POSTSCRIPTs

Evening Post, Volume CXX, Issue 42, 17 August 1935, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTs

Chronicle and Corhrtierii

By Percy FlagW '■

Lubrication trouble is no monopoly! of the engine. The man at the wheel' occasionally suffers that way, too. I Anyway, the fact that that Hobart! eccentric left a/fortune is some proof! that she hadn't altogether gone to the dogs. * * ♦ ■•■- | A, Christchurch daily predicts a' warm and hearty reception for Messrs.! Forbes and Coates when they return.! We hope the boys don't make it tooi hot for them. ! On his return home the late Public! Service Commissioner said, through,' his secretary, that he wished to hear,! see, and say nothing. A penny for! your thoughts, Mr. Verschaffelt! " i *■ * » LITTLE SCOTS LIMERICK. ■ "Borrowed" from an overseas daily,; Jean McGowan, an Aberdeen lassie, ; Went rinkin', an' found the ice; glassy,' An 'ere very lang She went doon wi'a bang An' sustained severe shock to the' chassis. * AND NO WONDER. \ Dear Percy,^-Here's a good story of » recent remark in Parliament. i During a debate on'the statistics of maternal mortality a lady member'" said:— "Mr. Chairman, we've had ante-natal treatment and post-natal treatment' I and still our figures don't improve!" . And she wondered why the Hous« roared! London. * * .. , • AESOP UP TO DATEi ~r?'L a second-*ate planet (writes' Whidden Graham) there lived some1 people who found themselves in soma' distress .because of an over-production! of everything that they'needed. Thetri all-wise lawmakers, chosen • becausa' they could talk the loudest and long-j est, consulted the augurs and -wer<? told'that the fundamental cause of allthe country's industrial and financialtroubles was the mass of privilege, creating class legislation that had beea enacted for the benefit of special in. terests. Whereupon the all-wise legist lators proceeded to enact a lot mora foolish laws. * * • LIGHTNING. That cosmic electrical blaze last evening recalls the story of the man' who chased lightning unsuccessfullyl for 28 years before he managed to1 catch it on a photographic plate. We1 refer to Professor Sir Charles Vernon' Boys, F.R.S., LL.D. He designed and made a camera by' himself in 1900 for that purpose. It; has a pair of lenses four inches apartj which revolve on a wheel geared in! such a way that it can be rotated at a' terrific pace. For years the lightning] flashes eluded the scientist. Then one' night, during a severe midnight storm,' he jumped from his bed, took the camera to the window, and obtained! N the first lightning photograph by which a flash could be graphed in de-! tail from start' to finish and its prrw gress determined. "\; ,*. / _* ~;♦„!" ' ir~ SCHOOL'S IN~ \ ■Do you know that— (1) There is a frog "farm in Newt South Wales, and a butterfly farmland? snake farm an Queensland? (2). Last year sales of canHv an*

(1) There is a frog "farm in New South Wales, and a butterfly farmland? snake farm an Queensland? (2) Last year sales of candy and chocolates in the U.S.A. totalled1 1,299,103,4101b? ) (3) A draughtboard made of black' and white tiles and covering an areEf of 36ft has been laid doW in Totteri-1 ham, England? ■ (4) Pet, a white Spitz dog, has be* come heir to 'a. 25,000-dollar trust set'! up by an. elderly Chicago spinster? (5) John Gladstone left to G^ O. MJ close on £ 600,000, which: was derived! from his slave-worked sugar and coffee' plantations in Demerara? (6) The .highest tip ever given in London was £250, paid to a head, waiter by an American, in recognition, of the fact that he had been well looked after and pulled off a £45,00O:: deal during lunch? , (7) You can secure the services of' a first-rate London Criminal Bar law-'1 yer for'.Joo guineas, or a Chancery' Bar lawyer for 200 guineas? (8) A baby has been born in Kims-' zentmiklos, Hungary, with a complete set of 32 teeth? (9) A thirteen-year-old lad of Bat. tersea stands 6ft lin, weighs 16 stone, and is a fine all-round athlete? (10) Not so long ago Polish manufacturers received,, orders from England for 12,000,000 berets at prices ranging from twopence to threepence each? . - • ■■,*.• BALLADE OF A LAGGARD ABSENTEE. We know quite lots of useful things, Such ;as 5 equals 2 plus 2 " (Sometimes);. that riches all . have wings— Except when one is well-to-do; That figs on thistles never grew— Which is, of course, plain , common sense; But this we do hot know—do you? • Where is our old friend Confidence? We know the saw that clowns • andkings Alike must come to dust is true, Where bumble bees secrete their stings, That lumbering seacows do not moo, That Papal Bulls, if old or new,- . Cannot crash down the farmyard fence, But this we do not ■■'know—do you? " Where is our old friend Confidence? Sour Fortune's arrows and its slings—We know well how they pierce one through, - Tis common knowledge that the gnu Is not gnews till, with mad halloo, It chases men down the Karroo— A gnuisance, and a rank offence, •• But this we do not know—do you? Where is our old friend Confidence? Prince, for the love of Mike (hurroo!>; Keep us no longer in suspense; We simply must find out from you Where is our old friend Confidence. • V • MATTER OF ETIQUETTE. Girl motorist's alibi—No. 2. She was summoned at Highgate (England) / last month for exceeding the speed limit of 30 m.p.h., and this is how she explained matters to the Magistrate: "I definitely did more than ■■ 30:* ' You see there was a car in front of me doing about 27 miles an hour, and the driver of this car was one of those persons who deliberately go about preventing people from passing them. And I did so want to pass him because he was going ever so slow, and to overtake him I had to put on a great big spurt." The Bench suggested that if the driyer of the other car was doing - only 27 m.p.h. she could have passed him without exceeding the limit. "Oh, yes," said her ladyship. "But to keep within the limit would have me=>nt passing him terribly slowly, and you can't really pass anybody terribly slowly—it's not done." The hardhearted Magistrate fined the naive on« 20s and endorsed her licence.