POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXX, Issue 117, 13 November 1935, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

'Chronicle and Conunent

BY PERCY- FLACT. Add similes: As frustrated as a bowlegged wrestler trying to apply a scissors hold. « ♦ * Labour seems to have packed everything into' its cornucopia. except a sense of humour. *. * * Many Parliamentary aspirants please the electors from the.platform, but on polling day the electors please1 them* I selves: - • * ♦ * The Adowa Abyssinians were thrilled" by the naval and military manoeuvres shown on the screen, but wait'till they see the Garbo in a passionate catcb-as-catch-can with Lon Chaneyi * • • THE SPEED CRANK. . | Mark how the speed-enamoured crank : , Delights in homicide, And seeks the next pedestrian With whom he can collide. • ♦ ♦ RJP- ; 'fun in the news'. From a Middle West weekly: Vincent was arrested Saturday by Evanston police on a charge of drinking while intoxicated. Clipped from a Midland (Eng.) jour* OFTEN MISPRONOUNCED: Architect. Pronounce ar-ki-tekt, a asi ,h an' aoietaoshrdetaoshrAO as in ah, i as in it, accent-first syllable, and not arch-i-tekt. Says a Western Australian sheet: • Alfred Winstone, of Taralba, had ths misfortune of getting hurt on his back and chest while milking this morning when a cow kicked. We wish her a speedy recovery. * * \ FAVOURITE SOUNDS. J Dear Percy Flage,—As I notice you ' have lately been having an orgy oi | "favourite smells" in your column, may I be allowed to .introduce some of my ! favourite sounds? A thrush tapping a snail on the asphalt in the early morning. Tnree-year-old with his mouth organ. The postman's whistle. - ; The clatter of china in a tearoom. Heavy rain at night when snug in bed. • ■ ■■■:■. A neighbour's lawn mower on a summer evening. A good tenor voice. Neighbour's cat at 3 a.m. (?) Oars in the rowlocks-on a hot night. ■ A whitebait man. May I also thank you for the enjoyment I have" had from your column. Yours faithfully, GRATEFUL. ' And now for the next list, please. ♦ • ♦ • • " NEW DEAL ARITHMETIC. The New Deal involves a new;' system of mathematics as exemplifiedby the following story of a recent Cabinet meeting at the Capitol, Washington. President Roosevelt was said to" have asked' the Secretary of the Treasury how much was available for relief projects. "Twenty-eight billion dollars," was the reply. "Excellent," said the President;' "that is just enough for thirteen seven-billion-dollar projects." "How so?" queried Secretary Mor» genthau. ."Simple,1' said the President. "Divide 7 into 28. Seven into 2 won't go. Seven into 8 goes once. Subtract 7.from 28, which leaves 21, and 7 into 21 is 3; thus it is 13." Secretary Morgenthau began to multiply it out. "Seven times 3 are 21 and 7 ones are 7. Seven plus 21 are 28— correct," he answered. The Secretary of Agriculture began to double check the figures. He used simple addition. He wrote down seven thirteens and said: '-'By adding all the ones and then all the threes I find it equals seven thirteen-billion-dollar projects." So, convinced by careful control checks, out of 28,000,000,000 dollars came seven thirteen-billion-dollar relief projects. «■ * * NO NEWS OF SMITHY. While the stars of midnight glisten On his lone flight o'er the foam, Shall we no more wait to listen, "Has Kingsford Smith reached home?" There are men for the corn and cattle, There are men for the writer's chair; But this was the man for battle With the powers of the air. Wild Nature hissed defiance Against his conquering path; But the man of the Eagle-science For long bore down her- wrath— Above the clouds and under, With the lightning and the snow, The battering wind, the thunder, And the yawning gulfs below. On earth, the laurel bitter, And the lurid light of fame; To ride the air were fitter For the Eagle none could tame. No last words have been spoken; Has he fought to the great release? Has the wild, free soul—wings brokenThrough the tempest won to peaceT Who dare to be so driven On paths but heroes know, Their sins shall all be shriven, Their fame washed white as snow. A. DOLE SERIAL. Dear Percy,—Since writeing you last I have not made a pour-chin. I am on the dole but not settled down to the regulation's yet. That dole house is very confusing when you kick off. There must'be hundreds of windows to go to they keep sending one to different windows up stairs and down stairs and you have to keep coming and going nearly every other day. Well I got me 14s. I have had it a few days now. but I am afraid to have a countup this morning as every time I put me and in me pocket I seem to always bring up a penny. I mentioned it to my mate Horace and he said, well Osie when you get down to your last few bob go and get a plate of soup. So I goes down to a soup house and had me first plate of soup. Out I cornea and I sees Horace sitting on a seat with people that looked to me as if they were all just sitting there waiting to be sent for. Horace said to me well how did you like the soup. I said ?ee wiz it is weak Horace oh well Osie Horace said you want to get there early because if there are a lot waiting at the finish the cook just sling's another couple of buckets of water in because he must make it go round. As I only have to pay Is now dole levy I plonks me deener down on the counter of the G.P.O. but the clerk said to me that's no good you must have your levy book stamped first at Buckle Street so I will have to find out the window today I said to Horace ere were do you get them blankets and boots what window aye you to go too he said you must be on the dole a while before you get them. You see Percy if I get blankets and boots all brand noo and me scup I will be improving my position in life and a course the 14s a week as well. I will come down to the Post and look at the war noose. (To be continued.) O.P. I Lyall Bay.