HOW TO BE A SUCCESS IN BRITAIN

Evening Post, Volume CXXV, Issue 18, 22 January 1938, Page 25

HOW TO BE A SUCCESS IN BRITAIN

• . Prizes were offered recently by the "Manchester Guardian" for a hundred words of first advice to a foreigner laritiing^for the first time' in England. ! The" advice that should be given to the foreigner, as was more than once carefully.'pointed' out, would be very different if he was arriving in Scot- ' land/ Ireland, or Wales; said the judge. We still believe the summary descriptions: of' national characteristics which ■ appear ;in children's geograprly books. The iScbt3man i3 upright and cautious ; (or, rather. Upright and 'Cautious, for good qualities in: the abstract look • more impressive with. capitals), the Welshman Talkative- and "Passionate; ' the Irishman Charming and Wayward, ■ the Englishman-^well, we should have • said Thoughtful.,' and JTust, but it was :.' not.possible to'escape with so brief or ' so flattering a description. ■:■>..'■' There was general agreement that '" the-foreigner would have to plan his approach cautiously. He must not, ■ to put it bluntly, think-that the Englishman means what h6 says. "Make allovMnces for the Englishman's habit '. of disparaging his country.' He loves ■. it really" and "Beware of falling Into th« trap, of agreeing with the English ■ when th'ey' are grumbling atout their country's Government",were two bits 61 sound advice from Ashton-under-. • Lyne and Putney. "A poor thing, but mine own, and a lot better than yours" is the form English patriotism usually takes.

This Manchester entry would be useful to the foreigner: , Try not to look foreign. We' don't like foreigners. For this reason avoid wearing your national costumes unless you are Royalty or something. Try not to act foreign, unless you. lire very foreign. In which case you will be expected ,to ' ' ■ ' ■'-.: ■. ■' ■ ■ Say the usual nice things, and more. If possible. We like flattery, yet -take, our modesty for -granted Say the usual nasty things if you like. We shan't believe them, and we shall be courteous enough to humour you. :• - Don't attempt "to understand • the English character.- You will be no wiser, and your faux pas will be many. • ■ .■■ \. ■■ The first ririze" went to. '. ■' . DOX'T, In a restaurant, ask the waiter for the dl3hes In French. Ask him what they mean In Engll3h; lt'.ll please him better. . ' DOX'T assume because a man Is "a native of. ■ ' a place that he knows .anything of its world-famous historical - associations. DOX'T pretend to be Interested in . our. National'Fitness .Campaign- No one else is. .;, DOX'T be alarmed If you see a placard— "Chelsea•• wiped out:by.: Wolves '—It probably refers only to .a- jrame. DON'T ask why-people laugh. If you should mention Wigan, Opper Tooting, or the Albert Memorial..- They can't tell you. The second prize to It Is understood that you know the language. N.B. "ftlghto" means "Yes, Madam." The Money System Is not so complicated as would appear—e.g., f.-->i ll'id read Is. A calm expression -honld ■be practised In advance for use wnei' .•■rlit-seelnir. except, ot course, at sports. mpeung? Strict iilence Is obsei.wl' through travel. Crruswords and newsp?.pe-s are not essential, but It Is not usual to look out of the window unless .the fog Is dangerously'thick. The dullness Is largely external. Questions are answered—brevity no sign of unwillingness. And there is the British Museum, tnd the police officer.