POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVII, Issue 147, 24 June 1939, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

For their Majesties there is no:placa like Home. Now is the time for all good punten to begin to follow the Hunting Songs. • <? • • No, Melisande. A' tantrum is not a two-seated .bicycle. • • • >v If Tony Galenta stretches Joe Louis on the canvas we shall seriously consider issuing a hot challenge to Earl McCready. • • • ' It must greatly console those Britishers in Tientsin who have suffered such indignities at the hands of ~ the Japanese to feel that John Bullv.-\. will get'really angry if that sort'of thing continues. \ . v ■ ■ ■•■" '• *■.. '.'*. ~" :-.* -;■' \'-:-!i '■■■' "' '■■■ Henry.—"All this nonsense about ; writing the Lord's Prayer on the back • of a postage stamp leaves me cold," ■■; writes Smith minor. , "All I know , about my homework could be written : on a pin's head." ; ■ " ■' ■.»'. '■■'♦ :•. ■'■ ■■»:, . ;.■ ••.. "■ ' '■' ' A SHUDDERSOME THOUGHT. ■■'■,■■ Dear Flage,—ln spite of recent alarms .and excursions, a student ;'Of international affairs says that there will , be ho more war, as those i kindly and benevolent gentlemen who manipulate currency have decided that war does not pay. Instead, we are to be treated ', to a series of crises calculated to keep •'■, us on edge. That may be so, but supposing in the meantime some irascible old boy : in the British concession at Tientsin socks a Jap under thejaw, what then?. , ■■■ '... .. , .-. ;" ••■,;■■ JUMBO. : ;..'•. Masterton. ' . ' ,■, -.. ••;.- *■-. ■ •.■.. * '.■'■■*'.:, .- : :: ■-■■'■: \: ■•■ , '\ ' BRAIN-TEASERS/ ;;. '. -;.' ]\ , * No. 1 problem:' A man had-flve castings. He gave them to a labourer ,to weigh.; - The „, labourer—being a "dumb cluck"— weighed them in pairs in every possible way. The results he obtained were: 95, 104, 108, 115, 117, 121, 128, 130, 137, and 141 pounds: respectively. What were the weights ol the castings? Yorky sends these buried' Englistf towns: ■ ■■: Nunsdread + 1; Hinttoman -}- g; Noredcat. + s; Tracesmen + h; ..Palwhorotmeh -f- v; Puthoojtman ± s; : Tramhero + h;;Dialsmen +f. : : Example: Donon -f- 1 = London. Answers'to last Saturday's teasers:— ■■„.;,• No. I,' 18 miles;. No. ;2,-- Wapiti, Roe-. «. buck, Tapir, Marmot, Zebra, Spaniel, . Nilghai; Walrus. J ; V. Further solutions: "Scruffy," No. 1 and seven of the ; eight animals. :. Jamie got No. 1, but; No. 2 stymied -ju him. "W.W." .missed on No.' 1, but managed No. 2/ . . . : '.'. ,•;.•.••' Note.— Tonight being an extea-spe-,. cial night with us. due to a mild cele^ bration of the return of the prodigal-; daughter (back flauntingly from Sydney), our telephone will cease working at 7 p.m. or thereabout. So get in early, and good huntin'. * * * SCHOOL'S IN. • . ... Do you know that— . • -. ' • 1 A Kent 23-year-old man claims to have travelled nearly 13,000' mUes in two years on a bicycle vhe bought . for £1? -.;•■■ ■■ •■■■• ■ ■.■;'■;:■■-■■■• 2. Marcus Aurelius was said to oe the-politest Roman .Emperor who ever ; sat on the throne?;: , ■ . ; : \ , 3. From century to century, Durasa», has been in the hands of the- Goths, the Normans, Sicily, Venice, Anjou^ Serbia, Turkey; ' itself (for a brief moment), and now Italy. . ; :■ 4. A mother-in-law assocjation has. been formed in New York to campaign against "harsh and vulgar mother-in-law jokes"? . , •■ . '-'■■- 5. India's royal rajahs eat gold lear on their ice cream and their stewed fruit? . -■: •-,•■■■■ .

6. At one time, in England an oven bell informed peasants that the lords ovens were hot, arid they could bake their bread? ' .'■' ''' ■ . 7. Statistics reveal that one's chances of being murdered in New York are* forty times greater than they are in London? •'-• 8. At one time, , shortly after the Middle Ages, patients were plied wittl wines and liquors until they,fell into a drunken stupour? . ■• 9 Nanking recently mobilised an. 'army of -2000 ducks 1, to wage ,: war against local larvae in an island in the Yangtze-River, near the capital? 10 The dust from consumed meteorites " striking the atmosphere would cover the earth to a depth of 19 feet in the'course of 60 million years? ' FIRST THINGS. ; Most clearly I recall how the convent bells shattered the evening calm . across the bay; ./ I remember the green rocks and the salt sea smells of slime and seaweed Where we used to play. . We climbed the trackless cliffs where trie locusts sang and a flowering vine hung stars upon the sea; \ : I remember the cave in the crumbling ; rock, and the fang of giant root ~ curved down from the powering v ~' :• tree. .■■■'■ -:< \ ■ ',■■' ! ■■■ ■ '■- ~' We saw black ships glide slow through , the shining haze to the harbour mouth, and fade on the worlds far edge; • , , We swam in the sea, and fished on summer days, naked in sunlight on a rocky ledge: V Why have all these things been disclosed to me? Yet, flutter now like a paper bag astern Of a liner that plunges: through the, darkening sea into that night from which no ships return. . ■;' ■ A. R. D. FAIRBURN.,

A FRIEND IN NEED. "Lofty," a widely-Known ard shot» was broke and "doing his best" in a Palmerston hotel blr after hours when a man with a suitcase, hurrying in, ordered a double whisky, and wanted to know what time the* -Wellington train left. -'Lofty" got in quick. "You got about ten minutes." "Right oh, have one?" "Sure thing," says "Lofty." Man scoffed his up quickly, dwelt for a minute, and then: "Have another?' "Sure thing," says "Lofty." Off goes the traveller, only to return in great distress. "I've lost that dam' train, and I must be in .Wellington tomorrow morning; do you-know anyone going through?" he says to the barman. "Lofty" slipped in quickly: "Well, I'm making for Wellington tonight meself an' you can come with me." Gratefully relieved^ the traveller again "set 'era up," and got talking. At last: "Wliat time do you leave?" saysJ he. '<Oh, shortly." says "Lofty." '.'l'm waiting for a cheque. I'm temporarily broke." "That's all right; here's jx > pound; it will be my share of the trip anyhow." So "Lofty" shouted, the man shouted, and the barman shouted, and time went on. At last the anxious traveller says, "Well,,what about getting away? Where's your , car?/' "Car?" says "Lofty. "I ain't got jfo car,'? "But " commenced the man. when "Lofty" interrupted: "I said * I was:goin' to Wellington an' you could come with me. - That's still O.K. I'm walking!"