POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXV, Issue 20, 25 January 1938, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGS

Introducing another quid Scot: he gave a man a piece of his mind. * # * Nowadays the bonds of Empire are not regarded exactly as gilt-edged securities. * * * It was rather a faux pas for the Samoan delegation to present the Prime Minister with a club-like gift as a token of good will. * # # Said "Light-fingered Larry" after reading the Prime Minister on. the Onakaka prospects: "Anyhow. I've beaten Joe to the steal business." * # * ■ If the Nazis follow the new Ten. Commandments faithfully and make the Fuhrer their model we can foresee a nation-wide rash of tooth-brush moustaches and ,a heavy fall in the birtl* rate. * « * OFFICE SWEEP. Arranged a sweep in the office ih« other day, and one lady typist drew" a horse which was ultimately scratched. She inquired how her horse came to be scratched, and I explained that he bolted and was caught up in the wire of the birdcage! She practically demanded her money back, but next morning apologised for being peevish because her uncle told her that th« poor jockey was also "half-cut"! BINDY. " * * * BRAIN-TEASER, Maybe you would like a little mental exercise for a change. If so, here'i a problem to work on. At a recent fire a fireman stood on the middle rung of a ladder shooting water into the burning building. As the smoke diminished he stepped up three rungs and continued his work from that point. A sudden flare-up forced him to descend five rungs. Later he climbed up seven rungs and worked there until the fire was out. Then he climbed the six remaining rungs and entered the building. What we want you to tell us is: How many rungs were there bi tfli ladder? * «• * INFORMATION BUREAU. "Stop Outer."—ln a trial match ia Sydney Doa Bradman scored a century and a double century on the same day. "Ranji" once made two centuries in " one day. At a Test match at Leeds, Bradman put up 308 at the end of the day. Charlie Macartney made 345 against Notts for Australia, and was out quite a while before stumps were drawn. This was the occasion (A. G. Moyes tells us) on which Macartney, after battering the bowlers almost into a condition of insensibility, called for • a heavy bat so that he could "have a go"! "Matric."—(l) The "battle of the nations" was a name given to the great battle of Leipzig in the Napoleonic wars, when the French, under Napoleon, were defeated by the coalition armies consisting of the Prussians, Russians, Austrians, and Swedes. (2) A rendezvous is a place of meeting. The term is derived from rendez, to'betake, vous, yourself. •' # * * " PLEASE ADVISE. : Dear Mr. Flage,—l want your readers* advice. La poor, simple Pommy arid a civil servant, have just learnt that the Public Service Commissioners keep records of the appearance and dress of employees and award marks thereon. Here have I been wasting time. study* ing my particular job with a view to betterment, when apparently I ought to have had a permanent wave and a new rig of gent's natty suitings. But what is the standard? Should an applicant for the Agricultural Department have a square jaw and a pair of bandy legs encased in breeches and leggings? And supposing he later wishes to transfer to the Department of Industrial and Scientific Research: does he grow a long professorial beard to hide the jaw and legs?: It's all very difficultf Imagine the Commissioners discussing an applicant who has one of those strong beards that look as though they hadn't been shaved by 3 p.m.. "Yes, a nice fellow, with the highest qualifications and a good record, but did you notice that beard? Oh well,"Jones must have the job. He's very handsome, and also gets eight marks for having a dress suit." Ought I to get one of those green hats that went out of fashion at Home three years ago?— Yours, "JAY BEE.' 1 * * ♦ . OH. FOR THE GAL OF YESTERYEAR! I saw a most enchanting sight today, A maiden clad in feminine array. I took a second look and yes, 'twas , true. Her dress, tho' pale, was definitely blue, And here and there was just a tiny frill. And that it was that made my heart stand still. So tired I am of limbs all brown and bare, Of sunburned arms, and wispy windblown hair! Oh, give us back the maM of yesteryear— ■ ■ ' • A thousand voices echo me: "Hear, hear!" It's sad to' see the female form divine Ridiculously clad in togs like mine. Sincerest form of flattery is this— You copy-cats, who aim to be a manSee here, my dears, your aim you sadly miss, . ■ Emphatically you never, never can! If you could see yourself as others do Your figure; meaning, by that, a rear view, a guarantee you'd put those pants away, And be a girl again, without delay. PETER. *■ * * MORE SLANG. . ~ ; As promised, here are more examples of modern Americanisms. Names given to signify those popular or unpopular are many and varied. An unsociable companion may be a "flat tyre," an "empty plate," a "wart," a "wet smack," or perhaps just a "cold shudder" or a "pessimistic pimple." A friendly soul will be a "good egg, "Joe," or "onion." The names for girls are legion, remark: "Canary,' ■ "dame," "calico," "hairpin," and 'sardine," not to forget "clinging vine," a "hotsie totsie," "baby vamp," or plain "darb." ' Naturally you would sooner go to a "hob-nail hop" with any of the above divinities than with a "bag a "sack," a "crock," a "butter-milk, or a "muddy plough." Especially if accompanied (or unaccompanied) by an "alarm clock" or "fire extinguisher —to wit, a chaperone. If the girls mother be of ample bodily proportions and of forbidding aspect she becomes a "battle-axe." If she be pleasant—it is "all to the mustard." To the average student your hands are "lunch hooks.' You may talk to him of anything, from the latest "broken wagon," or disappointment in love.'.to the mechanical perfection of the latest "buzzwagon, . "hippo," "struggle buggy," or "puddle- .. jumper." And lastly—don't lot Henry Ford hear you refer to his products as "bone crushers." "bouncing Bettics," "Henry's rattles," "Rolis . Roughs." , "Detroit Disasters," or "Michigan Mistakes."