POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXIII, Issue 17, 21 January 1937, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

By Perot Ffacc.

The Spanish Government's stock is steadily falling, but the Catalonian farmers are rising. * « » In the interests of public safely West Coast cows will simply have to be taught to go quietly over railway crossings. # * « History assures us that when the brother or sister of a Phar Lap is put up for sale it means a "sell" for somebody. • » • If we rightly understand last night's commentator on the Adelaide Test all that is required to ensure an English victory is (1) Allen to win the toss, (2) Voce to paralyse the Aussie batsmen, and (3) Bradman to make under double figures each knock. » « « JAZZ. It seems that jazz has another us* than as an occupation for radio listeners (writes "Observator"). Dr. Yoshimasa Yagi, of Japan, finds that "jazz music played on a gramophone drives the Kyochu variety of maggot deep into the body of the silkworm, where it dies of asphyxiation in less than half an hour," and so indirectly assists in the Japanese silk industry. And now we want to know whether the maggot sits up .and cheers when it hears Beethoven. * * • EAR FOR MUSIC. That declamatory 'phone advertisement reminds us of a story about the early days of such wizardry whica may mildly amuse Postscripters, Ths late Sir William Preece, in his inaugural 'phone call to Osborne, had arranged that a band should play selections at 9 p.m. from London. Queen Victoria was unable, however, td listen at that hour, and Sir William sent the band home. When the call was eventually put through Sir William, in a quandary, himself sang "God Save the Queen" to her Majesty. When he had finished Victoria asked the name of the tune, and after Sir William explained that it was tho National Anthem she said: "And played very badly, tool"

FACETIAE. These are a few reflections sent by L.D.A. to us before we fled on our West Coast pilgrimage. 1. Why is our language called th» mother tongue?— Because father can't get a word in. 2. How quickly children seem to grow up nowadays; no sooner have we finished sitting up with them than wa are sitting up for them. 3. Do you know where to find mangoes?— Wherever woman goes. 4. It's not always judicious to speak of things as you find them—better shove 'em quietly in your pocket.

5. Why is a quick tune on a saxophone Dleasanter to hear than a slow one?—lt's sooner over. fi. This year we'may expect to read the reminiscences of a certain notorious thrice-wed lady—rChap. I* Chap. ll# Chap. 111. 7. Newly-wedded husbands, who complain that they had no voice in choosing the furniture, needn't worry; they'll get the invoice.

UPPER HUTT BLOCK HOUSE. Dear Flage,—Would you kindly furnish any information available re the old block house at Upper Hutt, and state whether it was ever used for defence purposes. The timber of which the building is constructed is so well cut that It does not seem to date back to Maori War days when, I believe, sawpits were regarded as the last wora in timber working. And what w&s done to provide fen adequate supply of water? Of course, that was before the days of early closing, and Quinn's Post was fairly convenient, so no doubt some of the bolder spirits would run the cutter-there after dark. Possibly the defenders and the. warriors even foregathered at the plsce mentioned at night and compared notes on the day's pot shots. This would have been quite in keeping with the Maori idea of chivalry in war.

Yours sincerely, CHEV. Are there any of our readers who are able to throw light on this matter? » » * STAY-IN STRIKER DEFIES MINISTER. Flage,— 'Ere's my welcome 'ome to you. I 'opes-'n'-trust you'll love it, too. Seein' I can do what I like I've gorn an' staged a stay-in strika, So paste that in your Sundee 'at. I can't be put in jail for that, Nor even rendered limb from limb, Nor am i scared of Tiny Tim, Vho tried to bounce them freezin

chaps, An' got away with it . . . per'aps! If you bring Armstrong to our place I'll slam the front door in hees face. It's me-'n'-you for it, ole dear; No Govermink can interfere, An' if they start to do their worst They'll 'ave to cart me out, 'ead first, So you take warnin' or you'll And I'll punch 'oles in your piece uv mind.

You've lived on my brains since 1

came To 'elp you climb to dizzy fame. I ain't a bit the one to squeal, But 'ave I 'ad, sir, a square deal Outer your 'ands? I'll say I've not, An what thanks 'ave I hever got For all me 'ard-earned loyalty? Nothink, so far as eye can see. The worm 'ath turned. Unless you

come Across with more dibs, I'll go dumb An' let the column sweat as I 'Ave sweated all too long, an* my Thunder-'n'-lighting you 'ave stole . . * May Gawd 'ave mercy oft your sou 11 Nice silky word 6 won't 'elp yOU now, The stay-in strike is on—an' 'ow! WHEN DO I GET A RAISE? That's

plain. Yours truly I do not remain. M. McCLANCY. In the Lane. * * * HEARD THESE?

The following extracts from letters received by the Pensions Committee, London, have been passed on to us lor the further diversion of Postscripters, by a well-known Wellington business man. They will be new to i considerable number of our readers.

I want the congratulation money ort. the death of my husband. t have been wounded. I won't say where in case this falls into the wronu hands.

We have received yours truly, I atu his grandmother and grandfather he was born and brought ud Ift answer to yours. You have changed my little boy into a little girl, will it make any difference? I am glad to say that my husband reported missing is now killed. M.v Bill has been put into charge of a spitoon, will I get more pay?

In accordance with instructions received in Ring paper, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

And while in the Solent my husband found a submarine after wltich he hai never been the same since,