POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXI, Issue 37, 13 February 1936, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

«y percy ruvaß

A burglar is another fellow who can "taku it" without whimpering. To qualify for a place in a Himalaya expedition a fellow has to know the ropes. » « • One cause of England's Rugby defeat by Ireland was the bottling-up of Obolensky. You can't always put your trust in princes. f: # * If that Geneva Committee has th« facts right, Italy won't have any oil to spare for pouring on troubled water*. ' -a # ' # . An English Sunday newspaper makes this distinction: The inspiring fact that dominates golf is that it is a game for [ gentlemen and. gentlewomen to play. The others who play it need not b« considered. , * « • ' TRANSLATION. Published just as received:— , Two souls with but a single thought, . Two hearts that beat as one. Translation (by Maria Lovell) ot Yon Munch Bellinghausen's (180fr '■ 1871):— Zwei sellen und em gedanke, Zwei herzen und em schlag. ("Ingomar the Barbarian," Act II). » * ■> ; HOW IT WAS DONE. ' •. About the time when Mr. Percy ' Flage would probably be reporting a Test match at the Sydney Cricket \ Ground, and Bob Crockett was- the umpire, a certain high church dignitary ! —it may have been "Sam Mary Smith" —would have been seen either down' lower George Street or Sussex Street \ testing and tasting for himself the ' t merits of a 4d three-course meal, which, the following Sunday he described to ! his fashionable congregation as excel- | lent. However, there was one side j of the transaction he was totally unL acquainted with; and that was: what. [ happened if you had no 4d? Only* male waiters were employed, and th» . ; said 4d had to be paid when soup . was served, failing which the waiter . deftly removed all trace of soup from . the plate with one swift move' of a large syringe. Then out you went. No fuss —just a plain matter of efficiency in an emergency. WILL-GEE. Erua. * ■» » CHEERFUL ABSURDITIES. Dear sir,—Column Eight has always been an attraction for me. Your latest, "Height of Ridiculousness," tickles my, fancy, as I have just received twa> samples. Government that expects an incom* tax return from a relief worker oni i two days a week. Government that assesses same relief I worker's income at £260 a year. : What a glorious time we could get ; on that, seeing they allow me £210, ■ making £50 taxable, on which they; 1 think I owe them £1 19s 9d. May they, ■ get it!— Yours sincerely, EILEEN. Kilbirnie. From M. T. Payte: Breeding a new brand of mosquitoe« with which to sting elephants to death. The managing director of an arma-ment-making firm who writes poem* to peace in his spare time. * Ducoing hippopotami with an enamel in order to prevent them getting pneu* monia. • " Presenting a vain spinster of 60 withi a crane for lifting her face. Equipping centipedes with " Mr, Semple's running shoes. Hitler refusing to be tried by a jewr/; of his own peers. ■■'■'■ ;> ■ ■- L ' " ■ . . :. ; MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. ; Things don't look good in Europe dear, , Judgin' from what you read-'n'-'ear. The paper's full uv war's alarms, - > 1 An' Britain's buildin' up 'er harms In case some silly coot goes mad j An' raises Sheoil; ain't it sad?. . They talk uv pipin' times uv peac* 1 ! When what is wanted is the p'leece, ' The Fire Brigade an' stink bombs, to«^ , To out the whole dictator crew ' From Musso to the Furore, and . Pack 'em straight to Helgoland. I I shiver like a aspirin leaf , At night to think uv all the grief ' Them blokes who think they're Chris* t mas bring On everyone an' everything. . Lucreature Borzoi 'ad a way i With tryants like that in 'er day. [ Now tell me were is fancy bread, r As Shakespeare (was it Shakespeare'^ said \ . When strollin' down a English lane, , > Suff'rin', no doubt, a tummy pain Through eatin' uv too much—the oaf!-^ . Uv a plain, 'omely, doughy loaf. Looks like to me, ole thing, we'M ! slippin' Back to a dite uv bread-'n'-drippin', . i With, as a treat, a Irish stoo, [ If what the crickets say is true. [ Any'ow crickets as a class " . : Are mostly a gregarious ass; . Their party, they will tell you pat, ■ 'As all the brains beneath its 'at, Which I believed when I was younger, An' torn with doubt and thin wita 'unger. But better times is 'overin' round,.. * When is our noo King to be crowned!] * • • . ■ NEWS ODDITIES. Here's a strange story from Chicago, Mr. W. H. Westphal was the prisoner of the deputy sheriff, and he was to b« brought over 1000 miles to face trial at Brownsville, Texas. Westphal's wife hid his trousers mi the hope that the sheriff would be tod embarrassed to escort a trouserlesf prisoner. "That's where she was wrong," say| the sheriff. "The passengers on the train sniggered a bit, but it didn't bother me. I felt sorry for Westphal at one placo though, where we had to walk a quarter of a mile to change trains. It was almost freezing." But it wasn't the cold that made th« prisoner red! Mr. Max Schneider, New York, sent a cheque gift of £10 to the Ethiopian Red Cross. The cheque was drawn in the Emperor's name. It returned bearing the Negus • endorsement on the reverse side. Mr. Thomas Q. Lempertz, of Cleveland, Ohio, sent a cheque, too. It has returned with rubber stamped endorsement. "To think that one of the last absolute monarchs uses a rubber stamp! he cries. "I badly wanted the signature as a souvenir." If America ever creates a Monarchy they'll need a' fast writer! A murder trial was in progress -ittthe Circuit Court at Mount Clemens. Michigan, when a portly member or the jury stooped too abruptly/There was a noise of rending. The embarrassed juror appealed to a bailiff, who informed the Judge ot the disaster. The Judge signed an order for £1 and instructed the bailiff to escort the juror to a tailor. The trial was resumed an hour later. The £1 will be deducted from the juror's pay. The decorum of th« courtroom is unimpaired; but in futurt they won't catch him-bending!