POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXV, Issue 84, 9 April 1938, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Add similes: As selfless as a selicentred woman. - * • • About the only thing that hasn't changed in this mutable world is the curate's collar; it is still back-to-front. * * * Perhaps one would be justified for the time being if one renamed it tha impermanent way. * * # If the Empress of Britain, which is 760§ft long, could be placed in Willis Street, wouldn't she just tie up the tram traffic? *• v # News note: "The men were found sleeping on the scow by a constable. There was nothing to indicate any intention to commit a crime .. ." Naturally, with a constable as a bed-mate. * * * It, as< Mr. Nash insists, there must be enough cloth to cut a big enough coat for everyone, it looks as though taxpayers will have to reconcile themselves to going without pants. So what? * # « WELSHER. From the "Weekend Book," the wonderful little authority brought out by the Nonesuch Press, "Alphonse" takes this sample of its contents and passes it on. The title of the verse is "On a Distant Prospect of an Absconding Bookmaker." Alas! What boots it that my noble steed, Chosen so carefully, the field outran? I did not reckon, bookie, on your speed: The proper study of mankind is man. * * » WOKLD'S OLDEST BABY. "Old-timer" asked us a week or two ago for the name of the world's oldest baby. Its name is not given, but its skull is to be found at Bandoeng, Java. The skull dates back 700,000 years, which is 400,000 years older than the famous ape-man (Pithecanthropus Erectus) of Java. The baby skull (also found in Java) is very primitive, but human for all that. The baby skull has been pronounced definitely human (says an authority). The story of this child we shall never know. It was found in a volcanic region; at that distant date volcanic activity was widespread, Java was still part of Asia, and the last great Ice Age was over Europe. Maybe, with the numerous animals, found in the same river-bed, it perished in some overwhelming eruption or earthquake. * # • BRAIN TEASER. Do you play golf? (We can't—but we do, occasionally.) Very well: whether you did, do, or don't, read about Walter Pagan, famous lawn polo player, who was clipping the "pill" one large summer day. The yardage of the first nine holes ran, respectively, 300, 250, 200, 325, 275, 350, 225, 375, and 400. At the end of the ninth hole, Mr. Pagan's caddy commented on a strange thing. He said that there was one member of the club who had practised for years on a golf technique. He used only two kinds of shots, drives and approach shots. All his shots were perfectly'straight'and the drives were always exactly the same length while his approach shots were of a different length from the drives, but also of the same length themselves so that he always hit the ball one of two distances. What two distances would let him come out even on each hole and r his score to a very minimum? Now, don't all speak at once, * • • SCHOOL'S IN. Do you know that— 1. For bridge addicts, those who even like to play the game alone, there is a new board so arranged that one person can play as many as 24 hands by herself? 2. Vienna's drought-proof covered reservoir has a capacity of nearly 40,000,000 gallons, which would supply 2,000,000 inhabitants with drinking water for two months? 3. A Chicago advertising expert says that America spends £200,000,000 a year in advertisements and of this sum the papers get 55 per cent.? 4. In a book of manners published in Queen Elizabeth's day it was laid down: "Take your food only with three fingers and in small mouthfuls"? 5. It is the inherent nature of the butterfly caterpillar to eat some of its egg-shell as its first meal or devour its cast skin as its first meal after moulting? 6. The' annual report of the British Empire Cancer Campaign reveals that short wireless waves may one day be used in the treatment of cancer? 7. Scores of women in Mayfair have coloured bowls and glass tanks let into their walls, in which goldfish that harmonise in colour with the rooms swim to and fro? 8. Listed at the Call Bureau of Central Casting, Hollywood, are 3000 men and women scenario writers and 600 directors and assistant directors? 9. Automatic totes on which 2s can be invested for a win and ar' ' are a popular innovation at Aintr 10. Doctors' bills for Prince* Juliana's baby were only £250? * * ♦ THE PINES. (With acknowledgments to "Art hi New Zealand.") Though life importantly Goes on by road a-gleam, The pines heed not, Oh, drowned in dream They have forgot These kings, these poets dreaming Above our world of seeming. Not even this breeze Disquiets the black and carven trees— Ah! They are old and wise, Philosopher pines that contemplate th« skies, And hermit pines that keep Their rich and separate sleep. With happy speech I cannot reach, Nor find interpreter When in large utterance they confer . • ■ But I can go Docile beneath their priestly boughs, And know An absolution breathed upon rcrs brows. J. R. HERVEY. * * * ACCUMULATORS. C.J.C, took these from "Popular Wireless" for Column B's benefit:— A correspondent of a wireless firm who had possessed a radio for years, told them that, till recently, it had brought nothing but happiness into his home. But the spell had apparently^ now been broken by a minor domestic tragedy. He summed up the position in one short sentence, "My accumulator is upset over the carpet. So is my wife!" Another inquirer wrote for advice, also about his accumulator. His questions were answered, and he put the recommendations he was given into practice. Overjoyed at the results, he wrote to thank the firm, concluding with the remark: "Thanks for the advice. The accumulator is now, likt my wife, gassing freely."