothache, including' sparrow droppings warmed in oil, spiders mixed with egg-shells or the eyes of a vulture burnt to powder? (8) Snake venom is not only a means of producing casualties—it is the most remarkable anti-hemorrhage substance in the world? (9) A fireman from the village ol ■Hodecourt. in Northern France, ■ has confessed that he started a fire in a barn so that he could try out anew ladder and fire-fighting apparatus? (10V Stars are made up of matter varying in density from 0000014, that of air, to 4500. that of lead? ■ » • • THE GOLDEN BIRD. If Joy, The Golden Bird, would fly Do not close an hand upon her?. She belongeth to the sky,, With all the winds of heaven oft her, Only when her wings are free Bird of Lovely Life is she. He who Joy of life would store Heart of his be widely open; Throw the key out, with the door,-"" Throw * the hope out, with th* hopen; Give her, as she finds in sky, Place to dip, and soar,, and fly. She will come again, I wist: j She of thee shall not be frighted; She shall sing upon thy fist; - By her shall thy dark be lighted: By her freedom thou art given Right and room in Joyous heaven. JAMES STEPHENS. ?■.■•'■ ♦ ' ■ * PUNCH BOWL. Another budget of World War quirk* of "Punch" —from J.M. Those persons who complain that the Allies are too frequently on the defensive forget that it is very difficult to be as offensive as the Germans. "Carry on" is no doubt an admirable motto for these times, but the special constable who was surprised by his wife while- carrying on with a cook (which he thought to be part of his professional duty) complains that it is misleading. Q.w I hear the sugar' refiners are raisiri'g cane? A.: That's because they haven't* yet got the Germans beet. (Awarded Gold Medal and Banana Skin for worst joke of the war.)