POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXII, Issue 131, 30 November 1936, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

By Percy Flag*.

The Government should drug the taxpayer with some such slogan as "Pay until it no longer hurts." *• «■ *■ Mrs. "Wally"-to-her-friends Simpson is the most talked of woman in the world (not including the Englisjh newspapers). • * * Who. will be the first 'Dreary Dan to rise up and tell the world that the ballooning wool prices signify Armageddon in the offing? <*• . * BEAT THE PISTOL. News note:—"Lord Joiccy began life in an office at forty shillings a week." A fine start. Most of his contemporaries began it in napkins, without a cent. VIC. *t * • NOT-SO-BIG CRICKET. Jack Hobbs, down in the dumps across the Tasman, yearns for a couple of Patsy Hendrens. It took the one and only Patsy Hendren we know to assure England, on the eve of the team's departure, that the M.C.C. eleven had a first-class chance of lifting the Ashes, and he was prepared to make a small wager to that effect. Dear old "Plum" Warner, his back to the wall, said that "We will not be too bad" (in the Tests). It will be just too bad if "Plum" misses his guess. DOPEY DICK. #■•_»■» BOUTS RIMES. , Here is one of these things in a new form—an original idea, so far as we know. We give you the first and last lines, and you fill up the gap. A jelly fish and a porcuplnp, j ...;.. •What do you know about that? Verses may be either four, six, ot eight lines (including the two given). This style is simpler than the conven* tional one and has more possibilities. if «• » HAVE YOU NOTICED IT? Says Dr. Weston A. Price, of the Institute of Dental Research, Cleveland, Ohio, reporting the effects of civilisation among the Maoris: "The present generation of Maoris is .. . quite different in facial design and immunity to tooth-decay from the Maori at the time of the conquest- by the white man. . . . The younger children, in nearly all cases using the modern type of diet, showed progressive narrowing of the features and lengthening of the face, associated with narrowing of the dental arches, crowding of the teeth, and narrowing of the nostrils, with a tendency in many cases to mouth breathing." The pakehas are pulling long faces, too, but that is another story—author Michael Joseph Savage. * * » KNOCKERS' CLUB. E.R.K., Brooklyn: Knock, knock. Who's there? Georgette. Georgette who? Georgette tha pie, mother. Knock, knock. Who's there? Adelaide: .;;Adelaide 'who?' Adelaide an egg and cackled. X.: Knock, knock. Who's there? Humphrey. - Humphrey who? Humphrey Glesca! Knock, knock. Who's there? Ouida. Ouida who? Ouida rather not say, "Camou Flage": Knock, knock. Who's there? Bang, bang! Heavens, I'm shot! "O'L.": Knock, knock. Who's there? Caesar. Caesar who? Caesar—she's drowning! G.C. (aged 13): Knock, knock. Who's there? Owen. Owen who? Owen more than when I came last time. S.E.L.: Knock, knock. Who's there? Oliver. Oliver who? Oliver dither. * « «■ CALLING THE FUHRER'S BLUFF. • Britain's Fascist high panjandrum, Sir Oswald Mosley, is in favour of tha return of all her colonies to Germany. In his flamboyant Nuremberg "proclamation," Hitler rhetorically declared that Germany will never give up her right to possess colonies, adding, in effect, that Germany's, present economic difficulties were due largely to the lack of such possessions. "We cannot cover the shortage of food (he shouted) because we lack vital raw materials." All bluff, my dear Fuhrer. The stark fact is that in pre-war year 3 Germany imported only about 2 per cent, of Jier raw • materials from her colonial possessions, while the total number of her colonists was fewer than 20,000! The real motive for this sedulously cultivated demand is obvious, and Hitler hjmself revealed it. Some taradiddle of a reply had to be made to the growing demand of the German ' workers for an improvement in . ths standard of living. »*■#•* APPEARANCES DECEIVE. See that man in fighting trim, Weapons stuck all over him, Built for battle, you would say, . That's the man of peace today. See the cruiser, long and slim, Guns all bristling, grey and grim, Threatening foeman's life short leasa, Bless you, that's the ship of peace! Navies, armies, nations armed, All alike with Peace are charmed. Didn't good Longfellow deem That things are not what they seem?, A. *.■*'♦ THE BOARD OF MORALITY. Dear Flage,—We have yet another protest emanating from Auckland in regard to nude statuary, this time in connection with a small male figure embellishing the memorial to be . erected to the memory of the lato Leader of the Labour Party. Imagination is strong in the makeup of some persons who are able to visualise in advance the offensiveness to themselves of something which they haven't seen and which has been copied from Nature. There appear to be some illthinking people going about who be-*~ lieve that while they get their souls from God they get their bodies from the Devil. Why don't they see an alienist? This type of fanatic probah.ly wears a cangue when it takes * bath. A cangue is a flat board or col-~ lar about three feet square, made in two halves, which is clamped around the neck of a person undergoing punishment in China; so far as the wearer is concerned it entirely obliterates any visibility of the body. It is recommended for use to all persons who may be sceptical as to the efficacy of ordinary soap, water, and healthy habits, for rendering the human body clean, and who dislike keeping the eyes shut while bathing. . , Yours for nothing, BORED- SCHFfV