POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXII, Issue 14, 16 July 1936, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

By Percy Flace.

Further evidence that the world is becoming more bearable is the news that G. B. Shaw is retiring from public life. When a person tells you that he is . going to lay his cards on the table, t the chances are that he has stacked them against you. "Dongio" (who is old enough to ■ know better): That attractive Thornl don advertisement, "Fresh Passions, Is [ Gd, is now challenged by Cuba Street, | with "Beautiful Nights. 3s lid." From ScoUish Country Life"- It was characteristic of the thoroughness : with which Sir Arthur Rose is carry- ' m. gut hjs w°rk as Commissioner for , Distressed Areas in Scotland that, on the occasion of cutting the first sod of the Garnock Valley drainage schema . at Dairy, he took off his coat for the ) job. ' "BRAIN-TEASER." ' In Wellington, a domestic was sen- - tenced to' three months' hard labour 1 for incurring debt of 4s 6d—taxi fare , —(E.P. 9/7/36.) In Auckland, a bank - ci* rk receiv«i six months for theft of £7500. What would the domestic's s sentence have been for a debt of £7500~ , and what would the bank clerk receive , for theft of 4s 6d? ) o Y. RARAPA. INFORMATION DEPARTMENT. . "Constant Reader" (Island Bay).— ; Though we do not remember seeing it . cabled, thai ' Czechoslovakian news , photographer, Lux, who shot himself ,| in the gallery of the Assembly Hall at ; | Geneva, died of his wound. An X-ray , examination showed that he had two . bullets in his chest. One had been ■ there since he fought in'the-war. He was a well-known German-Jewish ; writer as well as a camera expert. . It is believed that he desired to focus the attention of the world on'■- tht plight of his Jewish brethren in Ger- _ many. In a moment of consciousness . Lux declared that he regretted noth- . ing, except that he was leaving hi« wife and son. : ' '■> « n : ; CHIEF ENGINEER. ; When the Queen Mary goes into . dock to have her engines tuned up it , will be a Welshman who attends ta . that matter. His name is Llewellyn Roberts, and what he doesn't know about such things isn't worth talking about. Roberts is chief engineer of the mighty liner, and his one dream is to win the Blue Riband of the Atlantic. Even he cannot compute ; what the Queen Mary can do when going all out, or what her. oil consumption will be at top, but he assumes that her extra speed will require twice as much oil fuel, or thereabouts, as did the Mauretania and Lusitania in their palmiest days. In the case of the Lusitania double the amount of fuel—a thousand tons of j coal—was necessary to lift the ship's speed from 22 to 24 knots.- The Queen Mary is fitted to carry 6300 tons of bunker-oil, and for every drop of oil consumed by her insatiate furnaces Roberts will be responsible. Her propelling machinery is only one of the chief's responsibilities, every infinitesimal detail of windlasses, cranes, winches, power-plants, pumps, and lifeboat engines'comes under his jurisdiction. •.'.■■.- MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. What do I eaten drink? I see That's what some bloke is askin' me. Nice cheek 'c 'as. I tell 'im square My eats-'n'-drinks are my affair— ' Quit,e, absolootely. What's the game? Leg-pullin'? If I knoo hees name An' hees address I'd pull hees nose, An', as the well-known sayin' goes I'd hulch 'im all aroun' the ring Until 'c 'card the birdies sing. The cad! To try an muscle in On our dear 'ome. Nex' he'll begin To wanter know things uv all sorts: If Bill wears hunderpants or shorts?. Who's boss down there? Who pays the rent? {When it is paid). Who is the gent Who gives me tips what don't coma ' true? An' such like int'mate bally'oo. The bare idea! If this doesn't cease I'll 'aye to summons up the pleece. ■' It fairly makes me raven foam To iave the sangity* uv 'ome Hinvaded in this way. I eats What good for me: 'ot-'n'-cold meats. . An' veges, puddin', fishen chips (With tea) —they frequent .pass my lips; An' oysters too (with beer)—My word, 'Ow inwardly am I then stirred! : I also eats stuff what is bad, An' drinks 'em too . . . the nights I've 'ad. The mornin's after, when . . . nuff said. Let the dead past cleave to its dead. The straight-'n'-narrer now for yours Always, both in-'n'-outer doors, Though it means lotsa sacrifice . . . By gosh! Ain't butter jest a price! "Sanctity? . . POSTED . . . MISSING, "Cashen Carrie" (Marton). —A bright idea but not cleverly handled. Worth rewriting. S.P.—(l) No. (2) We shall put yop in' touch with' him. "Olaf" (Karori).—Neat, but the advertising flavour precludes publication. "Mother Machree." —Not quite what we like. Thanks all the same. J.D.S.—First stanza of your ode, "A Dump Like Auckland":— She's not "the Top," nor yet so hot, She's just a dump that other dumps think terrible. •* But in her bounds enough kilowatts lie To make other, towns green and enviable. "Jades." —"The Motueka Dispute" not so neat as your published verses. In any case, there is no dispute down there now. Shaw. —Pshaw! . Why excite yourself over a trifle like that? A.J. (Woburn).—Thanks for that teaser. It is 'new to us. "Golliwog."—That was one of the "star" jests in Cole's Fun Doctor years and years ago. "Zoologist."—We smell a catch in that goat. "Horiri."—You've done better work than that. B.G. (Brooklyn).—When someone tries to rhyme "boat" with "joke" and "fish" with "miss" we get very depressed, and wonder if the game's worth while. • "Vonk."—Arrived just a little too late. "Ours Until Ruins."—Your screed is about as intelligible as your pen-name. "Allanah" (Lower Hutt). —Jingle held for consideration. Thanks. T.H. (Aramoho). —Certain of your facts are astray. Wasn't it Galileo's "crime" that he said the earth revolved around the sun? "Billy Boy."—You mean well,, William, but give up the idea that you can write topical verse. V "Telemachus" (Levin).—(D He was gazing at the portrait of his son.' (We thought every newspaper reader knew that one.) Mrs. Alice M.—Thanks for. clipping It may come In handy later Oft. ;