POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXX, Issue 52, 29 August 1935, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

By Percy Flace.

Now, Mr. Coates, what about a relief programme for the taxpayers? * * -;:- It would be little use flying to the moon, anyhow, because there are no filling stations there. . i *' ■ * - . « ■' It will be a sad business for those of Alberta's optimists who have spent that 25-dollar bonus in anticipation. When man studiedly reduces Avheat pr6duction he calls it planned economy. When Nature follows suit he culls it a blight. It is shortsighted of Haile Selassie's shock troops to refuse to wear boots of any kind, because there is likely to be a lot of broken glass in and about Addis Ababa when the bombers ai> rive. • «« ' * IRREPRESSIBLE. It's just like Mr. Billy Hughes To push himself , Into the n,-wa. LOST PLEASURES. From "Amos-'n'-Andy":— Restaurants without. second-rate "oi* chestras.'' A new Sherlock Holmes story The old hurdy-gurdy (with or'without the monkey). The silent film. The feel of a sovereign instead of • grubby bank nbte. Those good old music-hall nights. Lying on my stomach in front of » winter fire. Watching the travelling draper unpack his bundles. : : . . , Sneaking 'a ride on the back of the mail-coach. . Tying my first yellow whipcord on to my first rawhide stockwhip. '-V * * -■•- • ■■*■ A DREYFUS; MEMORY^ The death of Dreyfus (writes a correspondent to the."Manchester Guardian") recalls an amusing incident My brother, -who was a journalist in Paris at the time of the. Dreyfus-Zola trouble, was one day giving lunch in a restaurant to a brother journalist from the United States. At the end of the meal he asked his guest if he.would take any cheese. The-man replied: "Yes, I don't mind some Gorgbnzola/* Instantly a : Frenchman, who was'sifc ting at a neighbouring table, went straight up in the air, shook both fists passionately above ' his head, and shouted, "Zola! A bas Zola! Conspuez Zola!" The American looked at him coldly and said, "Sit down, you born fool! I'm talking about cheese!" * ■«-.■■■.* POLAR BEARS ENJOY HEAT WAVES. "... : That interesting photograph of the London Zoo's new treasure, the okapi, recalls several little-known facts relating to occupants of that noble institution. The zoo monkeys, when they take a bath, employ a means of progression combining the crawl and the breaststroke. .The sea lion swims almost entirely with, its paddle-shaped fore limbs, using the hind only for steering, and that method is favoured by the polar bear. This fellow,'by the way, rarely frequents the water, and dreads a..midwinter: plunge,', even when tempted by food..';:, He, ; knd.. dthpr of the zoo's honest swimmers,'" are never as happy in winter, as "in summer,' and during.a heat ~ wave,' when other inhabitants of the zoo are suffering and seeking the shade, the polar bears may be observed deliberately lyini out in the full glare of th« midday sun. A captive porpoise covered over 25,000 miles during a year's stay in the Brighton Aquariuni. In that marathon it. was known to use its side flappers only in turning corners. » .* ■ '■ *: MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. Well, what's the noos? I think you'd call The hatmospere helectrical, With polertics. The Demmercrats, Whose 'cads too big to fit their 'ats, Is thund'ring like, a hempty tank What someone tumbled down a bank: It's lightnin', dearie, seems to be. - Round about 22 g.p.* Though Mr/ Veitch thinks that it is The whole Allroarer Borralis— "' Or how you say it. Forbes-'n'-Coates-Is busy strengthenin'the votes So none can't split 'em ..with a haxe^ By once more facin' up to fac's, " ' An' promisin' things thick-'n'-fast. They never thought uv in the past, While Labour guarantees the farmert Prosperity ... in silk pyjamas. It's luverly listenin'. to the shouts An' snortin's uv the ins-'n'-outs. Each of 'em claims, world without end.They are prosperity's best friend, ' Each claims the secret of the 'old To lay ole man Depresh out cold. All that they want from you-'n'-me Is jest the hoppertunity To show all ages an' all sorts They're Codlings, and not shingle Shorts. • Some of it's serious, lots is bluff, The ole familiar bullswool stuff, For them what thinks there's somethink in it— ■■'■'■■-. . ' There's two uv them born every minute, An' they, I'm sorry for to find. Keeps reproducin' uv their kind, Takin' no thought, dear, uv the morrer .... 'Ere's death to sinnin', sweat-'n'-sorrer. "Glow-worm powerl * ' ■' * ' « "'. .' WAR REMINISCENCE—No. 4. Thus Sandy Hamspuckle, my Caledonian fellow-trader and teller of tales. "Aye, whusky's good, an' so are wummun an' song forbye, but water's aye more powerful than botV sometimes. I mind the time when me an' a few o' the Foosilier laddies was oot on listenin'-post one night,, an* rainin' like Hades, too, an' us aye fearin' Fritzie'd see us an' send over a few presents made in Germany. I was layin' as flat as I could, but ma body was doon v an' ma head up. ;I found a hole as big as a thimble, an' put ma nose in it, an' wished I'd been Noah. Aweel, the rain slacked a wee. an' stopped. We could hear the Jerries ; wissickin' roond, as thick as a political meetin'. I feels for the sergeant an' the boys,- an' finds naethin'. I'd gone an' lost 'em in the dark. An' then I puts ma hand on a Jerry waterbottle (ye ken weer the type), an' finds it full. I clasps it tee ma paunch, an* creeps off. An' then Fritzie spots me, an' sends enough old iron doon tae start a junk yard, an' lights enough tae look like Guy Fawkes night. Sac I bolted for oor wire, when plonk! Ma belt busts an' J lose ma nether gear. Aweel, I kept on, an' chucks masel' intae oor trench like deliverin* a cwt o* coals. When I gets up from ma Grecian Bend an' the firm' stops I find ma. tunic's ripped.an'-ma belt cut through, an' ma wee kiltie absent from, inspection. The Jerry waterbottle's there, nathless. An* then I feels ma side. A big bruise. In the bottie was a big lump o" bomb that Jerry's wee giftie had stopped, an'saved masel' from a more serious leakage. Since then I've ta'en nae whus'ky wi" ma water, an' very little water wi* mt whusky. '■...-. ... .-.■-•.: : TUKAFA KOKO; Mangaia.. Cook Islands, . ■ • ■