POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIX, Issue 152, 29 June 1935, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Commtnt 8Y PERCY FLAGS That Labour suggestion at the National Dairy Conference of a guaranteed price for butterfat had buttertu in reception. » •» a News of the Liberal triumph in' the ' Niew Brunswick election should put rai'w heart ftito Lloyd George and our " o«j/n Prime Minister. •x- 1 « ■« . 'If Italy should get militarily mv- « lved with Ethiopia, what an opport unity for Hitler to press Nazi, attentikins on a hapless Austria! « » « . House of Commons has decided to scrap that scrip issue pro jecit of Major Douglas, which leaves So<j ial Credit still well on the debit sid«v • . *«• * ■ . COLD COMFORT. It d oes not cheer us up a bit ' I\> have a half-wit say: ' "Thie weather always gets like this Ajfter the shortest day;" ' ■ ■ » ■• * DIVERTING HEADLINES. /tli this column has periodically prowed, newspaper headlines can be unfittingly diverting. One of the classical/examples that has gone on record is the one attributed to a London ; daily'ori- the occasion of the theft of '• the jlscot Gold Cup. Mark Twain, who was visiting London at the time, told American audiences on his return that on ljis arrival in the Old Country a newspaper placard announced: ;MARK TWAIN ARRIVES. A SCOT GOLD CUP STOLEN, The i story deserves to be true. And, as a a natter of fact, the .cup, beautiful as it Hooked, hadn't enough gold in. it to te:mipt a high-class crook. ■ ■* ■ ♦ ...* Anti-climax. This story is not exactly engaging, but it has a moral. It is taken from "The pacific Islands Monthly," a journal pa^ sed on by a friend who knows the trog'ics. "No names, no pack drill" (begins;' the raconteur), but here's one with a peculiarly sinister twist to its tail. Afpropos the Hatai's round of inspectioia. in the Cook Group, the visiting officials were entertained by a certain Rtu'udentAgent at an excellently, cooked «and served dinner. The following imorning a medical parade was held witjh the object of discovering any. cast*3 of (leprosy on the island. Out of tB ie whole population only one affected pierson was found. And that was the nook who had prepared, the very excellent dinner. She had been. in the H esident-Agent's service for over two' years. •» « *, SCHOOL'S IN. Do you iknow that— (1) Ice . 16,000 mifes thick covers Jupiter, tlie atmosphere there ia ammonia, $he planet has eight moons, and liquid gas floats above the surface? (2) Of 3d i babies born in the little Essex villag:e of Dunton in the last 14 months onlj; one is a girl? (3) A Pariis house has just produced a gas mask made of pink silk and . rubber, adoiTied with straw curls that ■make ; a goldlen fringe?. (4) Every day a large livei"'drayhorse is dri^an into the London Zoological Gardens and shot . » . for food for the animals? (5) The ri ighest-paid member of the British Government is the Aitor-ney-GeneraL who receives £8000 a year and feej; which run* into £7000 more? (6) The "Bennett" kangaroo makes its home high, in the trees and lives a life similar itp a monkey's? (7)'lf what twe read is true, the sun is lighter in w«:ight now by 1,000,0004)00 tons than it wns four minutes ago? (8) The shares, once the most hated and useless of 011 fish, is todaf of more value coitUßnercjally- than any of its maritime cojotfemporaries?. (9) The oldeai; jcab-iank in the world. —it lately celebrated its 300 th birthday—stands ouU;Lde the church of St. Mary-le-Strand, opposite Somerset House, London? / (10) The most peculiar charact&ris« tic of the late Lawrence of Arabia was an absolute horactr of being touched, even accidentally, in a crowd? «s■ * t BALLADE F4iJNTLY IN THE VILLONi MANNER. News note: A bifcT English fHm studio 7 is scouring the courifcy for a man with a devastatingly ugtr mug. There's no accounting for tastes—not 'arf! . -; . As the old dam® said when she kissed the cow-i-A quaint conceit tii»|; got her a laugh. But what we 'wish;, to say, here and now, . ''! - Has a,wider import tlfan that, we trow, Though it may statute the deck and smug, . .;■ .■" ■ ; And bring to the nice |t»ys a chequered , brow ...■■'■ How are you off for .an ugly mug? Would you the goblet W glory quaff ; In glitteringl Elstrenete great powwow? . : . Show 'em a "clock" that is tough emtrf^ To stop a truck >or a s (urging scow,Or turn the edge of a rotator plough With the engine goiiog at tap . . # chug, chug. . ; < Here is fame's password!^ anyhdw: How are you off for ai»; ugly mugZ '■ A "dial" like that of a hippo, calf,. Temperamental, and rip<p for a row, Or one that's worn by a bull giraffe, Mad as a meat axe c It-.losing its frau— These would be assets, as jfoull allow, While the face of a fat <flrug-«odden slug :.'•'' Would (for its owner) be juft a wow, *■ How are you off for an vtjjy mug? ENVOI. ;• • Tough guys all—come, make «our bow. With the hard-boiled "pi^s" of a. hungry thug : You have the chance of your life, we VOW ... ■ / ■ ' How are you off for an ugly .mug? *Poetic licence ... a real badltcase. « « •. ' i RETORt CRUSHING. That subtle ' retort reported in oui" news columns recalls one tV two others. For example, there is the Otto credited to the late Sir Henry Lrviag, who \*as rather pestered by a newspaperman 4n the theatre dressing-room. . The interviewer, finding it imposj|iblc to make the actor talk, remained casually: "I was intended for the st>ge, you know, Sir Henry, but I deciiited to take up journalism instead." Titan the actor, spoke. "Thanks," he KIUL Here's another. The Iron Duke, whrn Prime Minister, was leaving DownliKsj Street one day when he ran into** heavy shower of rain and hail. At-, once an officious bystander rushed forward with an umbrella. "Sir," b,e said,:, . "allow one of your greatest admirers* to protect from the ungallant elements) the herb who saved his country on the field of Waterloo, and is now guiding the destinies of his nation ia the no less perilous paths of peacW "Don't be a fool sir," said Welling* toe, striding on.