POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Issue 82, 6 April 1936, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

By Percy Flage.

Chronicle and Comment

' It was Mussolini who was bent on war, but. Haile Selassie seems to be ■ the one who is going broke. * * ; •». . . ■ Add New Zealand artists: Our Prime Minister, who paints such glowing pictures of coming prosperity. If the League of Nations is armed, we should soon see whether, for a change, the sword is mightier than the pen. '■-.-. # » # It is said that the" Germans ar« drinking less beer than they used to. Perhaps it takes less to drown their sorrows these days. ' . . * . ' *. * QUANDARY. If one cannot be certain as to whather one is experiencing a real or imaginary nightmare, how can one ba certain as to whether one is experiencing a real or imaginary awakening? . ' : ' ANXIOUS INQUIRER. .'*■■' * -■ *■; INQUIRY DEPARTMENT. R.D.—The terms, "The ,Ashes," originated in 1882, when Australia for the first time defeated England on English | soil. Australia won by the narrow margin of 7 runs. After the match the "Sporting Times" published the following epitaph:— In affectionate remembrance of English cricket, which died at the Oval on August 29, 1882. Deeply lamented by a large circle of sorrowing friends and acquaintances. . R.I.P. . N.B.—The body will' be cremated and The Ashes taken to Australia. ...'*' * * • NOT SO NOVEL. ; H. E. Richards is somewhat cobp cerned about the following newt which appeared locally the other day. The paragraph tells of a novel hare that was seen in operation at Otahuhu recently:—The hare, a very good imitation of the live animal, was threaded on a wire running around the course. A cycle frame had been up-ended, and the thread attached to the hare was wound around the back wheel. Two stalwarts turned the pedals by hand, and, aided by a 120 gear, managed to keep the hare ahead of its quarry. Our correspondent comments thereon:— The idea is not so novel; it is merely an illustration of the old game ol chasing oneself (on a circular track for preference). The tale of the seagull placing mussels on the bitumen for motor-cars to break is good, but should have been in Column 8 instead of the locals, when it could then have been' appraised at its true value. ./■; ■'■."*' * ■ * ' PRIDE. . ■ ;: These lines are the work of Don Marquis, a New York ' columnist ol long standing and high reputation, boss it is funny to me ■ . the things that people get proud or . i met a flea today , who was all hopped up with self importance. . ■ \ he said he had been up tOythe zoo and had bit a lion.you should have heard him roar said the-flea _ . when i sank my teeth into him plenty of fleas have bit dogs but i guess i am the only flea who ever licked a lion little fellow i said to him don't get so proud probably he never knew you existed more than likely he thought you were only _ a measle breaking.out on him boss i have known : . ' ' ■<.. some human beings who wer« just as foolish as that flea they thought they were heroes when they.were only cinders . in the.eyes of humanity too many- creatures : both insects and humans estimate their own value by the amount of minor irritation they are able to cause to greater personalities than tnent> . selves. '■-",.■ —archy. archy is to Don Marquis what th* lady McClancy is to yours very truly. *'. . * * '- , SOLUTION! That Trustful Bootmaker LostLadies, gentlemen, and mere bloke*, The lacerating suspense is ended. You may put away your headache wafers, wet towels, and ready reckoners, because, as promised, the great secret, is here revealed. The/bootmaker lost the boots and • '43. '■■..■ ' ' 7 That solution is guaranteed, though the Minister of Finance was not consulted in the matter. There is no fear of the Audit Department "tagging it. A mathematical "dud" ourselves, we give you our assurance that the bootmaker lost no more and no less than the boots and the four good shillings— not £1, as so many confident fellows (and fair women) asserted. Over 200 entries were received, including 156 on paper. Thirty-three correct answers were received. "Mabel (Wadestown), the first of her sex to. score, "Miss Josephine" (Tokomaru), Mrs. Hammer (Kilbirnie), "An Old Lady," S.P.S. (Woodville), "Ballance Street" (Johnsonville), \ "Jack the Giant-killer." Scotty Morris, "Ninetynine," S.T.T., "Wenerangi" (or something like that), "Phil Osopher," "Amos Minus Andy," ,"Mug Unemployed Clerk," H.S. (Taranaki Street), No Trouble," "Webb Street Willie," "Silly' (Vogeltown), R.W.R., C. Mmgly, "Steve," "Elastic Sides," W.F.S., "Houzatt," "Rongotai," "M. T. Head, "Homer" (at the Log Cabin in tn« Pines), F.W., "Punka" (in verse), Too Easy" (Wanganui), "Epee," "Nauticus (H.M.S. Wellington), J. Prendergast (Petone), E.R. (Eastbourne), R.G.A, and "Stoney." "Elastic Sides" sums it up persiflageously thus: We're a lowly lot, we bootmakers; always expecting to be at the last, never expecting to reap whera we ■ don't sew, and always . giving a hand to the downrat-heel, but \ think I'd be quite content if I got my pair of boots and the 4 bob change back! There wers a number of other lively answers, but space will not permit their publication. We had quite a lot of fun over the 'phone, too, with_ young ladies of obvious charm (judging by their persuasive and dulcet diction) i •young persons with schoolroom voices, and gruff or confident males of varying ages. "Mum" (Northland), who just "missed the bus," sent us a real cheque for 365-happy days, which we shall entrust with the Baiik of Health and Happiness 7 Unlimited against a rainy day. One man asked: "Can Mr. Flage solve the problem off his own bat?" Deeming that not cricket we declined to answer. According to our statistics, "Rongotai is the most intellectual suburb in this enlightened city: it produced Jour solvers There were none from Hignland Park, The Glen, or Heretaunga. It has been good fun, anyhow, and our gourmand of a w.p.b. is suffering indigestion pains.