POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXX, Issue 133, 2 December 1935, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGII

It is understood that several members of Cabinet are feeling terribly put out over something. ■■> « * You can imagine the Japanese taxpayers frothing to get at the sage who coined that aphorism: In times of peace prepare for war. Mr. Savage has the plans for a nice Utopia, but he still has to p/ocure the material and assemble the parts. • • -> • "Bolivar" thinks that that photograph in Saturday's "Post" suggested a dry "wake" rather than a Cabinet meeting. *'* . • Science knows about the stars 200,000,000 light years away, and photons and electrons, but it is only just beginning to find out something about headaches and common colds. ** ' * ABOUT TURN! (i On election night Mr. Savage said: "Ladies and gentlemen, you have nothing to fear." Is Mr. Savage unmindful of the fact that now we have to face the millennium? R.J.P. • • • CIRCUMSTANCES ALTER CASES. Dear Percy Flage,—This is ?. memorised version of a par that appeared some years ago in the "Man About lown" column of the "Star": The Joneses had rented their home for the holidays, and on their return were sadly taking stock. "Look at ify poor curtains," moaned Mrs. Jones Never mind; we'll get some more - said Jones, consolingly. "The dishes are cracked, and the carpets are ruined "Now, don't go upsetting yourself over trifles," Jones counselled calmly. "Leave it to me; I'll fix everything up." Wherewith the man of the house wandered outside. He pranced back in a fine rage. "What do you think," he roared, "the blank blankety blanks'have pinched my chopping block!" MOTHER EVE. * • • OLD ENGLISH. Dear Flage,—ln reply (with congratulations) to "Winifred N's." referencs to the old English meark ot mark: Win, meet the local Mark. Mark —Win: The old English gentleman may have been a wizard on his day, but the local lad' was also a wizard, and doesn't live in Kaiwarra, either. However, Mark brought back a pair of football boots from South Arfic* which he valued very highly on account, I suppose, of • the kick he used to get.out of them. (Subtle, Flage, subtle!) Anyhow, ask Benny Osier. Well, the other evening Mark came home just in time to see his good lady handing out the old "scrapers" to a bloke on sustenance. Ses Mark: Hey. Mum, you're not giving my boots away, are you? Mum says: Omar Kyam! Now, Win, it's up to you. Any othat old English name you know? BINDY. # * « x "PYKNICS." ' We have been thinking over that "School's In" "pyknic" par, being ona of Pharaoh's lean kine ourselves. -A "pyknic" is a fat boy or man, girl, or woman, according to the scientists. They never develop into Olympic champions, but their obesity has helped in such an athletic enterprise as the Channel swim. But the fat boy; at school need not envy the trig figure of his colleagues. He may taka comfort from the fact that Joffre, Hindenburg, and Ludendorffi were fat men when they.were doing some of their best strategic thinking. We imagine, too, ttiat Chesterton was a tubby lad, and, as one commentator puts it, he is enough, by himself, to light the fires' of ambition in the heart of all the "pyknic" boys and girls everywhere, "for Chesterton's is one of the most flame-like minds of his time," as the literary world acknowledges. Then there is G.K.s good friend, Hilaire Belloc, himself a great writer and thinker. The two must: be among the most orotund authors of the day.- Yet the capers they cut would do credit to a couple of sylphs from the gayest ballet. Lastly, if you are ,girl-abnormally fat, who knows but what you may rise to "star" in a gay circus and lap up ice cream to your heart's content. * * # ■ PRAYER. This serious verse (author unnamed) is republished here because "An Old Lady," the sender, would like others to see it. Lord of all pots and pans and things, since I've no time to be A Saint by doing lovely things, on watching late with Thee, Or dreaming in the dawnlight,. or storming Heaven's gates, Make me a saint by getting meals and washing %up the plates. Although I must have Martha's hands, I have a Mary mind; And when I black the boots and shoes. Thy sandals, Lord, I find. ■ I think of how they trod the earth, what' time I scrub the floor. Accept this meditation, Lord, I haven't time for more. Warm all the kitchen with Thy lovai and light it with Thy peace; Forgive me air my worrying and mak«i ' all grumbling cease. Thou who didst love to give men food, in room, or by the sea, Accept this service that I do, I do i| unto Thee. ♦ ♦ • "DON'T TITTER." Japan, like New Zealand, is sparing no trouble to make the travelling foreigner feel at home. The Japanese Board of Tourist Industry has just issued a little booklet entitled "Ho\V, to Behave Before Foreigners," which lays down a thirteen-point code 08 etiquette for Japanese women and girl attendants in hotels, restaurants, and other places frequented by foreign tourists. Among other things the bookies, says:— Do not whisper among yourselves or titter in the presence of foreigners. Don't imitate fancy gestures learned at the cinema; which wilt only excite disgust on the part of foreigners. Don't ask a foreigner's age unless it is absolutely required. Light pranks add zest to your service; but don't pull people's ears. Don't eat bananas without cutting them up. Don't suck your fingers or form a circle with your thumb and forefinger. Don't go as far as the door when you direct foreigners to the lavatory. Don't go into the bathroom whea foreigners are bathing to ask whether the temperature of the water is just right or to help them wash themselves.

Large napkins should be offered to foreign ladies, so that they may hldt their knees when sitting.

Japan is steadily gaining In popiv larity as a tourist country, partly b*> cause of the depreciated currency. ±