POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVIII, Issue 41, 17 August 1939, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAG 6

Maxim for wives: You never know what you can do till you cry. w * # • Germany and Russia at the moment are only Poles apart, # # ♦ Jonno (per 'phone): Patent medicines are patently only patent mcdi« cines. • • * It is reported that nearly £10,000,00 i was spent in New Zealand on liquor last year. But "handles" were only fivepence then. * * * There is no truth in the story that the Wellington Hospital staff has asked that some "grey nurses" be included in the imported sharks to be exhibited at the 'Centennial Exhibition. # # ♦ BRAIN-TEASERS. Solutions by mail or telephone:-— Speedy (1 and 2), V."X. CD, (A.M.), Hataitai (1 and 2), Gasmask (landpart of 2), W.C., Jay S., Heretaunga (2), M.T. (Heads) (1 and 2), Rita (1 and 2), Tamer (1 and 2), S.K. (1), J.G.M. (1 and 2), Lancing (2), X.Y.Z. (1), Overlord (2), Waller (1 and 2), Gubbins (1). W.T. (1 and 2), and L.L.D. (1), McFudge (1 and part of 2), and Scotty Morris (1 and 2). 8.8. (Plimmerton): A suggestion which will receive our attention. Is it original? * ♦ .. ♦ LA GUARDIA. In reply to J.M.G.'s request for som« details of the career of New York* civic Napoleon, Mayor La Guardia. He is an accomplished linguist. At the World's Fair he spoke in Italian,at the opening of v the Italian Pavilion; in Croatian at the opening of the Yugoslav exhibit; in French when tht French Pavilion was formally opened. He spoke not falteringly but fluently; not briefly but at length. The "Little Flower" served his country in foreign fields for the better part of seven year* —with the consulates in Budapest and Trieste and Fiume—and returned home to act as interpreter at Ellis Island from 1907 to 1910. And he commanded the American flying force on the Italian front in the big war. « * • HOLE-IN-ONE QUEST FAILS; We read of a Mornington golfer who sank his tee shot in a blind 240-yards hole. Good shootin*—with some luck, ot course. Now here's a story of a Michigan city professional, Harry Gonder, who, trying for a hole in one, quitted after firing 1817 shots at the hole 136 yards away. Slight 25-year-old Gonder was out to prove anyone can make a hole in one, and backed his claim to the amount of 25 dollars. When he had reached the 1500 mark he had to stop for a few moments for ministrations to a blister on the palm of his left hand and muscular aches in his back and left leg. Later on he stopped again to put another bandage on his blistered, hand. Of his last 47 shots, three were within two feet of the cup, and one. bounded over the hole and four feet beyond. Gonder started his marathon at 10 in the morning, ending at 2.40 the next morning—under a brilliant electric light. * * ♦ BLACK WEDNESDAY! Sing a song of sixpence and nothing on the house. Vitriolic -sarcasm: At "six o'clock, gents" Tuesday evening a broadcasting station gave us "You Need Sympathy." - •..,,. In future Wellington barmen will be shouting for their clients like a man with no arms. Won't the charity day collectors suffer now that hotelkeepers have decided to give no change from a sixpenny piece. With fivepenny "handles" no longer procurable, the penny will soon become as extinct as the dodo. One consolation: The kiddy's moneybox will now be safe the day before pay day, for what can a feller do with pennies nowadays? . Even yesterday's date had a "six" in it —it was August the sixteenth. MOJO. ♦ * ♦ MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. 'And me a sandridge. It is clear That war is neither far or near Or sleepin', as the case might be. None of which reely troubles me. J've got past worry in', for that Jest sends one crashin'to the mat. That sorta thing I must desist, Seem' I am a fattylist. Which means what is to be will com* An' verser vicer. There is some Who swaller 'hole what's in the noos— Well, they can do so if they choose, But not for me. I go instead Onto our little garden bed. An' when 'ymencinth I find •Itler slips quiet from my mind, An' somethink like the dove uv peace Sings in my 'ear an' jest won't cease. Talkin' uv war—ain't it a blow To demmercrats both 'igh-'n'-low That " 'andles" should go up in price? Who 'aye to make the sacerfice? Not the beer baronites, I'll, swear: In fact, the game's not on the square, When we pore workers, young-'n'-old. Are caught out, skittled, or clean bowled. The Govermint be'ind their backs Jumped up the beer-besotted tax, At which the pubs they follered sootIn other words, put in the boot, To which the workers 'ad to bow. " 'Andles," my dear, are sixpence now, "Shoutin"' 'as vanished by the board, An' all the boys with one a cord Are frothin' wild (but not from beer) ... What is that John 'Op doin' 'ere? # • ♦ INTIMATION. Stay Awhile: Here's your last stanza: Now there are folk who've left this Land of cows, and milk, and honey; However did they^nanage To get some decent money. Jeritz: Respectfully we suggest that your cerebrum could do with a spring cleaning. Efpee, McFudge, Vie, and P.H.L.: Thanks for problems. Blink Bonny extols Glasgow's outstanding virtues in these lines: O beautiful City of Glasgow, which stands on the River Clyde, How happy should the people be which in ye reside: Because it is the most enterprising city of the present day, Whatever anybody else may say. Horokiwi: Nearly, but not quite. Prescott: Thanks for verses, but we couldn't print them without blushing furiously. CD.: You lack a flair for that sort of thing, and your punctuation is more erratic than our own. Hessa: Sorry you don't like our "style." How's your own? D. (Napier): Verboten. Country Lad: Shall try to find out for you. There's no charge.