POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVII, Issue 130, 5 June 1939, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Mr. Lyons put up a good score off his own bat because he is not one to sit- on the splice. * » • No, Melisande. The gentleman, who ruled Germany before the war was not a geyser, though he was an out-and-out gusher. * * * The Government naturally is pleased with the result of the by-election, and particularly the rather troubled Minister of Finance now in London. ''. ' •» - - * '.*''. '^Scruffy" quotes Lord Strabolgi thus: In that lovely country (New Zealand) there are no "jitters," but much optimism and faith in the future. . . . "You're telling me" (comment* "Scruffy)," but he dare not tell it to the farmers or the importers. ~~ -" b * * , '*-. "GAS" FATALITIES. From the weekly circular sent out to members' of the Christchurch Rotary Club:—ln the U.S.A. it is reported that last year 39,000 people were killed by gas alone. Sixty inhaled it, forty lighted matches in it, and 38,900 stepped on it. * * * A CHILD'S WISDOM. Dear Flage,—One day quite recently a, child of about eight years was over* heard to say to another child of about the same age that,, "I don't think any man should be born until he is thirty years old." He evidently had visions of men possessing matured "intelligence, when they attained their majority twenty-one years later. Perhaps he is right. A MINOR. * * *" PROTEST. Dear Flage,—When you call at the' Post Office on Wednesday to pay your Social Security tax and quarterly levy (if you have already done so —well, call nevertheless) I wish to direct your notice to what I consider a flagrant case of unfair trading. Amongst the various Government notices you will come upon the following two notice* appearing next to each other: — (a) Invest in 4 per cent. £4,500,000 Stock at £99 per cent, etc.

(b) Invest in 3£ per cent. Stock at £100 per cent., etc.—State Advances Corporation (or words to that effect). I trust that you will bring this matter under the notice of the Hon. Minis--ter of Industries and Commerce for suitable action by him . under- the Board of Trade Act! PRO BONO PUBLICO Karori. . * #. , * BANSHEE AT ORIENTAL BAY. Dear Flage,—Have you heard or seen our new visitor at the Bay? If not, hurry around, as it's very wonderfuL Last night it performed from 7 till 11, and it was really great. When it started several neighbours rushed in and thought the baby was dying; we. got quite a crowd, and, on looking over the, distinguished company, we missed our worthy Mayor. I'm sure he would have liked hearing it. It has a fine, healthy, eerie wail; some thought it was a pig being murdered, but the banshee has a far finer tone than that Others suggested, that the Fire Brigade had .gat. the pip : over our worthy "Mayor's remarks and^ dumped their siren in our lovely district, while others said it was bands practising for the Exhibition. We all feel sure it will be a great acquisition to the Exhibition, and it's very considerate of it to arrive so early. Its wail starts on a low note and gradually works up to a good, full, rich, blasty wail. It does this every fewseconds. It must be a great help to people suffering from nerves, or invalids, and remind-them of Ould Oireland. So hurry around, Flage, and bring his Worship with you, and have a good night's entertainment free. ROSE Y.NEATH. * . *. * HOUR OF NEED. Dear Percy Flage,—l once learnt a sonnet by Wordsworth that called on Milton to help England in an hour of need: The other day I tried to remember it. By improvising here and . there I managed to scrape together a few lines —and this was the result: — Wordsworth, thou shouldst .be living

at this time. England hath need of thee: thy subtle

pen Would coax a hundred thousand,youth-

ful men , To join her cause—the noble and

sublime, , I Great front of peace. For she must j vstrive and climb To her old throne of military dominance again, Before the Fascist tribe are strong as we. Come then, And stir young England's fervent patriotism with thy rhyme. Once thou didst sing of noble England's might ' •' When great Napoleon saw the world within his hand; But now: another tyrant fain would stand On her free soil. Come sing old England's song anew: "For King and Country, God and Right!" .... "*'■'.- And 'chance a pleasant note to Russia might help, too. '■ As this seems rather suitable at the moment I thought it might. interest you. The title of the original, by the way, is,"London, 1802." Best wishes for Col. 8. Yours sincerely, A. FALCONER. # ,-'#' ■'.■'-»•..- . BRAIN-TEASERS.

We settled down in our crazy chair on Saturday evening after a consider* able "spot" of gardening, when, the telephone went and an unknown voice asked us what Royal Appellant had paid in the Cornwall at Auckland. When we replied that we were neither a bookmaker nor a bookmaker's agent, !the voice said, "Sorry. Wrong number," and rang off. The next call was in a sense a business one: it was K.E.K., a newcomer, with «the solutions to both teasers. Time, 5.50. That was the beginning of another full evening.- Ten minutes later Efpee happened along with No. 1, followed closely by Gas Mask with a nice double. Hataitai (No. 1 and eisht-eighths of No. 2), and R.J.W. (No. 1) in marching order. Blotto was next with No. 1 and .875 of No. 2, N.T.G. trailing him with two complete solutions—and a story of kittens with a religious flavour. Bruce Flage, L.J., W. J. Roche, Ned, Kelly, I C.8., Wee Scotch—the last four making ! their debut in this tourney—were next I with No. 1 and No. 2, and. "O'L" and - Phil o' Math with No. 1. No 1 gave solvers no trouble, but the last of the jumbled animals held up ■ quite a few. Three people wanted to know if it was not a misprint for"ferret." It isn't. The animal is one as well known to everybody as a bullfrog or a ewe. So there. At the same time we have to confess that wt included this one mischievously,- rathe* hoping that it would put entrants qfl the trail, and as that happened we were not displeased, naturally.- Anyhow, we enjpy these Saturday nights,. and there is every reason.. to believ* ; that Postscripters, too, appreciate thenv