POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVI, Issue 102, 27 October 1938, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Add to the list' of men of conviction: habitual criminals. .# * • * If Germany wants a place in ihe\ African sun, there's always the middle Sahara. * , * / ' ♦ Then there was little Ikey' who, when asked to name the world's two greatest oceans, replied: "Adlandic and Specific." ,* ■■ * : * .■.:'■ "0.5. J.": Russia has started shooting reckless drivers. This goes to show that a country which is wrong in many things may finally give the rest of the world a. neat idea. ■ * * * •' ' '■ ; ■■'. . Now we know what happens in thow little grey homes in the west An athletic club in Cornwall staged a roll-ing-pin throwing championship. Mar' ried women walked off with the first three prizes! . . * « « NAME COINCIDENCES. Dear Mr. Flage,—Apropos your correspondents' lists o: name coincidences: A few years ago in a place called England I knew two neighbours called Smith and Jones. Curiously enough, the third neighbour wasn't called Robinson, but Cholmondeley, or something like that. I remember that Smith suffered from corns and Jones would only use wax matches. This is quite true. ■ Yours, J.W.B. Indeed! Sez we. \ Many years ago in Timaru the name* of ■ the members of the medical profession practising were Doctors Thomas, Drew, Bow, Shot, Hogg, Reid, and Dryden. The following quip was made up from those names: Dr. Thomas drew a bow and shot a hogg behind a reid in a dryden. ANON , .?;■■ * ■ ■•:>■■ ■::•■■ ... ■■"■ , ■ PERSISTENT. Dear Flage,—Maybe my sense of humour is easily tickled, but I think the following, which took place in a certain hostelry a few days ago, is worth recounting. A thirsty customer who had obviously been doing his best to assuage said thirst, approached the barman and, with an assumption of long-standing friendship, hiccoughed _ a request for an extension of/his credit. The barman was adamant so far as. his own pocket was concerned, and told the thirsty one flatly that without "a chit from the boss" there was nothing doing. Off lurched the customer, to return in a minute or so with the announcement: "The boss says all right." But the barman had been caught before. "Give it to me in writing," he insisted. "Right," said the thirsty one promptly. "Gimme pencil an' paper;" whoozit. . * • • PRE-SOWN FLOWER-BEDS. •'Lab Oratory,"' a science student, dug this piece of ingenuity out of "Life" (an American magazine) foe our "edification and information, seeing that.you are something of a gardener." We pass it on—thus: — A new process of lawn-growing has < been invented by Vincent Hartley, English' printing-works owner. Grass seeds are spread on-sheets of paper smeared with preservative paste,.then, covered with another sheet. The sheets are three feet by two. The buyer can cut them to fit bare patches or to follow the curving edge of a flower garden or walk. Laying the sheet on the plot to be seeded, he sprinkles an eighth of an inch of dry soil over it and then a fine spray of water. The paper protects the seeds from birds, prevents them from sinking too deeply into the soil,'.and attracts the requisite amount of water. During germination the paper decomposes and the paste, which is a mild fertiliser, nourishes the grass. Within ten days a perfect grass plot has sprung up, in three months there is ,* r smooth, compact lawn. *'Pre-sown Lawn" strips vary in price from 10 to 5 cents, according to the grade of the seed mixture. Soon Hartley will have ; ready pre-sown flower-beds. .'•■'• • ' *■ MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. 'Lo, dearie. All O.K. today? Yes, spring 'as dooly come, I'll say. I don't feel quite myself all right— That 'edge'og pome uv Flage larst night Upset me—yes; 'cos I for one Can't stummickpeople pokin' fun At little creatures, 'appy helves, Tpo weak to stand up for theirselve»« I'know that when I. wenta; school My teacher told us it was crool To throw orf at dumb Nature's things* Whether they 'aye or don't 'aye wings.. I think—an y the idea is my, ownFar better to let well alone And not stir trouble up a tall In, animiles both great-'n'-snaall. For if you do, as sure as Fate, They're certain to retaluate. I don't quite love the 'edge-'og; dear, Becos one fine dark night larst year I" trod on somethink down our drives An' when it sudden came alive, An' squirmed beneath my 'oofs, I felt Quite, funny underneath my belt. My blood went cold, my face went ... I crashed down on a tender spot, An' watta fall was there. But still, I didden bear 'im no ill will. Becos I knew 'c didden mean, To use me to create a scene. An' worms don't say prayers—that'i a lie, An' Betty Martin, all my eye. Jest underneath the grass they creep To get, like'us, a 'ealthy sleep, The which I'd like my fans to know ... 'Ere's to a friend who ain't no foe. ■ - ■»" ■■ * • "GOLFE"—IN 1687. Note (on "golfe") from the diary of a young Scot (dated Jan., 1687) who set down in his record how, in his opinion, the game ought to be played:— . . .■ I found that the first point to be studyed in playeing at the golfe is to hitt the ball exactly; for if you hitt the ball exactly; for if you hitt the ball exactly though the club have butt little strenth yett the ball will fly verie farre. The way to attain this perfection is to play. with little strenth at first but yet acurately observing all the rules of poustour and motion before sett down, and then when ye have acquired arie habit of hitting the ball exactly ye most learn to increase your strenth or force in the stroak by degrees, staying still so long upon every degree till you have acquired ane habit of it; neither will the knowledge of these degrees be altogether uselese afterward, !6r they will serve for halfe chops and quarter, chops and for holling the ball. But then in going through all these degrees of strenth you most be verie attentive and careful not to alter that postour ofyour body or ["of" in MS.] way of moveing and bringing about the club which ye observed when he playd with little strenth: for the only reason why men readily miss the ball when they strick with more strenth then ordinare is because their incressing their strenth in the stroak makes them alter their ordinare position of their body and ordinare way of bringing about the club; as also it makes them stand much more unsetledly and waver in bringing about the club, and so they readily miss the baU.