POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVIII, Issue 72, 22 September 1939, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

Britain has hundreds of Spitfires, but Germany has only one—Goebbels. . * * .*.■',' Bindy.—Hitler has realised ' that Poland is a biffer and not a buffer State. # # ♦ It strikes us that if Germany had a "new weapon" (lethal, of course). Hitler would not have spilt the beans. *: * * Perfidious Albion is working a natty imports control scheme for Germany* but even that does not satisfy th« Fuhrer. ■ . - *♦• . ■ • THIS ENGLISH. Dear Percy Flage,—ln re L.D.A. and accent controversy—the following lunch-hour interlude in the "factory area" may interest:— "Ah've browt some tea," our Pommie - said. "Seef tha can find thi cup." "Ow, yeeze, it's thayer," says Miss N. Zaid. "Battits henging tew hoy epp!" Kind regards,— "BOMB* P.S.: Still 'ere! • • • . BRAIN-TEASERS. Official solutions of last Saturday's problems:— I.- Distance 6 miles, speei 8 m.p.h. 2. Word square: Zebra, enrol, breve, rover, alert. , Sparks (Featherston), Mollie Malona, Boomp-a-Daisy, C.T. (Otaki), and J.J. clued out No. 2. / • ; We shall be on, the air again tomorrow for your entertainment and edifica* tion. And here's wishing the egregious Adolf a spot of indigestion, mental and bodily, over the weekend. Heel Hitler! (And isn't he?) ." * " * ■ ♦ BOMB THEM OFF! This is taken from an address of the head of a biological department, in Berlin:— [ It is the crowded quarters which will suffer* the most from bombing. Those quarters, however, are inhabited by those who have not succeeded in life—the refuse of the community, in'fact, which would be rid of them. Besides, the explosions of the bombs will inevitably cause many cases of madness. The person whose nervous system is deficient.'will- not be able to survive the shock. In this way, bombing will help us to discover the neurasthenics in our community and to remove them from social life. ■-.'.'*■■ ■*.■■. • - ■■•■■'■ CAT-ASTROPHE. Dear Flage,—Some of your ..birdfriend readers may be interested .to read of a genuine cat-astrophe. Michael, the hero of the escapade, is a hunter of feathered game, and had discovered that his mistress spreads crumbs upon the roof of the garage for her feathered friends. Now, at the back- of the garage is a large barrel, and this forms an excellent base from which to conduct his hunting operations. Michael was not to know that last Sunday, was a closed season for birds, as his mistress was in the garden manuring her roses. She was busily engaged when she' heard a loud "plop!" followed by feline symptoms of distress. The top was off the barrel which contained liquid manure! For the rest of that day at least, Michael did not live in the odour of sanctity. F. • • ■ • INFORMATION DEPARTMENT, Dear Percy Flage,—Could you pleas* answer the following question for us? If, in the game of 500 "A" goes notrumps and leads a spade can "B" take the trick with the joker while still having a spade in his hand? Thanking you in anticipation. A. CARDSHARPER. No. "B" must follow suit. >' Aloha asks: "Who was the founder of the Nobel Prizes? Has any New Zealander ever won one?" The Nobel Prizes were established by the will of Alfred Bernard Nobel (1833-96), a Swedish chemist and inventor of dynamite, etc., to encourage work in the cause of humanity. There are five prizes given annually, each of about £7000, as follows:—(1) For the most noteworthy work in physics; (2) -in chemistry; (3) in medicine or physiology; (4) in idealistic literature; ' and (5) inithe furtherance of universal peace. No New Zealander has yet received a prize. ' '~*.* '■ ■* KHAKI. Dear Sir,—Seeing your revival of old Army quips and such like, perhaps the following ancient, ditty may become modern: —. : ■ : Who dares to say that Britain's not A patriotic land , When patriotic sentiment Abounds on every hand? And doesn't every British heart With loyalty expand Whene'er we see a soldier dressed— in khaki? Very soon we shall see in the khaki street Khaki slops and khaki feet, Khaki winds are sure to blow, Then we shall have some khaki snow. Khaki beef and khaki pork Cut with a khaki knife and fork. You'll be served with a khaki drink By a khaki girl with a khaki wink. Khaki lovers will kiss and spoon Under a khaki coloured moon. Khaki kittens and khaki cats Chasing khaki mice and rats, Khaki leans and khaki fats, And khaki this's and khaki thats— Everything will be khaki. I can remember this song sung after the Boer War, when I was a small brat A.H.B. # * • THIS QUEER WORLD. The Government House in Molt, Greenland, is at present nothing more pretentious than a snow hut. The Governor of the colony has been temporarily inconvenienced by the loss, through fire, of, his official residence, and he and his' family have had to move into a glorified igloo. The presei.ce of ice makes it impossible to build a new house before the end of the summer. Shortage of bottles is worrying the Nazis, The price of a bottle in Vienna often amounts to as much as the value of its contents. A milk bottle costs a penny less than the milk it contains; a mineral-water bottle costs 4d; wine bottles are more expensive still. Imagine paying 2s 8d for a quart 61 beer—ls 7d on the bottle! Elephants are nettled at the latesi device for keeping them off cultivated areas in Ceylon. Much damage is done to crops by wild elephants,, and methods hitherto used to keep them away have varied from stout blockades to the use of charms. But more effective than the stoutest blockade are barriers of nettles. These sting the tendpr part of Qleph»«tc> *■».,,*,I-,. + the first prick he bolts. And as an elephant o«ver forgets, the mere sight of nettles after that makes him giv« the protected plantation a wide bertli,