POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIX, Issue 133, 7 June 1935, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Up Hawke's Bay way it never rains —but it pours. In spile of fears to the contrary, Auckland's Labour Council is satisfied to go along at the same old vats. « <> » It is difficult in France to get a sensitive man to form a Cabinet because he is no sooner sworn in than he is sworn at. / As Spain's "knock-out king" failed to down veteran George Cook, he would be well advised to take uji pelota before worse befalls him.

ORIENTAL ENGLISH.

One or two examples of how English is written by natives of Eastern "ountries. Japanese shop English ii ■ometimes very quaint, and Babu English is a byword. Over a Chinese dairy was a notice "Cows milked and re-tailed." and a baker of Korea placarded himself as "The best loafer in town." An Indian, thanking a hospital for curing his wife, added with Rathetic inconsequence: "I will not try to repay you. Vengeance belongeth unto God."

QUEER TRADES.

I 1 I'emember to have heard on good authority many years ago of a case where a girl, in answer to a question in a London Magistrate's Court, gave her occupation as that of a maker of wooden seeds for raspberry jam. There . is also the classic case of the man who earned a crust by wheeling, smoke from the gasworks. I understand, however, that this latter is seriously questioned by those in a position to know, and as I am unable to quote any authority on the subject, I merely giv« it for what it is worth. . UPSON DOWNES O'FLYFFE. ';"■*■ ■. « • ■ QUEER HEALTH MASCOTS. Over a bowl of beef tea on a recent cold evening a friend of ours informed us that an aunt of his from whom he has expectations' has for years worn. next her body a piece of dried skin from a-tortoise-shell cat as a charm against lung trouble. The story reminded us of seamen and navvies who often wear thin' gold wire earrings-?-for their eyesight! More intelligent people than is.generally imagined have a blind faith in charms. An English Judge confessed the other day that he always carried a nutmeg in his pocket as a preventive of rheumatism. Others favour nutmegs as a mascot against boils—a vulgar ailment. A potato is even more popular with those with rheumatic tendencies. The idea is that the" "spud" absorbs uric acid. Strings of blue beads are believed to ward off bronchitis. Fossilised sharks' teeth as a cure for cramp, and calves' teeth to assist a baby to cut its teeth are other forms of this quaint superstition. «■ * *•

STRANGE GOLF FEATS

An English contemporary lately ran , a competition for golfers,, who were invited to describe the strangest holt they had ever played. Here is the experience of the professional of the Matlock Club—in his own words:— Pri>iftl'e Mattock course about thr?eu,, years ago I was playing the better ball of two scratch players. ■

At the first hole, which is-a bogey '4, I sliced my tee shot about 20 yards to the right, and played an even worse second shot—my ball finishing about 60' yards to the right of the greem where it lay in long grass almost knee* deep.; ''•'.■•' .•' " . , ' lr played a heavy'niblick to try to get the ball up, but this time I half topped it and it flew hard arid low and would have been quite 30 yards over the green. *' ■ ' To my surprise -it struck the bunting on top of the flagstick, curled itself Up in this- for a few seconds, and then dropped into the hole, which I won, getting a "birdie" with three really, bad shots, f. '■

CANINE SONG. "(Air, "Cockles and Mussels."*' In Wellington City, where the footpaths are gritty, . ~' .'■ ■ . ■ 'Twas there I first met an Alsatian clog; I dodged.to avoid him, my actions annoyed him, And he blocked up the'gangway like v any road-hog. He seemed fit to fight me—l thought ••• he would bite me, ', ■ And wildly I looked for the. aid of police; , . But while I was gazing, the hound was not lazing, And out of my surcoat he gathered a ;•■ piece. ■ He wore a fine collar, worth more than a. dollar, , . And the constable gallantly held him by that; . , .„_ He called him "Old chappie'—the Alsatian was snappy, And he grabbed at the hand that had offered a pat. . . . , : With'weapons to pot. him, I trust that : they shot him; Like a born pacifist I decamped from the view; But be not too hasty to turn pale and ■ pasty— This is but a story that might hwre been true.

1837-MILE OLYMPIC RELAY.

Indicatons are that the Organisation Committee of the Xlth Olympiad at Berlin next year possesses the necessary imagination and enterprise to make the occasion memorable. Already a German has composed an anthem to be sung at the opening of the Games. Which reminds us, that the committee proposed last year to the International Olympic Committee that there should be a torch relay from Olympia (in Greece) to Berlin, so that the light brought from the classic site of the Olympic Games should set ablaze the Olympic fire which must burn throughout the great tourney. If this spectacular idea is realised, Germany will set a new main in modern Olympiads. The proposal is that seven countries will supply 3000 runners. Each runner will cover on an average five furlongs, and no stretch will take more than fifteen minutes to cover as the torches provided will not burn for longer. Each runner w}ll have one torch. At the handing over a secon* torch is also to be lighted which will be held by the reserve runner until the flame is passed on to the next relay man. Taking into consideration all necessary time allowances, the duration of the run is calculated so that the final torch-bearer shall enter the Berlin Stadium exactly at 4 p.m. on Saturday, August 1. Allowing for the mountainous parts of the route and other difficulties, the average time calculated for each man is five minutes for the five furlongs. The run will thus last about twelve days in all. After leaving Greece, the runners will pass through Bulgaria,- Yugoslavia^ Hungary.'Austria, Czechoslovakia, an* into Germany* •