POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXII, Issue 99, 23 October 1936, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

By Percy Flace.

It's a safe wager that the Communist candidate lor the Presidency is now convinced that it is better to be egged on than egged off. * ■#.- * ' Aberdeen: There was also the girl . who wished to go to the snooker championship, being under ■ the impression that it was a baby show. * « " ■# Perhaps there would be fewer outbursts against women's artlessness in cooking if tin-openers had never been.invented. •* » - ■♦..-... Barbers in Orange, N.S.W., hay« agreed to eliminate cut-throat compete tion. Sydney's razor-blade gangs r»> main nonchalant ' ~ . j *m# ' ~ • CONSOLATORY PATRIOTISM. When his critical colleagues wer» caustically comparing British performances at the last Olympiad with thosa • of the U.S.A., Germany, and Finland a prominent retired, athlete rose and declared: "I still thank God I'm an Englishman." Heah, heah! Quaite, quaile! CAMOU FLAGE. X- * * HEARD THIS? Dear Old Lady (to granddaughter)r My dear, will you do something for me? I wish you would promise me never to use two words. One is swell and the other is lousy. Would you promise me that? The Girl: Why, sure, granny. What are the words? JACQUES LE SVELTE. Miles from Anywhere. J » ■ « . .'. * NO BITING REMARKS, PLEASE. Some excitement has been caused in snake circles in America by the first recorded case of bonebite from Atlanta, Georgia. A snake playing in the backyard of seventeen-mohth-old Jack Bone was seized by the infurß ated child and bitten with fatal results —to the snake. N.B.—No time should be lost by snakes in the event of their being bitten by children. An incisiort should be made (using a clean safety* razor blade) over the bite, and permanganate of 'potash rubbed into tha wound, and a tourniquet applied. On no account must the snake be allowed to sit down and go to sleep.- Get projl per medical attention as soon as pos*' sible. ;* * ■ '. . * 'appreciation. With the compliments of "99," a box of lilies-of-the-vaUey reached us yes* terday by mail. It was one of those! pleasant surprises which help to takei the sting out of life. When we opened the casket and beheld the fragrant blooms in their rich green sheaths, we no more remembered the income tax usurers, the rates brigands, and the fat young man in the house below who pounds (!) the flugelhorn nightly to ouri great discomfort. The chaste flowers— their feet in wet cottonwool to keep their eyes bright—and the thought behind the gift, made the day happier in every respect. And we mean that, "S9"asks: "What has. become of youc 'star' Postcripters 'Gran' and 'Clarinda'"? We hear from a "Gran" at longish intervals, but there has been; no word of "Clarinda" now for. some months.' Another posted missing is "Tukapa Koko," who, from his coco*; nut haunts in the Cook Islands, postcripted for so long with verve and abandon. *■■ ♦ * BOUTS-RIMES. I'm sorry (writes "Pooh") you put in the word "funny," as it strikes rather a discordant note in my little effort! However, I offer you ast alternative*. Come, buy my wine in bottles blacfe I'll sell you wine for your goocj money, Or ale or hock or rum or sack. Or foaming mead to-make you funnjt My wine you'll, find is rare and olay Come, buy and drink,.for life is flyinjfl Come, drink and live, the day is coldt And men should live while death, S dying. Tj *Or foaming mead of finest hon«g| | To Gordon life looks very black* ffl With Walter in the money, tT! And when our Georgie got the eseUt^ Joe thought it rather funny. Bob's motto, "Let young folks groiC old," Stops; motor-cars from flying, i And now, unless Joe's feet get coIcT» v We'lL watch relief works ■ dying. • NICOLAS CARTER, j This is entitled "The Burglar." ' The silver was tarnished and black, . But it was worth,a great deal of money; . . So he stowed it away in a sack, When, bang! The noise made hint feel funny. The house was creaky' and old, Said he: "I will have to be flying." Then a sight met his gaze, turned him cold—* ■ : ! In a trap a wee mousie lay dying! • M.S. . • •*, ■-■ *■ ■■*•■: ■ "■■ CROONING. We like this, because to..us crooning is one of the primary abominations ot the modern world. The author of this note is "Diogenes the Younger" ("Musical Opinion"):—"Writing on 'crooning*, in the 'Sunday Times,' my esteemed colleague, Mr. Basil Maine, remarks: 'A common objection to the crooner is that the words he sings are twaddle; in other words he has no message.' But what would you have? 'If you are so weak-minded as to switch on to a danca band, you must take the consequences, including the words. Some angry; people write about dance music as if they expected Henry Hall to play foxtrots to the words of T. S. Eliot and Stephen Spender. Probably Mr. Maine did not know, when he wrote these lines, that Mr. Hall, besides being the admirable band director that he, is, is also a master of poetry. Such, however, is the case if we may believe th« 'Daily Express,' which tolls us that Mr* Hall has written both words and music of the officialsignature-tune to be used in all broadcasts from the Queen Mary. The late A. E. Housman produced,-in a lifetime, two slim volumes of verse? Mr. Henry Hall 'jotted down' this masterpiece 'in something like ten minutes, while lading in a deck chair in the garden.' It is good to know that our great liner, which inspired in King George one of his most flawless pieces of English prose, has also stimulated Mr. Henry Hall to a fine flight of poesy. All the majesty of a great ship, all the pride of a great maritime people, are reflected in this superb effort, which I here transcribe in all its glory:— Somewhere at Sea.Somewhere at sea, a liner is somewher* at sea, Bringing to me a traveller who Will build my life anew. He's out on the sea, Sailing to me When shall I see My lover come hbme from the sea? Hurry to me, great liner, for you Can make my dream come true. Whenever [sic] you be Answer my plea Somewhere at sea. Could T. S. Eliot or Stephen Spender have written these linos? No!" Perhaps "All At Sea" would hftjw been a more fitting title for, $86 SitroritjE.—Rl* • '