POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXIII, Issue 99, 28 April 1937, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

By Percy Flage,

Like Disraeli, Father Divine is fervently on the side of the "angels." •'•'■• • Those people who live by their wits would starve if there were not so many witless folk about. ♦.-*■* Whistlebreeches.—And then there was the woman who thought that the "pro" in the name of St. Paul's stood for Protestant. ■ . . * • • Our perfervid Nationalists, who hope to have Labour on the run presently, will have to show more speed than formerly to overtake the enemy ._ ■#*.» ■ ' ■ • v On arriving Home, the manager of the M.C.C. team said there was not a single regrettable incident. Except, ■ of course, the failure to win the Ashes. * . ■ •■ * ANOTHER EPIDEMIC. .' , • Listen to this: The council's collection of historic photographs has been added to by the presentation of a plague of the first Borough Council. ... -.'. ■ What is the Health Department doing about the matter? asks "Apprehensive." ■ ' *.: » » ' • r ONIONS. Dear Mr. Flage,—Re the onions .Mr. Kyle, M.P., told us about last week: These onions brings tears to my eye*, Contemplating their very sad lot, While in sacks they're forgotten1, And left to go rotten; They will never, of course, go to pot! E.A. Lower Hutt. * •'■■..■•■ ■ ■ ■ THE CULINARY COVE. He's sly as a fish, and sour as a pickle. Slow, as an oyster bogged in traacle. His nose turns up like a teapot spouiv He has lobster eyes that stick right out Hair like a dish-mop of carroty re(V Adorns the pumpkin he calls his tread. He is pigeon-toed, waddles like ie-duck, He is chicken-hearted, an 3 has no ■■ pluck. His face is as hard as a nutmeg grater, And I'm really afraid' lift's' a bad pertater. ■ ■ , ; But he knows his onions, and he's cool as custard, ' He's got the beans, and he'll "land the mustard. . PEAELEEN. '■ .■"•■■"■• .«.■'. "-'•': ■" ■ REHEApSALS. That series of rehearsals for the Coronation in Westminster Abbey are run by what are called the 300 Gold Staves (we assume that that is the plural for Gold Staff Officer)., Their duty is to guide all the rajahs and foreign ambassadors, and notables like that to their, seats, as well as the army of Pressmen. The Gold Staves themselves wear the usual black velvet levee dress with steel buttons, kneebreeches, and brassard: The gold staff is a bright vermilion stick gilded for four inches at each end, and will be of great use to the owners, both in reaching the Abbey • and' in - leaving it without difficulty, for it gives free passage anywhere. The Gold Staves! job,on the. : great; day. is- no sinecure, but one advantage of-being a G.S.O. is that the late Queen Anne left a sum of money especially for the corps on such occasions. The result is that they get any amount of champagne, and pate ,de foie, gras at their own buffets. There are no other buffets in the Abbey,-and. the rest of the congregation have to go to.the stands outside if they want something to eat. * * * BIRD-IN-THE-BOX. G.M.J. avers that "Just Me" is entitled to her morning tea at our expense because "when the. bird leaves the floor of the box and flies around its weight obviously must be supported somehow." • Someone, else, says: "Why not weigh, the damn box and have done with it?" ■ ■■■.::• ■ "Lab. Student" confirms our solution in this wise: "The bird in flying produces a current of air which, due to its mass and velocity, is momentum. This momentum . was given- to the air by the bird, and the force necessary to give it is exactly equal to what it pro-; duces when it presses on the bottom of the box, i.e., the weight of the bird. Therefore the weight of box and bird is unchanged whether the bird is sitting on the bottom of the box or fly? ing around inside." So there we are; * * ■ •■■-...■-.■ . ■ FRUITY. Oh, luscious creature, Unpainted, yet of colourful complexion! Youth and age regard you with affection, . Your rounded . curves, your dimpled 1 skin. ' '. ■ ■■-■■ . "....■■■ But emphasise sweet joy within. . Oh, precious treasure, ■ . ' ' Enchantress from: the tropic ■ lands— That I could take you, in my hands And squeeze you, till you shed a tear! Will -you be mine—this ' year—next year? Oh, dietetic rapture!.';.-■ What hope have I, mid this mad whirl? You're lovelier than any girl But no; you're far beyond my reach: Just fancy—oranges, threepence each. . , " ' ' ' G.P. (Other papers please copy.) ♦ ■.■■♦■': ' * -' PELORUS JACK. H.K. (Postscripts,.23/4/37) says: "Not rubbing his barnacles off, another groundless yarn." I saw Pelorus Jack several times from the Wainui, and p have always thought he came to the ships for no other purpose than to have the barnacles rubbed off (if he had any), just as animals go to a post to scratch themselves, but P.J. had the scratching done for him. He always waited ahead for the ships, ready set to accelerate when the ship overtook him. I do not think that any attempt was made to feed him; he was a dolphin, and got his feed from the sea. One perfect day we left Nelson for Picton in the morning, and when we approached the spot where P;J. always picked up the ships, the passengers and an officer took up positions right up in the bow. Very soon he was reported from the bridge (by glasses) some distance ahead, and in a few minutes we came up with him. The sea was like glass; he, right at the surface; and his effortless swimming was a miracle. His back was grey-blue, shaded to white on the under side, like" a shark's. For quarter of an hour or so he amused himself by swimming diagonally' across the ship's stem, letting the ship strike him near the tail and slide up to near his head. The officer drew our attention to the fact that each time the ship touched him we coul feel the impact through our feet. This was quite perceptible to all of us. He turned on his side so that the stem took a different course along his body, and we saw scratches made by the ship plainly visible on the darker parts. When he had had enough; he dived straight ahead, and was seen no more that trip ■E.CJU =