POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXX, Issue 48, 24 August 1935, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

By Percy Flage,

In her heart of hearts, Italy's ambition is not a bigger place in the sun but & more expansive area on the map. */ * * In the interests of big English cricket, what is urgently needed is an improved system of selecting the selectors. * '* * In relation to the spell-binding Mr. Aberhart, Major Douglas must feel that he has been derated to,the honorary rank of batman. * - '*"■#■ As our relief workers will presently realise, any Government is more benevolent in election year. It's just one of those coincidences ".■.'#/ *■. * : •;'.." : If our Mayor is the Democrat leader, and if he fails to find a safe seat, he could always emulate the Duke bl Plazatoro, and lead his forces from behind. . ~ -. _ .«■ . ■ * :■•*■■■-" -. "- - We seem to remember that Yehudi Menuhin's father, who is complaining of the "terrific taxation" on visiting artists, told a "Post" reporter here that his gifted son was travelling to see the world, not to make money. . . > '■ . • '■: "V . ;-; • - SCREWING THE SCRUM. Heard this? The witty Irish cleric Father Healy, when asked by one of his flock what was the difference between the . Cherubim and the Seraphim replied in his delicious brogue, "Well, I believe there used>to be i difference at one time between them, but they have made it up now:■"' ■ R.J.P. ILLUMINATING... . = Dear Flage,—Considering myself a . normally sane citizen anxious to comply with all. regulations and bylaws put over, around, and across us, I. secured my brake certificate early, b.ut was somewhat disconcerted to find .that this document was a head-light- certificate also. ' ■■■ .'■■■. WINSH. *..-■.- *■ , • -■' ANOTHER QUAINT WAGER. These wheelbarrowthons and tha like prompt E.C.H. to forward a cutting which tells of a quaint wager made in England over a hundred years ago, when such wagers were common: " ■ Sir John Lade bet Lord Cholmondeley a considerable sum that ha would carry him on his* back twice round the Steine, and a great crowd attended to witness "this extraordinary feat of^the dwarf carrying the giant." When the moment for the contest came, there was a pause, and then Lord Cholmondeley asked what the other was waiting for. Sir John said that He was waiting for his lordship to strip. "I engaged to carry you," he said, "but not an ounce of clothing; so, my lord, make ready and let ua not disappoint the ladies." • His Lordship seems to have paid up, possibly; with a smile in the Shylock manner.' **. . * SCHOOL'S IN. ;': •Do you know that—, 1. Ataturk, the name given to Mustapha Kemal, the . Turkish •'. Dictator,means "First Turk"? T '" ~' 2. The famous golfer, Harry Vardoh" played two years without1 .being off the fairway once? .■ : .i_ ' :j ■,-. _; ; ;. I - i -s ;£ 3. A 7.2-year-old. i man,_^vio was/too old to fly during the war, has qualified for his civil pilot's, licence, arid* "is today the oldest and keenest, autogir'o pilot in Britain? '. ■ ' -v. : .-: :r ■ 4. Five of Britain's biggest battleships, Queen Elizabeth, Malaya, Barham,'Valiant, and Warspite, are "to be scrapped in the next five years? B.The six Imeson brothers,:'of"Han« well, England, who formed a dance iii their leisure, have won over 80 medals, 34 silver cups, and scores of diplomas? 6. Yefim Korzun, piano tuner at the Leningrad Conservatoire, is still tuning pianos on the eve of his ■ hundredth, birthday? 7. A hen belonging to a Bradford (England) farmer recently laid four round eggs a little smaller than a golf! ball? 8. Taffy VI, mascot of the Welsh! Regiment, always kneels when tha' National Anthem is played? 9. The name of the newly-ap-pointed postmaster at Haiti is Mr, David Kaphokohaakimlokewoosaknemajhanok? ■ 10. The latest thing in Continental sun hats is one which, when not being worn, turn's into a carry-all for bathing wraps and. towels? * * * BALLADE OF LOST ROMANCE. (Suggested by that Lost Pleasures ' feature in Column 8.) Cars of all sizes, shapes, and sorts, From the old Tin Liz to the limousine, Pertinent "babies" and slinky sports, Gulping down gallons of benzine— These, we say .without peeve or spleen, Are all very well, as such things go. But none of such can compare, we ■ween, With the four-hors'd coaches of Cobb and Co.The yak that seldom or never snorts Is a mount of temperamental mien. The jinricksha, which brown boys in shorts Drag round to pleasure fat men and lean, Palanquins fit for a coal black queen—• These can be; thrilling, as most folk know, But what of a ride by a sheer ravine With the four-hbrs'd coaches of Cobb and Co:! Sheiks, so Ethel M. Dell reports, - Prefer to any h.p. machine - The oont who laps up quarts and quarts' Of aqua pur'a (or aqua green); Some go crazy on 'planes that preen Swift wings the heavenly, floor below; But what of a trip with sweet seventeen In the four-hors'd coaches of Cobtl and Co.! Princess, pardon a poor has-been, But Life's grey ashes take on a glovr From thoughts that traverse the years between Of the four-hors'd coaches 'of Cobb and Co. * # *. WHOLLY WEDLOCK. It is Louis Blake Duff, a Canadian wit, telling us: There are some dull prosaic men who do say things about -the marriage state that are not pleasant. It was a Cockney who asked, "What is martrimony £>ut agivin' o' tiarf o' your grub to get the other harf cooked?" And even more cruel than that was what a Scotsman said. He observed that in his long life he had experienced seven boils but only one of the seven was in a satisfactory geographical position. That one was on his wife. And in the Bible it says—and Bill Houck will correct me in this if I misquote because. I haven't got my Testament with me—"Man, born.of woman oi married to one is few of days and filled with trouble." But I tell- you, boys, if you marry the right woman, there is nothing like it. If you marry the wrong woman, there is nothing like it either. ■ ' ■ ■ %■■ :